If you grew up poor, what minor/low level thing would have helped you?

[flowersintheatticus]

Obviously the solution is money, which isn't really an option. I'm involved in a very small scale community 'levelling up' project to help dc who are in the lowest socio-economic bracket. What practical/human resource might have helped you? The families already have access to food bank/heating vouchers, so it's more aimed at the children and their development, education and wellbeing. Any suggestions welcome.

Firstly, thanks @flowersintheatticus for starting this thread. It’s really powerful.

I have two practical suggestions and one abstract one.

1. trainers. As PPs have said, they are a key form of cultural capital. You have nice trainers, you fit in. I didn’t. My mum always turned us out well for school, so I had decent school shoes, but I dreaded non-uniform days because I’d have to wear my only pair of Adidas popper trousers and school shoes. Felt like a dick.

2. the sundries that come with school activities. Money for the school disco. Money for the scientific calculator. Money for the Spanish dictionary. They’d always end up causing huge rows between my divorced parents as to whose responsibility it was to pay for them. My mum always made me ask my dad because they hated each other and weren’t on speaking terms, and we’d have to ask him for money and it was horrible because he didn’t have any. I always felt really shit about it, and I remember it was only £6 for the Spanish dictionary. But £6 was enough to cause a row.

3. my abstract one: confidence. You can buy it and I never had enough money for it. It’s so hard to explain if you’ve never experienced it. I’m bright, went to a good school and then on to Oxbridge, and now I’m in a decent white collar profession. But I’m nearly 40 and I have never mastered that feeling of feeling equal to the room I’m in. I always feel like I have something to prove, or that I don’t have the right to be there. I second guess myself, assume I’m wrong. In my last job, my boss was privately educated and she just exuded confidence and stature. I’m sure she didn’t feel like that inside, but that’s what she projected. I never had that.

proper uniform and PE kit like others have said. I had my sister's uniform etc but parents didn't take into account that it had changed! felt so different and was relentlessly bullied. Parents were loving, they didn't know any better.

Things I wish I'd had as a kid:

Decent windows - Single pane windows don't keep much heat in and waking up cold with the water by your bed frozen is not fun.

Decorated house - old carpets, tatty wallpaper, 70s tiles and kitchen that's falling to pieces.. I could never invite friends around which meant a lot as a teen.

Decent furniture - everything was old and broken and given to us by well meaning people who had bought new and we got cast offs.

Clothes and shoes - old hand me downs and charity sourced clothes that looked like they were from the 70s... Because they were... i was raised in the 80s and 90s.. I didn't have a new pair of trainers until I was 13.

Colour TV - stupid I know. My friends all had colour, satellite, cable, sky etc I had a tiny black and white with a dial on the front for changing channels.

Heating - the house I was raised in had a gas fire in the living room and the one in each bedroom. That was it. They used to heat the 2 foot in front of it, but that was about it. I knew people with radiators and it was like magic.

Food - the size of the meals my dad cooked never increased from about age 7 or so... But he'd serve it with more and more slices of bread and butter. By around age 14/15 I was having tiny meals with 5 slices of bread and butter to fill me up. (Filling but not the most nutritious)

....

And you know what..

Duvets ... I didn't have a duvet until I moved out of home and bought my own bedding.. until then it was blankets and sheets and old sleeping bags. I used to sleep with clothes on and a beanie hat in the winter some nights.

A book of free activities - games, things to play, maybe simple crafts or something to do together as a family. Even Taskmaster style tasks but family friendly and only requiring things you'd already have at home.

I was so bored over the summer holidays because my mum couldn't afford a car so we barely left the house for six weeks, we would sometimes go to a local park if the weather was good but it was basically a patch of grass with a couple of benches.

Sorry I haven't read all the later comments yet so these may have been said:

A laundry service, or washing machine and dryer at the foodbank, perhaps to drop off and collect. We had a washer in the home but the electricity meter ran out all the time. Dirrty clothes piled up.
It was especially hard in secondary school, I often had no clean pants or socks. I was embarrassed and would try to wash my pants with soap in the sink. I vividly remember secretly cutting up some old leggings to fashion into underwear. It was during my period and I only had tissues for protection. I knew my clothes were smelly and someone actually asked what IS that smell? Sorry TMI. But having clean clothes was a huge challenge.

Secondly: a clothing repair kit, or a Patching up service - if you have the space. My clothes had broken zips, tears in the knees and the crotch of trousers, it felt so embarrassing when people noticed my pants showing through a zip!!

And lastly, a hot water bottle. We didn't have a single one in the house, and when there was no coal for the radiators, I would sleep with a 2litre coke bottle, filled up with water boiled on a paraffin stove. It kept me warm but I dont think it was safe, looking back. A real hot water bottle would have been nice.

It sounds so silly to have gone without these things in the mid to late 90's. But poverty is still rife today.

