Missing Mum. I can't get over the fact I'll never see her again.

[InMyGarden]

Mum died suddenly a year ago. I'll never get over it. I'll never be truly happy again. She was my best friend and the only person to ever love me unconditionally. I'm lost. I'm alone. Sometimes the grief just consumes me. I so desperately want to see her again.

It's so difficult isn't it? I'm so sorry.

Have you had any bereavement counselling? 🥰

I want to.say I'm thinking about you OP. I have lost both my parents. Grief is not something thst disappears, it's something that you learn to live with. Reach out to people or agencies for support. Take care

I'm so sorry, I wish I could say something to make you feel better. Please consider bereavement counselling if you've not already had it.

Sending you a hug@InMyGarden

The pain of grief is very real, no matter how long it's been since your loved one died.

It's sad to read that you feel that no one loves you as unconditionally as your mother did.
You must have had a very special relationship.

My mom died over 10 years ago.
I was not loved unconditionally by her.

As years go by, although I don't actively miss her as you do your mum, I often smile to myself when I realize that I have said something, or thought something, or made a decision about something that I know would be something she would have done.

There's a connection, and for me, a quiet and personal feeling of forgiveness and understanding which is comforting.

I hope soon you'll experience these quiet moments too, and feelings of thanks and gratitude will eventually replace the pain.

Sending you the most enormous hug @InMyGarden 😭

I lost my mum in August. Feels like I’m dying inside most days

I’ve not got any advice, but please please know you’re not alone xx

I'm so sorry you're going through this pain. It's true what a previous poster said that you never get over such a loss. It just becomes part of the new you. I lost my father when I was a child, and it's fundamentally affected who I am, and that's 30 odd years ago.

It's okay and natural to feel so broken by the death of someone precious to you. Especially if you feel like they loved you more than anyone else. If you feel like you're falling into real despair, do make sure that you seek help or talk to someone. Your life and wellbeing are precious too! Maybe doing something that she loved, or creating something that makes you think of her could be a way to feel close.

Hope you can find some peace amidst the pain.

My mum died 17 years ago and last week, not an anniversary or birthday or anything, I sobbed my heart out missing her.

its not that it gets easier per say…its always hard. Feel what you need to feel xx

My mum died last Friday. She had cancer but it was sudden and unexpected. It's awful and I feel your pain, absolutely ♥️

Sorry OP xx

It's awful. I lost my mum suddenly last year and I still can't quite believe it happened. Like it was someone else's life but then I know that obviously it is mine and I'm living it. The thought that I could live another 40+ years without her in my life just doesn't feel possible.

No advice, just know that you aren't alone.

Just wsnt to send you a hug and know you're not alone. I lost my beloved Dad a few months back and life will never be the same.
What was your mum like?

Sending you a hug OP and also @CameronStrike

My mum died 2 years ago and sometimes it just hits. Nothing prepares you for it.

Thank you. Sorry to hijack your thread @InMyGarden. I hope you don't mind, but it's obviously very raw. The pain is like nothing I've experienced before.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Grief is the hardest thing, and a year on is still such early days.

I’m eleven years on from losing both of my parents and sometimes I still feel the shock that I won’t see them again. My children were quite little when they died. I was chatting the other day to my DD (now a young adult) and had the thought ‘when Mum sees her, she’ll be amazed at…’ Oh. No.

That realisation that Mum doesn’t and won’t see any of this. It’s immensely painful and nothing can make it ok.

Time makes it more bearable, such that you can live a life around it, but it’s always there.

I lost my mother and sister in the space of one year. I wasn't close to them but there is a black hole in my life. Some days I feel like a part of me is missing.

I am so sorry Op, and everyone missing their Mum. It is nine years since my Mum died and as pp says, you don’t ever get over it, but the pain is mostly less raw. Every now and again though something relatively small will hit me in the chest so hard I can’t catch my breath. Usually something to do with my daughters, and the fact that Mum isn’t here to see them growing up. Or this year, which was tough, when at times I just wanted to go home to my Mum and Dad, even though they are gone and my home is with DH and the dds.
Losing your Mum is so hard. All you can do is just tread onward and carry your Mum and everything she taught and gave you, along with you.
It’s the price we pay for love, and however hard it is, it is worth the cost.

So sorry OP I'm 4 years in and know this feeling all too well. It's the worst pain I've ever experienced and hope I ever do

My mum died 4 years ago. I still sometimes feel almost in shock when I think about it; I’m often overwhelmed with the loss and grief, and I know I’m profoundly changed as a person - I can never go back to the way I was before because there’s a fundamental piece missing from my life that made me who I was then.

The pain can be unbearable, but you almost have to lean into it and embrace it - I came to feel like it was the visceral manifestation of my love for her, which was kind of comforting in a weird way. You don’t get over it, OP, but you can - eventually - learn to live with it.

I really hope there are people who are there for you IRL at such a tough time. Sending you a big hug and lots of love xx

@EnjoythemoneyJane (love your username btw)

This really resonated with me:

The pain can be unbearable, but you almost have to lean into it and embrace it - I came to feel like it was the visceral manifestation of my love for her, which was kind of comforting in a weird way.

It reminded me of this quote, I don’t know where it originated but it made a lot of sense to me when I saw it:

I feel your pain too. I lost my mum suddenly 6 months ago and I still don’t believe it. I could have written your post word for word.

Have you had grief counselling? I had some through work and it was really helpful. I’ve also found some comfort in starting to sort her things. My counsellor suggested I make a scrap book of things that bring nice memories, like plane tickets from places we went together, notes with her handwriting, photos etc. Starting that has helped me a little on hard days.

Some days I understand how you live alongside the grief but some days it feels like I can’t breathe with the pain of losing her.

I’m so sorry for your pain, you are not alone.

My mum was mid 50s when she died suddenly. One minute she said she had a headache, next minute she was gone ( aneurysm). I remember coming home from the hospital in such a state of shock. I don't think I'd have got through those early days without my dh and siblings.
Can you seek counselling @InMyGarden - it really does help.
30 years later, we still talk about her, laugh at all her antics and remember her fondly.
I think time does heal. It just doesn't feel like it will when you're first bereaved.
Sending ❤️ to you.

@Waitingfordoggo I’ve never seen that before - it’s lovely, thank you.

So sorry for everyone feeling grief and missing their mums - we’re all her with you, OP, and we know exactly how you feel. I hope that can give you a tiny bit of comfort.

After my mum died, I used to try and make bargains with god - if I could only see her again or speak to her for ten seconds. I'd have given anything. Grief is crushing and quite irrational.
I'm so sorry for your loss, OP. I've lost both parents but honestly I feel they never really leave entirely. I still feel their love and I'm so grateful to them. You'll find your way but it takes time.

I lost my mum nearly 12 years ago. It was the saddest day of my life.

Part of me went with her that day and I don't think I'll ever stop missing her.

It’s lovely isn’t it @EnjoythemoneyJane. Having said I didn’t know where the quote is from, I’ve noticed the writer’s name is actually on the image.

A similar quote that I’ve just remembered: ‘Grief is love with nowhere to go’.

OP, we are with you in this, although I know grief can feel incredibly lonely. But we have been where you are. You will survive this, and you will find a way to live alongside it, but you may well find as many of us do, that your life is divided into the ‘before’ and ‘after’, and that your grief changes you as a person in some fundamental ways. 💐