Is this salary okay for a family of 5? Why am I always skint!

[WhatIsWithMe]

I live in a large town in the north. It doesn't really have much going for it but weirdly house prices are pretty high here. Maybe as it's close to a popular city but generally it's not an expensive place to live.

We are a family of 5, 2 are teens and one in primary school. We have a small house with a mortgage of £500/m.

After tax, etc mine and my partners combined income is £3900/m. Its looks like a great figure but every month we always find ourselves scrimping as we don't have enough money.

The thing is, we already budget, we cook from scratch, we don't have any other debt, we don't spend much on clothes, restaurants etc much and buy only what we need. Yes, we do have the odd takeaway, day trip, treat etc but they aren't a regular thing. We don't holiday abroad and can only afford a week away in the UK.

I'm just confused. Where am I going wrong? Is it that the cost of living has crept up on us or is it that, that income is just low.

I write everything down which probably seems old fashioned but it works for me! As it goes out my bank I cross it off and I add on any little bits I've spent
I take home £1800 ish and my mortgage is £600 so I have to be really careful what I spent

I’ve just redone our budget for similar reasons. It’s sobering to see the increase in utilities etc compared to 2 years ago!

I’ve gone through and put all the bills, budgeted for food each week (including inevitable top up shops) and pro rated house and car insurance, car tax and service, kids activities, haircuts, miscellaneous kid expenses (new trainers / party present etc) per month to get a proper view which was a bit 😬

Ive also set up a separate trip / holiday spreadsheet detailing costs of hotels / train / car parking / eating out etc to give a realistic view of what we spend on stuff

Yeah they don't panic when something goes wrong with the house. If only it was. 😃

It was the small things such as DH going to Costa for a morning coffee

Coffee-chain drinks are to budgeting in the 21st century what cigarettes were in the 20th.

A few years ago there was a BBC series about balancing your money. They got one guy to do a budget and he was £150 a month short. Couldn't work out where it was going. Then they followed him and saw that he went into Starbucks on his way to and from work, 2x per day for a (then) £3.75 coffee. Because he was doing most of spending with cash (taking £200 a week out of a machine) he didn't notice this adding up.

I notice the OP says "the odd takeaway, day trip, treat etc", which sounds a bit handwaving. I wonder what a breakdown of that would look like.

We have a similar amount and last year struggled really badly. We ended up going through everything and adding up each penny.
I was amazed (and horrified) to learn I'd spent £30 on Google play to pass levels on games when I was bored, and we'd spend roughly £150 - £200 on takeaways and grabbing stuff on the go from greggs, starbucks etc.
Little things add up too - netflix, amazon prime, my air up subscription etc.

See, I don't understand how people don't realise this already.

Surely if you're in Costa or similar every day, you know that a few quid a day is easily tens/£100+ per month. You have enough time to do the maths while you're in the queue to watch them make your coffee at snail's pace for a start.

Poverty and being skint are relative to some one meal out a month and a takeaway is a must to others it's a dream.
Your mortgage is really low I paid that for my 2 bed 20 years ago.
You need to write out a proper income and expenses list.
Some people cook from scratch but spend tonnes going for shops every day do you plan a menu? Is there waste?

We are a family of 4 and have a similar income and often end up running towards nothing at the end of the month 🙈 we do like eating out at cafes and have a meals of 2 out (sometimes on clubcard points though!) I find the good shop costs much more than it once did 😭
I buy lots of clothes and a few toys second hand too

Things you might have missed

School trips
Other school costs
Hair cuts
Make up
Health stuff (otc and prescriptions)
Parking and tolls
Clothes for you and DH
Pets and vets
Small Home costs eg door mat duvet covers
Birthdays
Work costs eg whip rounds or charity
Eating out / takeaways
Entertainment
Pocket money
Garden and plants
Home improvements
Other events.

My advice is to plan plan plan!! I use four accounts to manage money and it all goes to the correct account on payday except my spending which runs month to month but I also plan 6 months spending in advance.

List 1 from salary goes to this Current account- I use HSBC as it has balance after bills which is always zero or just above.
Fixed direct debits (phone gym car union)
Standing orders to other accounts

List 2 joint account nations wide flex
Food and joint spending

List 3 joint DD Lloyds joint
Mortgage and bills

List 4 spending - starling
Monthly and annual
I have saving spaces for everything -Christmas and birthdays holidays petrol, insurance, home improvements, firewood, school car insurance, hair, clothes, beauty and £1000 emergencies and so on and leftovers fund for anything else

List 5
Life savings

I only spend from starling and joint account.

