The men of today

[Quacksalver]

After nearly 10 years(!) of celibacy, I recently started seeing somebody. It quickly transpired that they had loads of fetishes/kinks. Now some of them seemed pretty extreme to me. Is stuff like pegging and humiliation part of vanilla sex these days? I really didn't fancy any of it (there was a LONG list!) and bowed out. Oh, and he wanted me to fit him with a cock cage and keep the keys within only a few weeks of knowing each other.

Is this just what men are up to these days?

No, of course not.

No! What site did you find them on?

Surely you know it’s not. He’s got severe issues.

No.

Not in my world anyway.

But strangely, I haven't asked my friends.

I found him at the local park where I walk my dog. I'd read some real horrors on here about men on dating sites, so was patting myself on the back for avoiding all that. Until my own horrors were unleashed 😀

I really wasn't sure. A lot can change in a decade.

I agree the man has issues. I noticed red flags in other areas of his life too.

Yo don't need to tell 'em all that.

I thought we could be more discrete.

Jeeze, this could set me back a bit.Bigly.

Eeewww. I doubt most men are like this. Still, if anything happened to dh I would absolutely 100% be staying single and celibate for the rest of my life.

Ewwww ewwww ewwww i would have run screaming in the opposite direction!!! Why are people so bloody weird

Well if this is what they class as 'normal' sex I'm bloody glad I'm single 😝

Hahahahaha 😂

Well what's changed is the nature and uptake of pornography.

Yeah, I realise pornography has had an influence. I felt more like a list of things when it came to sex. Quite a depersonalising experience tbh.

Yes, transactional, which I suppose is a reflection of wider consumer and individualistic culture.

I've never understood sex as being as list of acts undertaken, makes.it feel like work and not fun.

makes.it feel like work and not fun

Exactly what I said to him! None of what he was proposing would have been fun for me. He knew this and kept on pestering. On the bright side, at least I was able to practice enforcing my boundaries.

I've done a fair bit of dating over the last couple of years. There are a fair few men out there with various kinks, but also plenty who aren't.

EBearhug I found his hyper focus on these things a bit much I suppose. If I'm honest, the phrase "pandering" kept popping into my head. His kinks/fetishes were of the type to require thought, therefore taking up far more headspace than it should, for a man I'm just getting to know.

After 10 years celibacy, sex in general felt pretty daunting, so being immediately plunged into acting out somebody else's fantasies felt quite jarring. I did tell him early on that we were incompatible re. his fetishes, and he said they weren't that important. But then kept trying to convince me otherwise, or suggesting different ones off his inexhaustible list.

I found him at the local park where I walk my dog.

Was he also wearing a collar and lead?

Oh, and he wanted me to fit him with a cock cage and keep the keys within only a few weeks of knowing each other.

😂

A cock cage? Is that something on a chicken farm? Clearly these people spend too much time on the internet reading whatever.

Its not unusual. On a first date a friend of mine said the bloke advised he had a bootful of bondage gear and wondered if she wanted to go into the woods to engage in all sorts of filth. This is why you must always meet in a public place with lots of people around, these deviants are everywhere.

Op should have given him this!

Blimey. Me and DH aren't exactly vanilla, but I can safely say anything we've tried or played around with has been part of a mutual and fun conversation where we've decided to have a go at something. Some things have stayed as a "sometimes", others we've never done again. This is...weird. And manipulative!

I'd run as far and as fast as I could, ASAP! Men like this are usually only scratching the surface with what they tell you at the beginning, plus it's all linked to pornography. Not something I'd want anything to do with.

I hope you find someone normal and soon! It might be on the rise, but it's definitely not the norm!

Well the standard of men is certainly through the floor, yes. And BDSM at an all time high thanks to porn and things like 50 shades making it fairly mainstream.