Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Is it okay that I didn’t?

27 replies

Gggggg21 · 09/10/2024 11:44

Enjoy every moment of the early days with a 2 year old and newborn…

just seen someone I know post (she’s just had her 2nd and her eldest will be 2 next month) “Enjoying every moment”

and I felt a pang of guilt. Because I look back and I didn’t.

I felt depressed. I was breastfeeding and felt pressured to continue so was even more sad. I missed my first child which sounds weird? But I missed being able to be 100% all the time for him and not split in 2

am I a bad mum for not enjoying it?

NB: they’re 2 y 10 months and 10 months old now and it’s so much better. I do enjoy it now :) but I didn’t early on?

OP posts:
FloofPaws · 09/10/2024 11:46

Not at all, I also found it an awful time, til they were 3-4 years old to be honest! HATED breast feeding, was scared the whole time something awful would happen - horrible times

redtrain123 · 09/10/2024 11:47

I didn’t enjoy the early years much. Preferred it when they got older. However, I think it’s a bit if a taboo to say this.

Don’t feel guilty. What you’re experienced is normal.

GinnyPiggie · 09/10/2024 11:49

Honestly, looking back at 20 years of parenting, I'm not sure I really enjoyed much of it at all. I love my DC - they are my whole world and my heart - but honestly, I found almost none of it even enjoyable.

I also look back and feel guilty about that: do I not have a big enough heart? Am I not a good person? But maybe it's just very, very hard for a lot of us.

I have an empty nest this year and finally feel happy.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

2 year olds 9-12 months old Babies & sleep Families
PersephoneAgrees · 09/10/2024 11:49

I don't think many people enjoy every moment of the early years. It's an instagram caption that you have to ignore. Looking after a toddler and a newborn is bloody hard work. I missed being able to (selfishly) sit and read a chapter of my book, or watch half an hour of TV without constant interruptions, or even eat a meal in peace. Don't feel guilty. You're just like the rest of us.

MoneyAndPercentages · 09/10/2024 11:51

God no. I only had one, and I'm only starting to enjoy it more now he's 5 😂 Most nights still I'm counting down til bedtime.

EveryKneeShallBow · 09/10/2024 11:52

I’m not a natural born mum. There were lots of bits I found incredibly boring and hard work. But now I have grandchildren and they’re so much better, because you get the good bits and hand them back at the end of the day!

PaperGloves · 09/10/2024 11:53

The only person who needs to be ‘ok’ with it is you, surely? I’m entirely unapologetic about having been unspeakably miserable on maternity leave and hating the small baby stage. I adore DS and am fully confident of being a good enough mother, but that doesn’t include pretending I ‘loved every second’ because someone else said they did on Instagram.

FranticFrankie · 09/10/2024 11:53

Enjoy every moment? Trying to convince themselves maybe?
You’re not a bad mum OP- your experience sounds very common- the early days are really hard and I think a lot of us are kind of “shell shocked”. With a toddler in the mix, there’s less chance to rest!

ByMerryKoala · 09/10/2024 11:54

Yes, of course it's fine. Enjoying every moment of it is not a prerequisite of being a good Mum. I expect I'd have enjoyed the early days with my DC a good deal more if they had been sleepers and I wasn't running on fumes. But that's just how it goes sometimes.

mewkins · 09/10/2024 11:54

My eldest is 14 and now the good bits far outweigh the bad bits but still when I'm being a taxi service 6 days out of 7 and haven't had time to eat I really don't enjoy it.

(Also I don't really know anyone who loved the baby years).

Megifer · 09/10/2024 11:55

What a lying crowbag.

No one enjoys every moment. Absolutely no one. But for purposes of social media everything is always glorious and wonderful.

I'll tell you a story - my friends SM is full of posts like "so wonderful that my DC get on even though they are boy and girl, and are so different, they love each other so much. Heartwarming"

She posted a pic of them both on a fair ride, both had their heads turned away from the other and she posted one of those messages. She'd clearly forgot that DURING THE RIDE THAT I WAS ALSO ON i had to referee the most glorious blazing row I'd ever seen between her two DC. And I see them rowing ALL THE TIME.

Cue load of "you're so lucky hun my two hate each other"

But i know 🤣

NotLactoseFree · 09/10/2024 11:57

This is a bit controversial, but I've actually become a bit suspicious of people who say things like that. Because either it's true, and they are genuinely loving every minute in which case I suspect those are the people who never want their children to grow up and become really irritating parents to older kids OR they're actually really really struggling and these sort of posts are a desperate attempt to convince themselves it's okay.

