Missing Mum. I can't get over the fact I'll never see her again.

[InMyGarden]

Mum died suddenly a year ago. I'll never get over it. I'll never be truly happy again. She was my best friend and the only person to ever love me unconditionally. I'm lost. I'm alone. Sometimes the grief just consumes me. I so desperately want to see her again.

Grief takes its time. You can't avoid it, you just have to go through it.
My Mum died 9 years ago. I cried - proper sobbing daily for at least a year. I knew it was coming, it wasn't a surprise but I was utterly bereft.
Maybe for the next couple of years, it was a weekly cry, then maybe monthly. I still miss her and miss talking to her and there's the odd day or event that I really wish she was here to see, but mostly now I think of her and smile.
Just take it one day at a time. It's ok to feel sad. Big hugs.

Sending love OP at what sounds like an incredibly tough time 💐

I'm with you. My mum died 18 months ago, very suddenly.
I'd do anything to talk to her right now, she was the first person I'd tell about anything going on and I really, really need her right now.

I have no advice, I regularly cry still but just know you're not alone

Beside you, empathising.

My much loved Dad died recently. It was a tough end & I miss him. I cry at unexpected times for no reason, I feel guilty, angry, bereft and lost.
I hope it gets easier for you, and for me.

Sorry to hear your loss, I still miss my mum after 7 years and I’d still love to have another time with her, even 10 minutes. I think time will ease your loss but there are times you always wish you could call her or just pop round for a coffee.
I think that now your mum has passed, you may now feel that you have to be an adult and that was a very scary thought for me!
Be kind to yourself. And that applies to everyone who has lost a mum 💐

How do you do it? How do you carry on, putting 1 foot in front of the other?

All I want to do is sleep. Is like I can manage an hour of activity then I crash, it’s like having a power cut. How do you get past that?

Just time @ohfourfoxache. 💐

I'm so very sorry. I lost my mum nearly 19 years ago, and my dad nearly 6 years ago, and I still miss them both desperately. It's not as raw now but it's still hard.

Grief is awful. There's no way to be and it grabs you when you are least expecting it. What I would say is that do what is right for you. It gets easier to bear with time-or you get used to it more, I still haven't figured that out. I lost the first love of my life over a quarter of a century ago. I didn't think I would survive it at first and the first few years are a bit of a blur but I slowly went from not being able to function, to functioning to thriving. I still think about him loads. Not every day, sometimes not for months. I have been thinking about him a lot recently however. It would have been his 50th had he survived. I am happily married, wonderful children, enjoy my job, great friends. Just sometimes it still hits me like a ton of bricks. The early days are really tough though op. Go easy on yourself.

Sleep is good.
Do you have friends or family around?

You miss her because you loved her so much. It’s awful, I know, but a year is no time at all, so don’t think that you should be over it by now. I find that grief grabs me when I’m tired, or coming down with a virus or it blindsides me when I’m feeling ok and thinking “I can cope”. It’s tempting to torment oneself with thinking about what is gone, which is a big mistake. Instead, I find it’s manageable by not conjuring up memories but by holding them in my mind and filling my heart with feelings of love and gratitude for having known them. It’s hard xx

Imagine seeing yourself through your mother's eyes. Your mother doesn't want to see you this upset. She is beside you every day. If you look hard enough, she will even give you little signs. The beautiful butterfly, the little Robin who visits frequently; sometimes just a random look at the beautiful sky will remind you she is still there. She won't let you forget! (You will just instinctively know when you see them) Have courage and don't be scared. Deep breaths. It will get easier 🤍

I do wish I could believe this, but I don’t.

You think your mother would want to see you upset and down? I don't believe a mother would wish for that!

No I don’t, but I don’t believe your idea of signs at all

I see my Mum in me, little physical echoes and the things she taught me, the things we shared.
I see her in my DD and weirdly in having her everyday objects around me. I have her pasta bowls and a measuring spoon and DD wears her old beanie and it feels like she's still in our thoughts and our lives. I find that very comforting.

I don't believe my mother can see me at all. Nor is she sending me signs. She's dead. I miss her. I know she wouldn't want me to be sad but it's not right to use that as a stick to beat myself with for feeling sad. I loved her and miss her and I'm sad, and that's ok. Trying to fool myself that she's watching me doesn't help me. I'm sorry for being harsh and if it helps you that's great but your tone is quite weirdly bossy about how grieving people should feel and think.

You could have just read and moved on, but it's nice you stopped by to provide some feedback. My advice would be to just focus on the positive and ignore the negative. And if you can provide a different perspective, that's not a bad thing either.

Sending a big hug, OP. The grief does get easier in time as you learn to live with it. 🌺

This is really lovely by Mary Elizabeth Frye.

Mine died 8 years ago.
The grief doesn't go but the shock has definitely lessened.
I am still so sad about losing her but I hope I will see her again just for one more hug

Thank you everyone for your kind words. And my condolences and thoughts to those of you in grief as well.
I find this time of year so so difficult. She loved Halloween and Bonfire (we are Lewesians!), and of course the build up to Christmas. I feel like hibernating until March😕

So tough.

There's nothing anyone can do to lessen the pain, but there is comfort in knowing others have been through this and know how devastating it is, yet we survive.
This is life, in its rawest sense and I'm almost happy that I can feel this grief because it honours the wonderful woman my mum was, and what an impact she had on me.

This time of year is really tough when you've been bereaved or are feeling sad for whatever reason...if it's any comfort, you're certainly not alone in this.

I'll never be truly happy again

I just want to say that your mum would absolutely want you to be happy again so please remember that