DS not friends with clever kids. Does it matter?

[horribleperson22]

Ok I've changed my username name for this as I know this thread makes me sound like a truly awful person. Maybe I am.
My good friend is a teacher and she has always said when your child is in primary it is the parents that determine how well your child will do through encouragement, support, helping with homework etc. However at secondary school their friendship group is the biggest factor in how well they do in school.
I have friends whose DSs made friends at secondary school with other boys who were really clever and their kids were competitive and tried to outdo their friends in tests and exams and did really well in school.
Now, my DS is 14 and doing fairly well in most subjects in school-he's not the cleverest but not the worst either. His three best friends in school are lovely, polite, nice, good fun boys and their families are really nice too. However they have fantastically failed most class tests so far. They joked at getting 4% in the most recent maths test-they thought it was hilarious. I'm getting a little concerned that this might rub off on my DS at such a crucial time in his education.
I've obviously not mentioned this to him at all and so far he seems content to work for class tests etc.
Am I worrying over nothing or do you think this may affect his exam prep?

If his friends are supportive when he works and does well, then I don’t think his friends are going to be the problem.

14yo is probably the trickiest time with teenagers. If he is still working and getting decent results, then he’ll be ok. Things change quickly in a year or two on that front.
I think the fact he is in the right environment for him re school will help too.

Sorry to hear that @PaperGloves.

I think thats fine then, they are nice people, supportive and good friends. If they were bullying him for doing well then I would be worried. Hold the line on your expectations and tbh I’d just be grateful that his friends are good people. There are so many threads on here about bullying or toxic friends.

Being a bit nerdy doesn’t necessarily mean you are nice.

Thanks @User37482 and for everyone else taking the time to reply. Really appreciate it.

I’d also say that when companies are hiring young graduates they don’t look simply at grades. They are looking at the whole person- interpersonal skills, resilience, ability to communicate with different types of people as well as initiative.

so many young graduates with very shiny cvs lack a lot of these skills.

If your DS is able to get on well with his peers , then it bodes well for his success as a future employee.

the most successful people I went to uni with were not the most academic or the most type ‘A’- it was the ones who were clever enough, but got on well with people, and were sociable. So much of career building is networking and being someone people want to work with. Unless you are splitting the atom, many graduate jobs don’t require the brains of Einstein- you just need to be clever enough

Honestly, if you do not have the ambition on the inside, no one from the outside can inject it to you

It is great that your son has nice friends.
So important to their overall happiness.
We have privately educated our children and overall their friends were very ambitious.
My daughters friends even more so.
I definitely believe being surrounded by kids that expect to do well helps.

However OP, in your place I would be speaking to your son and pointing out how important it is that he works hard and does well, as you want him to have the choice of a good vourse at university.

I also would pay close condition to what his teachers say about his work, effort he puts in, homework, attention, etc.
If they say he is doing his best, it should be ok.
I have always been very clear that I expect excellent effort, rather than results.
Once they put in a fair effort, that is what counts.

I agree. Be happy that he has these friends.

Don't care what results my children’s friends get, as long as they are kind, thoughtful, supportive of each other.

Get your son some professional careers advice so he can focus with an aim in mind

His original friends were lovely but gradually he moved into other groups and finally ended up with the high fliers. There was no falling out just a shifting as they went along. Your guy will find his own level or those present friends will mature a bit. So many kids that age are suffering school anxiety/ school refusal/ bullying/ no friends he is in a good place having a good social group keeping his school experience positive. When guys decide on what course they want at college they begin to get motivated and up a gear. At 14 he is just coasting which is OK. Doesn't mean you don't keep pressure on and encourage study but don't be anxious.

I do agree with this and how academic your sons friends are doesn't matter BUT if they mess about in class and don't care about doing well that might not be an influence you should encourage.

Year 9 is the witching hour in education. They know that they won't have to ever do some of those subjects again and it really doesn't matter what results they get in tests for what will become option subjects. They're also at the emotional and physical stage of everything going at a thousand miles a minute whilst their limbs seem barely attached to their torsos and walking along seems almost impossible without falling over, bumping into somebody else or starting a quick game of backpack football.

The majority of the most Year 9 like of Year 9s settle down by Half term to Christmas of Y10, a small number take a little bit longer and have to get the 'Oh, shit, this actually matters now' moment a couple of months later, but by Year 11, they are pretty much all heads down and getting on with it.

It's not a concern, especially not when they're all 'lovely boys' to start with.