Full time working parents…. Is it that rare?

[Workingtoohardmummy]

I live in the midlands and just came back from my first parents consultation for my daughter who started reception, and I’m absolutely floored to find out that out of the 22 kids in the class, only three attend the after school club full time!! Which means that the majority of the kids have at least one parent who works part time/ doesn’t work. I’m absolutely shocked when the teacher told me because I didn’t think having two parents work full time is that rare, especially in this economy.

So I just want to find out… is it really that rare to have two full time working parents? I’m feeling awful about being one of the very few full time working mums in my village, as my daughter is missing the opportunity for play dates and park dates after school.

Two parents working FT with no other help here. I work flexible hours and husband starts later so we only use after school club/other clubs (football etc) three days. Loads in my office work FT but pick their kids up normal time and put them in-front of the TV for a few hours.

Wow, teacher shouldn’t be making you feel guilty for using the club! That’s what it’s for 😞

I think, as others have pointed out, you've jumped to a conclusion that isn't necessarily correct. Since COVID, many office-based jobs now offer some level of flexibility, so some parents may be able to pick up their children at least one or more days per week; more people are working from home, so they just block out their diary during school pick up time, then continue working when they get home; a lot of the parents I know have multiple part-time jobs each, so although they pick up their child at the end of the school day, the've already done their day job and in a couple of hours will start their evening job. After school care isn't the only way to manage childcare anymore.

My spouse and I both work full time but our kids only have to go to after school club twice a week. We are able to take it in turns to finish early to pick them up the rest of the week and catch up in the early morning or later in the evening.

Probably because, as OP has already said, she feels really guilty that her children are in after school club every day, whilst others are dropped off or picked up later!

To be clear, I don't think she should feel guilty at all. But I do understand, because I’m in a similar position. It seems like a lot of the parents at my child’s school have the option to work flexibly or have lots of family help.

I know that OP was jumping to conclusions a bit to think that no one else is working full time, but I don’t feel like she deserves the hard time she’s being given on here. I’m pleased that so many parents have the opportunity to work flexibly, but am genuinely surprised that so many have responded to say they are able to do all of the school runs whilst working full time. Neither my husband nor I have the option to work flexibly or from home, so this isn’t something that’s a reality for a lot of friends and colleagues.

Agree with the sentiment that OP shouldn’t worry about that others are doing, though!

The teacher literally told her that 3 of 22 children in the class attend after school club.

The teacher isn't 'making the OP feel guilty' FFS. She's just telling the OP a perfectly innocent fact.

I can only think of one family i know where both parents work full time, and they have grandparents doing all childcare.

I think a lot of employers can be flexible to allow school pick up at least once a week or grandparents do it, or parents do it and then finish work in the evening etc

My ex and I always worked full time and most of my friends did too. We, however, never needed a childcare because we worked opposite shifts.

Seriously, just get over the guilt or it will consume you. I used to worry about not being able to attend plays, sports day, etc, not being able to drop off at the ridiculous time of 10.30 for residential and not being able to pick up early from sports events at other schools, let alone watch! Now I don’t even do the school runs and it’s great. Chidren normalise it and don’t have the issues we adults have. Some kids have grandparents pick up, parents working different hours/shifts, working from home, self employed, etc. They are probably fine if you don’t make an issue of it. In fact my kids often say they would like to go to breakfast club and after school club when they don’t need to!

What are you talking about ?

The teacher did no such thing.

She was sharing her knowledge - presumably in response to a question.

Any 'guilt' (for doing a perfectly normal thing) is coming from the OP.

You are making a lot of assumptions. Not everyone works a 9-5 for a start. They may have have flexible working hours, self employed, have family/grandparents on hand to do the pick ups.

If it's a village, I would imagine that a lot of parents have felt like they can move there because at least one of the parents works flexible hours, WFH or quite a lot of WFH.

Villages are probably a less attractive option if both parents work full-time in an office etc. because the long commute added to that for both would make things difficult; imagine finishing work at 5 in an office, then commuting all the way back to a village, then having to pickup the kids and THEN start the dinner.

Your child will be fine, by the way! You can make the most of weekends, and she will probably become close to the other kids who are there for longer periods of time.

Which means that the majority of the kids have at least one parent who works part time/ doesn’t work.

Not sure how you jumped to that conclusion. Some will have grandparents, aunties/uncles or even childminders that pick them up. Some parents may work night shifts so can do every pick up. Some parents will work compressed hours so they can do drop off and pick up. Some will be single parents who work full time but have support so don’t need to rely on after school clubs

Dh and I work full time plus overtime when we can.
We have no family support and both do 12 hour shifts. He is on a rolling rota so I know his hours for months and I fit my shifts around his. It means we sometimes hand the dc over outside my work after his day shift and before my nightshift for him to takeover but one of us is always there for the kids.

We're knackered and hardly see each other but at least we avoid childcare costs 😁

Never needed wraparound care thankfully as dh and me work opposite shifts. I'm assuming most parents thought we were single parents as we very very rarely were seen at school together.

DH and I work full time but don't use wrap around care because we either sit outside external clubs working, so today I'll be sat in the car outside ballet catching up on emails, or we just take a few hours off between 3-7 and then restart work in the evening. I also take 4-7am to work most days to avoid putting them in. I should be averaging 70-80 hours a week in my role though so still woefully under!

Another Military family.
DH can either be away for weeks on end...
Or finish by lunch time on Fridays. (His WFH day).
Ours are Secondary age now, but our need for wraparound would have been inconsistent.

Everyone I know now works FT, but I did spend seven years living in a midlands village where DS attended the village school, and where I was one of only two working mothers out of 27 children in his class.

You'll be surprised at how many WFH collect their kids from school and have them around the house for the last couple of hours in the day. Lots of people condense hours as well so they can do pickup once per week.

It would have been a different story pre Covid.

Err...no it doesn't

Grandparents or other family members collect dcs from school
Parents work differing shifts
Childminders collect from school
Other mums collect multiple children
Parents work from home and nip out to collect DCs

When my DS was in year 6, ASC was cancelled on Fridays so I used to take lunch at 2.45, collect him, settle him at home with a snack, the TV and a phone, and go back to work.

I'm a single mum and have always worked full time. There are lots of options.

Did the teacher volunteer that statistic or did you ask?

I'm just trying to understand why it was raised, what was the context and purpose of telling you that? Whether 3 or 15 kids in the class use afterschool club, surely it's down to what works for your family, your kid and your schedule.

DD went to after school in reception, then Covid hit in yr 1 and when they all finally went back me and DH were both WFH full time and DD had had to get used to entertaining herself for short periods of time while we worked because neither of us had been entitled to furlough while home schooling a 5 year old.

So we didn't use afterschool club except for that short period in reception, but we were both working full time.

none of our early years children go to full time wrap around. 3 go a few times a week and two others on a more ad hoc basis.

That doesn’t mean the other parents don’t work they just have different set ups. My son doesn’t go to any sort of wrap around his Nan collects him the days I am working.

I don’t use the school wraparound after school because it’s only till 5:30. The one I chose is open till 6.
work full time 9-5 but it seems that i’m one of the few working mothers in my son’s class of 30.