I’m stressed about our wedding!

[Stressfulwedding]

I’ve always wanted just a chilled out casual wedding, nothing big, nothing expensive, DP is the same.

We’re wedding planning at the moment and there are over 100 guests (all of them close to us so can’t cut them from the list), we can’t decide on a venue for various ridiculous reasons and I may or may not be pregnant on the day. I’m SO stressed out about it all.

I feel like everyone will be bored because despite having lots of close family/friends, we don’t really have anyone who will be happy to do any speeches. So it’s looking like we’re going to drag a fair amount of people out here (we’re 2 different nationalities living in a different country) for a 15 minute ceremony and then a meal.

I don’t know what we’re doing wrong, I feel like I just want to sack it all off and elope but I know that’s not really what I want.

No clue what I want/need from this post, maybe just a rant!

Yes those are the people I mean. We're all a bit awkward and not very emotional, so I don't think anyone would feel comfortable doing a speech, so I don't really want to ask them!

My wedding was at 5pm, we ran straight from the chapel to the dinner and finished with dancing (no break in between) My guests LOVED it! No hanging around at all.

I don’t think speeches are important - you need a toastmaster to say please raise a glass to the gorgeous couple Mr and Mrs X

I would probably spend the money on a DJ or live music. It does make the evening more fun.
A festival relaxed vibe is perfect op, it sounds like a great wedding!!

Perhaps I can get your opinion on another aspect of the wedding.

So we're planning on having the official legal ceremony a couple of days beforehand at town hall with only parents/siblings. Reason for this is because it's all in a language hardly any of our family speak, the whole thing lasts about 10 minutes and it's literally just reading laws, in a big boring room with no decoration/music.

Then our actual "wedding day" (we've been calling this the Fake Wedding) we're going to have a cuter ceremony with about 70 people, our friend is being our "officiant", nice music, pretty flowers, fairy lights etc, I imagine it'll last about 20 mins or something.

Then chill/play time, then dinner, then dancing etc.

A couple of days before the Fake Wedding we're going to do a friends only BBQ at our house, then either before or after the Fake Wedding we'll have the same for family, at our house as well.

Does that all sound nice? Or overkill? Will people be upset at not being at the boring legal bit?

Agree with everyone else that the speeches are not generally a highlight unless they're really well done. We had them at ours, but I was really insistent on keeping them very short, which worked well.

You can still have speeches though as traditionally the groom gives one, and you could do one too? Whilst I had close family at my wedding, my dad is no longer around and my brother is wonderful but not up for public speaking so I made a quick speech - partly because I'm an awkward sod too who couldn't bring myself to sit there demurely whilst the menfolk made speeches on my behalf! As I said, ours were really short but sweet and heartfelt, and allowed us to thank the people we wanted to thank - and everyone else for making the effort to be there, which is something I think is very important to do particularly if people are travelling.

If you really don't feel like you can cut the numbers down (given the travelling involved I think you'll find a number of invitees can't make it what with work/ childcare etc - doesn't mean you're not close or they don't care though!) I still think a ceremony, meal and optional dancing is fine and all most people will expect. I'm not sure what the rules are for the ceremony where you are, but you can make it longer with a reading or two - maybe someone close to you who wouldn't want to do a speech might feel more comfortable with a reading? Or you could hire a musician or just play some special pieces of music?

The 'chilling' bit after the ceremony - where will this be taking place? It it all in one venue, or do you need to travel from ceremony to meal? Is it in a particularly interesting/ attractive place? Is there space for people to sit? Will they be comfortable/ kept warm/ cool? Can you give them some drinks/ food in this time. People will generally be happy catching up with friends and loved ones, but if they're cold/ too hot/ too uncomfortable/ made to feel like a spare part whilst the bride and groom have a million photos taken etc - that's when people start to get fed up. I'd put some drinks on during this time and, unless it's a very short wait until the meal, some food too - doesn't have to be anything OTT! Make the most of any nice features of where you are to give a nice view to look at, by all means chuck a few garden games around if you're outdoors or the indoor equivalent if not - might be nice for some, though personally I always just prefer to chat with people.

You could book entertainers/ musicians or rope in any talented friends if you want to add a bit of atmosphere or there's loads of other things you could do for entertainment that are free/ low cost - have a quiz, put trivia on the tables, hire a karaoke machine, get a photobooth or some props and selfie sticks etc etc. Will depend on if it suits you as a couple and your guests. Ultimately though I think if everyone is comfortable, made to feel appreciated and given enough to eat and drink they'll have a good time anyway.

So far I'm liking the sound of your wedding!
Just tell people that you'll be completing the legal paperwork a few days before so that they know it's a 'fake' wedding and won't feel cheated.

@AliasGrape The 'chilling' bit after the ceremony - where will this be taking place? It it all in one venue, or do you need to travel from ceremony to meal? Is it in a particularly interesting/ attractive place? Is there space for people to sit? Will they be comfortable/ kept warm/ cool? Can you give them some drinks/ food in this time. People will generally be happy catching up with friends and loved ones, but if they're cold/ too hot/ too uncomfortable/ made to feel like a spare part whilst the bride and groom have a million photos taken etc - that's when people start to get fed up. I'd put some drinks on during this time and, unless it's a very short wait until the meal, some food too - doesn't have to be anything OTT! Make the most of any nice features of where you are to give a nice view to look at, by all means chuck a few garden games around if you're outdoors or the indoor equivalent if not - might be nice for some, though personally I always just prefer to chat with people.

No travel between the ceremony and meal, it's all happening in my mum's garden hopefully! Lots of the guests already know the place, so they'll feel comfortable there and there's enough space for there to be different areas for people. A bunch of seating etc.

Ahh good idea, it hadn't occurred to me to tell people but yes, I really should! Thank you!

This sounds great! You don't have to have any speeches. But I would have at least one toast - where you, and/or DH, or someone on your behalf, thanks the people that you would want to thank. Doesn't need to be more than a couple of minutes.

One of the best weddings I've been to (and I've been to so many) was like this - a 15 minute ceremony that started at 4 pm, drinks in the garden afterward, and then dinner.

The only speech was a 2 minute thank you by the groom, and 1 friend raised a toast as well. So great not to have to sit through 40 minutes of rambling speeches!

One thing they did was print very short readings/poems @onto card, and handed them to 2/3 close friends on the way into the ceremony, and asked them to read them at the end, which was quite nice really.