I’m stressed about our wedding!

[Stressfulwedding]

I’ve always wanted just a chilled out casual wedding, nothing big, nothing expensive, DP is the same.

We’re wedding planning at the moment and there are over 100 guests (all of them close to us so can’t cut them from the list), we can’t decide on a venue for various ridiculous reasons and I may or may not be pregnant on the day. I’m SO stressed out about it all.

I feel like everyone will be bored because despite having lots of close family/friends, we don’t really have anyone who will be happy to do any speeches. So it’s looking like we’re going to drag a fair amount of people out here (we’re 2 different nationalities living in a different country) for a 15 minute ceremony and then a meal.

I don’t know what we’re doing wrong, I feel like I just want to sack it all off and elope but I know that’s not really what I want.

No clue what I want/need from this post, maybe just a rant!

If your 100 guests are so close to you that you can't trim them from the list, then they will just want to be there to watch you get married and then have a party afterwards.

Speeches rarely make a wedding IME, so don't worry about those.

Yes I suppose that's true, hadn't thought of it like that, thank you! I'm sure there are some we could trim, but it feels like they'd be angry at us and it's not worth losing the friendship/relationship over.

Are you sure? I'm sort of at a loss as to what people DO at weddings if there are no speeches. It'll literally be the ceremony, then just chilling, then dinner, then dancing for whoever fancies it. The day feels a bit "empty". I went to my first wedding recently and the time was really filled with speeches, so it's made me nervous now.

I feel like everyone will be bored because despite having lots of close family/friends, we don’t really have anyone who will be happy to do any speeches.

You've got this bit totally wrong! The only times I have ever been bored at weddings is during the speeches!

15 minute ceremony and meal/ party afterwards is fine. I've travelled abroad for that and because I wanted to see people I care about married, to celebrate with them, and to see and celebrate with other friends and family. If people can't or don't want to come, they won't. Tell your guests it's going to be a small affair; they won't mind as they just want to see you!

Oh this makes me sad OP, you shouldn’t be feeling like this about your own wedding day.

If you truly are close to over 100 people (wow!) then I would predict it will be impossible to honour them all with your attention on your wedding day.

Could you have a smaller party separately in each of the two other countries to celebrate your marriage, and in the Uk just have a small ceremony and then on a separate weekend a big party for the folk in the UK? You could even make it a UK engagement party, which might soften it for relatives overseas not invited.

Definitely don’t design your wedding to suit other people!

Ceremony, chilling, dinner, dancing - that's perfect! Just make sure that there's plenty of food if the chilling goes on too long.

I'm at such a disadvantage having not been to any weddings bar one! I really enjoyed the speeches but I suppose that was mainly because I'm quite close with them both, maybe most people don't really care then.. that would be ideal to be honest!

I suppose if I'm just upfront with everyone about what the day will entail, then it's up to them. I just find it so intimidating having so many people come from different countries, I feel like I have to really entertain them and look after them, make sure they're not bored, that it's all really worth their while.

Most people find the speeches boring.

Trust me, I've been to a lot of weddings - two of my own, about 40 as a guest and now I work in hospitality at a venue that does two a week on average - and the speeches are not universally loved.

Yes it's making me sad too! I'm a really laid back person and this is making me feel so nervous! I don't like being the centre of attention and I don't like pressure! I think half the people are DPs family, so 100 guests sounds more impressive than it is. They have the audacity to be a close knit family! 😂

We've considered having multiple weddings but really aren't keen on the idea and I feel like it'll make it more stressful to be honest.

@Octavia64 @FetchezLaVache That's actually really good news then. It all feels so awkward. We're both close to our families but more in the jokey way rather than the heartfelt way, so it doesn't feel like "us". I'll let DP know, he'll be over the moon too.

If the venue we want works out, there'll be activities for guests to do like ping pong, a petanque pitch, a pool. Is that a good idea? I feel like it could be quite fun and makes the whole thing feel more like a garden party than a big official wedding. I'm also considering ditching the DJ idea and just making a few Spotify playlists of songs we love and can dance to, or is that a bit lame?

Although speeches are often bad, I'd suggest at least saying something brief. I've been to one wedding where there weren't any and it felt a bit empty. (And ended in divorce a year later... can't help thinking they didn't actually have anything nice to say about each other.) Could you make a little video or slideshow of your relationship or something?