GroovyChick87 · 09/10/2024 11:59

Of course not. I loved all my babies at first sight but it's a worrying time with a lot of stresses that come with it. Even though I've got 4 children it was still a worry bringing home a brand new baby each time. My youngest had feeding difficulties and severe reflux and kept losing weight so that was hard. With my first I was worried because it was all new to me. Then with my second, third and fourth children I couldn't focus on my newborn as much because I had other very young children to care for too.

Comedycook · 09/10/2024 12:01

I had a two year old and a newborn once... hardest thing ever

ARichtGoodDram · 09/10/2024 12:02

I always assume that people saying that mean "Enjoying every enjoyable moment"

Because nobody enjoys every moment of anything. We enjoy the nice moments and the good moments and the happy moments.

Original poster
Gggggg21 · 09/10/2024 12:06

Wow thank you all. I felt like a shit mum! Like I say I enjoy it so much more now. I mean there’s some not enjoyable moments (both kicking off at the same time lol! And tackling potty training with our eldest while our youngest crawls / steps about causing destruction haha)

but at the start I think I enjoyed a snippet. Now it’s majority that I enjoy

a newborn and toddler is so so so difficult. I had a C-section too so the guilt I felt trying to explain to my toddler who didn’t understand I couldn’t pick him up. Yep still feel awful now when I remember how deflated he seemed about it

OP posts:
99RedBallonz · 09/10/2024 12:08

Agree with everyone else so far. "Enjoying every moment" is just a fairly empty platitude she has used to make her life look social media worthy.

No-one enjoys every moment of everything, especially looking after two young children. Of course there are lovely, wonderful moments, but there are relentless, gruelling days that go with it.

When my 2nd child was new, there were highs and lows. If I had actually made it out of the house before lunch and my plans had come to fruition I would be over the moon with myself. The very next day I might be sat in my bathrobe at noon wondering how I can spend so much effort making absolutely nobody happy!

GinnyPiggie · 09/10/2024 12:10

NotLactoseFree · 09/10/2024 11:57

This is a bit controversial, but I've actually become a bit suspicious of people who say things like that. Because either it's true, and they are genuinely loving every minute in which case I suspect those are the people who never want their children to grow up and become really irritating parents to older kids OR they're actually really really struggling and these sort of posts are a desperate attempt to convince themselves it's okay.

I feel like that too. Maybe I'm cynical. But I think it must be sad to be continually thinking 'Will this make good content? Does this picture look good?' Fuck that.

ahemfem · 09/10/2024 12:11

It's absolutely OK for you not to have enjoyed it and it's absolutely OK for them to have enjoyed it

yeesh · 09/10/2024 12:14

No one enjoys every moment surely? Who enjoys a poonami 💩 or when the baby kicks the cat or eats a slug. Little ones are cute and cuddly but they are also at least half evil most of the time 😆

MagpiePi · 09/10/2024 12:16

I was totally overwhelmed with being a parent. It was boring, repetitive, lonely and I was so tired all of the time. I found my kids more and more interesting as they got older and were able to do things and develop personalities. I was fiercely protective and would have ripped your arm off and beaten you to death with the soggy end if you'd tried to harm my babies, but I don't think I ever felt that joyful love that we are supposed to feel. I don't think having undiagnosed PND and a shit partner helped.

Beezknees · 09/10/2024 12:24

YANBU, I didn't. I don't like toddlers, they're too much hard work.

Love parenting my teen on the other hand and many others hate these years. Swings and roundabouts!

Comedycook · 09/10/2024 12:26

Does this person who is enjoying every moment have heaps of help by any chance?

Comedycook · 09/10/2024 12:28

Beezknees · 09/10/2024 12:24

YANBU, I didn't. I don't like toddlers, they're too much hard work.

Love parenting my teen on the other hand and many others hate these years. Swings and roundabouts!

Toddlers and teens are the toughest stages imo.. love a newborn though and primary age is a delight

MummyJ36 · 09/10/2024 12:31

So DC1 is my absolute little best friend these days, I feel so lucky every day that they came into my life when they did. However….for the first 6 months after they were born I thought almost every day “what have I done”. I could not believe I would turn my life upside down and truly didn’t enjoy it. I suspect I had PPD but I couldn’t recognise it and nor did any of my (incredibly
lovely) family around me. It was only after 6 months that I started to accept this was my life now and make some headway in “enjoying” it.

All that is to say that it is NORMAL. I find that it is only when I looked back on pictures of baby DC1 that I could see that those days weren’t all horrible, that I was making progress and that I was on a journey that would bring me to where I am today. Be gentle with yourself OP, all you need l to do at the moment is survive and keep an eye on yourself and your well being. There is nothing to be gained by pressuring yourself to love all of it.