I've donated sanitary stuff to the food bank before as well as conditioner, hand cream, washing up liquid, shave gel, body spray, lip balms etc
Anything that's a bit of a treat. I guess everyone donates shower gel and shampoo but I would miss conditioner!
Laundry stuff - capsules or tablets so it's easier to split. Washing up sponges, cloths

I don't earn much but I keep an eye on supermarket/boots reduced stuff as i can donate it if it's not something I need, and also 3 for 2, special offers etc

They said stuff like that they have a shelf which is more help yourself rather than putting it in bags so people can take what they need

What helped me was having 2 fantastic and loving Aunties that took me and my sister's out for little treats. They bought us a comic every Saturday. Made sure we had shoes that fitted and a warm coat. Took us to Saturday morning cinema trips twice a month. Read us stories and took us for walks and the park. Bought us sparklers for firework night and ice creams in the summer months. Trips to the seaside and bought us a party dress each when our old ones did not fit anymore. We had good parents but they couldn't afford many things for us. I especially loved that they bought us both season tickets for the swimming pool during the long school holidays in the summer. That meant we could go almost every day.

I don't feel guilty.
There was no need for what we went through. There was money enough for cigarettes, for instance.
When I had children myself, with baths and showers and clean school uniform and a house fit to invite their friends round, there was a good deal of sneering and comments about me being a snob and the kids being spoilt.

-edit-

A mattress and a quilt with sheets and pillows.
Someone to telll me I could be anything I wanted to be. Not asa group/assembly but to me.
I had the right school uniform but I had hardly any other clothes. I had one pair of shoes- school shoes. I had no trainers. So definitely help there.

This is so lovely to read, bless your aunties

Vests. We used to have to do PE in vests and knickers. But I didn't have any so I would just have to go topless. Knickers weren't always clean either. I only ever received them as gifts from my grandma so didn't own many.

Chapstick. In the winter my lips were so cracked and would bleed.

Like many others, a good coat. I remember going to the doctors (on my own!) aged 8 or 9 with a bad chest infection in no coat. There was a frost and I was just wearing a school skirt with no tights and a jumper.

I also remember having to go to non uniform day in my uniform and pretend I had forgotten.

Sanitary products! I would have to use tissue paper quite often which would leak through.

Heat of some sort at bedtime. And a half decent bed and bedding. And pyjamas. No sleep makes everything so hard. Shampoo and toiletries.

money for school trips. I had to lie and say I didn’t want to go. In reality I used to dream about going to an actual theatre or gallery.
Dental checks. Braces if needed. optitians. I know it’s free for kids, but if parents don’t take you that doesn’t matter.
someone pushing things like dyslexia testing or any medical checks that should be happening.
nice stationary. (I know it’s not essential but it’s so lovely)!
just a little bit of money to buy family or friends small birthday gifts. Horrible and humiliating not being able to.

an adult who can go to parents evenings and advocate for you. This could make such a huge difference.
someone to tell you you are just as good, deserving and able as the other kids…and keep repeating it.

Having someone who would listen to my insterets and invest in them. My mum was great at buying me things like pencils and pens and fabrics as she saw that I was creative. But I guess she wouldn’t have been able to afford proper classes.

I guess a place where I can realise my insterests. Now that I’m older I can see how my dd thrives in the activities I pay for which she has a personal interest in outside of school. But if I couldn’t afford it, it would be nice to have alternatives.

It’s an incredibly humbling thread and a timely reminder to myself to try to do more even if it is the small things. Small deeds done with love; I’ve been fortunate to be blessed with those at crucial points in my life. I can’t change someone’s reality but can try to help shift perspective. Sending love and compassion to the many on this thread 💐

There is a charity that was on a breakfast show that does this … provide as many beds as possible to children in the UK. They started during covid … I have tried looking for them but can’t find a link.

I agree

I didn't grow up poor, but grew up working class.

Being sent to the local grammar school would have helped enormously, instead of the appalling bad local comp

Clothes, I remeber getting new clothes once a year on my birthday. The school disco as a teen still gives me pain. I was in my everyday jeans and t shirt I lived in while everyone else in fashionable new clothes.

@rosydreams

when i am already poor when i have poor English skills

^

This isn't true. You don't have poor English skills, you just wrote a post on here several paragraphs long!!

Why don't you do some courses and find a different job if the people you work with drive you crazy?

Especially if you speak a second language?? That's amazing, not everyone can speak two languages!

(I've been trying, and failing to do so for several years)

In my last job, my boss was privately educated and she just exuded confidence and stature. I’m sure she didn’t feel like that inside, but that’s what she projected. I never had that

^

This. This is what I wanted.

Free school meals

This. I had no idea that I could get a student loan or even how to apply to college or uni as my parents said it was for doctors or lawyers (which I could have easily been if I had a different life). I had no idea how I could get to a place of education or where I would live (I paid rent to my parents from my part time work already). I have ended up financially very secure and with an oxbridge post grade in my 40's but I grafted too hard and missed so many life experiences that I should have had at a young age. My school careers advisor told me to be a butcher (?) or an air traffic controller. I couldn't work out how I would get to the airport an hour away at age 16.

Also to add similar to what pp have said a mentorship programme with someone in the career path your interested in. It's so so hard for kids from poorer backgrounds to make those connections for work placements/ summer schemes / grad schemes or any type of work experience that would properly link them up with a job prospect -say at the end of a highly competitive degree. Some fields are about who you know and not necessarily what you know so your up against all the people whose parents were well connected enough to these careers to get them work experience etc and no-one gives those with no connections a look in.