The men of today

[Quacksalver]

After nearly 10 years(!) of celibacy, I recently started seeing somebody. It quickly transpired that they had loads of fetishes/kinks. Now some of them seemed pretty extreme to me. Is stuff like pegging and humiliation part of vanilla sex these days? I really didn't fancy any of it (there was a LONG list!) and bowed out. Oh, and he wanted me to fit him with a cock cage and keep the keys within only a few weeks of knowing each other.

Is this just what men are up to these days?

😂

Brilliant @Planesmistakenforstars

The thing is, there's plenty of places where he could meet like minded people who would LOVE to do those things.

But I've found from experience that a lot of men like it more when they can convince someone inexperienced to do these things, it's abusive and a bit rapey imo.

Not necessarily. DH is more vanilla than I am 😂

Blimey. I don't even know what most of those terms mean!

On a first date a friend of mine said the bloke advised he had a bootful of bondage gear and wondered if she wanted to go into the woods to engage in all sorts of filth

^

Nothing like showing your true personality on a first date eh

The poor woman

Never come across this and I have dated A LOT.

The kinkiest thing that has sneaked into mainstream sex is light spanking.

This hasn't happened in the last 10 years. More like last 30 years.

Don't people have relationships anymore? Sex just seems like a process these days. Very depressing.

This man seems very extreme! But you may find that the men your dating have a couple more kinks than your used to. And that just because they're likely to be older than the men you've previously dated.

20 year olds don't generally have much experience with sex, so the extent of their kinkiness is sex with the lights on. You get more experienced, you find out what you like.

DP didn't discover she liked being spanked until her 30s while watching Secretary, and I didn't find out I liked hot candle wax being dropped over me until last year.

We'd probably liked those things in our 20s, had we ever tried it, but we didn't, so had very vanilla sex though.

None of that means you have to accommodate anyone else's kinks though if you don't want to.

Not dated for years but a friend has, no kinks as such but very high maintenance, one had a go at her for being late even though she text him to tell him the reason which was fair, and she wasn’t even that late. He said she was too fat anyway so sent her a long email telling all that was wrong with her. And another one who put her job and her lifestyle down.

I feel like this is quite important to acknowledge. Me and DH are er..spicy! But we discovered it as we went, together, through time. But it was all very mutual and consensual.

The guy OP met seems so odd, not because of his kinks, but because of how he just lists them off. I find that uncomfortable, like surely you'd just have some sexy talk to get a lay of the land later on, maybe experiment together, but the way he sets is out is mind boggling to me.

Consent is key, but also communication skills! Not everyone is up for bondage or pegging. Talking about it like your favourite food is a bit... 😬 It's a bit of a cultural shift, I think. Online porn spaces can be very open, so some people expect to be able to speak like that with strangers IRL.

Prob hopes that go on enough dates his woodland fantasy comes true. What's that film with the Scottish girls and one of them wants 'the bondage' whilst tied to a tree?

And these characters wonder why they are single and women are bitches. So they get back online with their world wide incel friends.

Yes, paired with his latex, arseless gimp suit. Should have listened to my instincts I guess 🙁

Is he single?

(Actually, no need to answer. I think I've worked it out for myself......)