Oh gosh if the focus of your wedding is speeches I'd rather butter my inner eyelids with vinegar than come to your wedding. They are SO boring. We had one speech at 3 minutes long.

Your standard good wedding is great food, served at all the right times. At least two or three free drinks for guests. Tea and coffee. Places to mingle, and places to sit and chill. Music and dancing. And imho something to do which guests can choose if they want to - board games/arty stuff/Lego/clues puzzles treasure hunt, etc. whatever floats your boat.
Basically just feed people really well, don't bore them to tears with speeches and endless photo sessions, and entertain them a bit, and give them the space to chat and make their own fun.

It's always good to have some form of entertainment between the ceremony and meal as that's the bit people always find boring. We had a grazing table, drinks and an acoustic guitarist/singer as it was a winter wedding so everyone was inside. Garden games sounds like good fun. If you can afford it I would get a DJ rather than a playlist. It's definitely worth it as they can really get the party going, can take requests and you don't have to worry about technical issues or the playlist falling flat.

Like everyone else has said, the speeches aren't most people favourite.

Oh yes and food wise I'm thinking of BBQ style with sides like potatoes, rice, salad, ratatouille etc. Thinking of having some fish, need to also think of some veggie options. Just more "family" style. We're not making a table plan, there are going to be a couple of food trucks, people can order what they want and then sit wherever they fancy. The trucks will be accessible for a couple of hours because of two different cultures eating at wildly different times! No wedding cake, maybe a cute cheese mountain and something sweet like ice cream. Some fried food later in the evening maybe to soak up some alcohol.

Drinks we're just going to stick to beer and wine, maybe a cocktail, a coffee/tea station and a fair amount of soft drinks.

Decorations I'm mainly trying to do myself, don't want to buy lots of tat.

Does it all sound a bit shit, or fairly fun? 😫

Ah sorry, cross post! Yes, weddings should be like garden parties which just happen to start with a ceremony. Exactly right.
I recommend having a board up with timings of anything mandatory (ie dinner at 4.30, first dance at 8pm, buses home at 12 etc) then people can relax more knowing how much time is available for them to chill out right now.

I'm thinking of DIYing something that shows photos of our relationship chronologically or something! We've been together 10 years so there are plenty of pics. Then just a general thank you for coming type of mini speech, as I hate public speaking.

I think the key to not having guests "bored" and keeping the momentum up all day is starting later- ceremony at 4pm or something like that, then it's cocktails, dinner and dancing. The weddings I've been to that have dragged have started at 1pm and it's quite a long day then.

There is no need for speeches, but if you feel there should be some would you make a speech? If your partner does the same then that's two speeches and that's plenty.

If you're worried about entertaining guests things I have seen at weddings are photo booths, magicians, mini game stalls like hook a duck, table football and mini casino set ups. I don't think any of them are at all necessary but you might like some of those ideas.

That sounds like what we're trying to plan, so that's REALLY good then. There'll be plenty of food, plenty of seating, activities etc. Our photographer is under strict instruction to keep things very candid, we don't really care for posed photos so I imagine there will be a couple with the parents and that's about it.

We didn’t have speeches at our wedding. We just had someone stand up and say, “we’re not having any speeches, but let’s raise our glasses…”

Will there be different languages / nationalités involved? Speaking from expérience that does tend to change peoples expectations of a wedding. Also in which country it will be held.

I think that sounds like a brilliant wedding! :)

@MavisTheMonkey Yes I'm thinking a later start of 4pm ish is pretty good, I can imagine it's a pretty knackering day!

@user1471555008 Yep, 3 nationalities total but 99% speak english. Cultures really aren't all that different, just a difference in what time we all eat dinner!

@FetchezLaVache Aw thank you! I feel less stressed about it all already!

I’m a bit confused about your saying you can’t find people happy to do speeches. At weddings, random guests don’t volunteer to do them - it’s traditional for certain people to do them. Such as groom, best man, father of the bride etc.

We had around that number of guests. My dad did a speech because he wanted to but neither DH or I did and he didn’t have a best man so no search there either.

none really enjoys the speeches anyway, after the first one. Everyone is bored or cringing and wants it to end.

unless your ceremony is super basic, it’ll be longer than 15 mins.
you'll (hopefully) have a nice meal and party afterwards so what’s not to like?
it'll be a lovely fun day, ours was.