Once you have this set up what costs can you predict in the next 6 months and 12 months?

That's why they call it a Cost of Living Crisis! Most people are in the same boat OP, it's shit though. My OH is a teacher, I work part time in a skilled office job and we have two small children. By the end of the month we're coppering up to get basic groceries, despite living quite frugally. Everything 2nd hand, no holidays, one cheap car, no subscriptions etc... we do buy decent good though as I think it's important.

That is approx what my partner and I take home per month no kids. Rent £950. 1 car and weekly driving lessons for the other. We have a nice life with a yearly sunny holiday but don’t live lavishly and I would struggle to add 3 kids into the mix as I imagine the money would simply disappear if I wasn’t being extremely strict.

Do a spreadsheet and see where it’s all going.

How is this response in any way helpful to the OP or the conversation?

OP is hardly going to come back and say "oh crap....it's the school fees, I forgot about those"

For the next 3 months, track every single financial transaction, even the 'odd coffee/takeaway', then I'm sure you'll work out where your missing nigh on 1,300 is. 🙄
I understand that everyone's circumstances are invidual and, thus, relative, however the laissez-faire attitude towards over a grand may be your answer.
I have 2 x 6 year old girls, 2 cats and 2 dogs: I cook from scratch, the animals are raw fed, we do one 'big' day out per month and have one holiday per year, plus one times extra curricular activity per child and...everything else.
I do this on £1,400 a month, with money left over to save.
Not meaning to be an arse, but if you can afford to 'lose' over a grand a month, you're probably doing a lot better than you realise.

Probably lots of small purchases. Have a careful look and add up every single transaction.

We have similar income after mortgage with one of the children still in nursery (part time with 15 free hours ~ £700 a month). We haven't managed to save absolutely anything since we bought a house earlier this year, but we have been buying things outright for the house every month (garden furniture, sofa, wardrobes, TV etc) and went on 2 cheapish holidays this year.

I don't think OP said she can afford to lose that money? How do you pay your housing costs etc?

@Crazycatlady79 what’s your outing then because that seems quite unrealistic to be honest!

We take home around 9k a month (post tax, NI, pension), no private school fees, mortgage and household bills come to around £3.7k and clubs/tutors for the kids are around £850.
We always manage to spend the other 4K somehow- life is extortionate. We don’t have fancy cars, holidays, takeaways, many nights out, gym memberships, expensive clothes, expensive beauty habits- it just goes in a flash on clothes for us all, kids activities, good quality food, commuting, hosting people from time to time. We are in a very expensive city though where most people can fritter through this kind of money with little to show for it.

I don’t think it’s a lot. I would expect to be able to heat and pay for house bills, food and the occasional treat, but nothing much else. Especially if you have a car.

@DailyEnergyCrisis you need to talk to @Crazycatlady79…she can do everything you’re not on 1400 and you have 4k left so apparently you could run nearly 3 houses more houses!

Teenagers cost a lot!Food (they are bottomless pits!) shoes/trainers /jackets the list goes on .£65.00 on fuel ,and £60 day trips seems low ,we spend double that on fuel! Also even a day at NT ,fuel to get there,any teas or snacks something in the gift shop, it all adds up .£750 for groceries ,does that include toiletries ,laundry products top up shops? Its easy to think you are covered but a month of checking your spending may surprise you!

I think everything costs much more these days. I always write down my monthly personal spends and it soon adds up.

For example I bought a blouse from Next for £46 that a couple of years ago might only have cost say £36.

I am trying to only spend c £200 personal spends a month but it seems to have crept up these days to £250.

That is with cutting and dying my own hair no pedicures no eating out!

I recently tracked all our money for a month and found £200 a month! It was money that was disappearing on stuff. I still spend money on stuff but make that £200 work for us.

I find it’s food. When I run out and just go the shop for not many things £20-£30. I think as others have said budget. But teenagers are expensive hobbies, clothes, activities with friends. Your outgoings are probably more than you expect.

Anything costs a lot now. My food shot has more than doubled in the past 12 months. Bills have gone up by between 20% and 100%. A coffee out, a rare treat now, is £5; £10+ is you have a small
slive of cake. Eating out is a luxury. A mediocre piece of clothing made from recycled plastic is twice what it used to be. Everybody is a lot poorer. Teenagers eat a lot.

You fritter away £1000 a week?