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Original poster

What do you do if you can’t dress child for school ?

51 replies

Notgettingdressed · 09/10/2024 08:12

Ds won’t get dressed (he’s 4). I can’t dress him either. He’s running fighting pulling things off as quick as I can get this on. Couldn’t get him in yesterday and looks like the same today. He’s big and strong for his age and has ASD. I feel ridiculous saying I can’t dress my child but I can’t. I’ve tried for 45 mins and gone to kitchen for a break as he’s not giving up . Has anyone else had this ? Any tips ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Notgettingdressed · 09/10/2024 08:14

He can’t be taken in nightwear as that’s all off and he won’t wear anything. I can’t restrain him to get him in the car anyway it’s not safe. I think he’s struggling with the transition to reception and as he’s non verbal this is his way of telling us he is stressed

OP posts:
PaperGloves · 09/10/2024 08:14

Then he goes in wearing whatever he’s wearing? Pyjamas?

PaperGloves · 09/10/2024 08:15

Sorry, x-posted.

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SEN
OhNoFloyd · 09/10/2024 08:16

Call the school and ask for their advice. They might have someone who can do a home visit (my school would be able to arrange this but I know not all schools can). But either way you should let them know asap what the challenge is. They will have seen it all before.

crumblingschools · 09/10/2024 08:17

Is it sensory thing with some of his uniform or down to stress of going to school?

TickingAlongNicely · 09/10/2024 08:17

Do you need to be anywhere (like work?) Call the school, say you will get him there when you can and give you both time to calm down. And get him into any clothes. (Does he have sensory issue with the uniform?)

1apenny2apenny · 09/10/2024 08:20

Start putting him in more day type clothes at bedtime so if he won't change then at least he can go to school in what he's wearing? Eg tracksuit bottoms?

VanWeezer · 09/10/2024 08:21

Sympathies. My son was like this when he was younger. He has ASD but is verbal.

Mornings were chaos at that age. What really helped was getting clothes out the night before. This gave my son time to work out what was happening.

Is it just school uniform? It may feel odd and much more rigid than his normal clothes. This took us a long while to figure out that his socks can't have seems.

Good luck. It does get easier in the mornings as you get into a routine.

Also have you looked at PECS so he knows what is going to happen. It's the routine in picture form

PaperGloves · 09/10/2024 08:29

The sensory thing with uniform is a good point. DS is not ND, but has just moved to a non-uniform wearing primary to a secondary with formal uniform rules, tie, blazer etc, and he found it really confining, and harsh-feeling.

mitogoshigg · 09/10/2024 08:32

We had a board with pictures explaining the routine, dd was becoming verbal (just) at 4 but struggled a lot. Still needed it at secondary age to remind her the sequence

GoldyHorn · 09/10/2024 08:32

I also wondered if it was just uniform he doesn't like. Those school trousers are the worst!

I woke definitely speak with the school.

My instinct is to make the day extremely boring. Don't go anywhere, I'd do housework all day long and tell him that is what you do when he's at school. Mopping.

brittanyfairies · 09/10/2024 08:35

Mine got put in the car in his pyjamas. I did have a set of clothes for him to get changed into, and he did get dressed in the car once he realised I wasn't messing about and would take him into the classroom in his pyjamas. It was the last time he did it to me. Mine had ASD too, but sometimes just kicking off and being naughty is a kid thing and nothing related to autism.

wildfellhall · 09/10/2024 08:39

I'm not an expert in any of this but I remember using quiet music and songs to influence my ds st this age when he was challenging.

I would sing a song about what we were doing. Not to suggest that this would work but I always tried to use music to change the atmosphere to help him slow down and feel calmer.

boobybum · 09/10/2024 08:41

So there could be several things going on such as he simply doesn’t want to go to school. If he associates uniform with school he may think that not wearing the uniform means that school doesn’t have to happen.
Or it could be a sensory issue - how is he with other clothing? Can you put him in something more comfortable such as dark jogger and a sweatshirt in school appropriate colours?
Maybe he likes to have more control over the situation so can you offer him two choices of trousers, two choices of top etc.. You may need to do this the night before if he is likely to take a while deciding.
Have you tried any visuals as these can help greatly. Just a simple strip with Velcro pictures showing the order that the clothing goes on and he gets to remove each picture as he gets dressed.
And I agree with previous posters that it’s worth speaking to the school about what allowances they can make if it’s the type of school that is normally strict with uniform policies.

Comedycook · 09/10/2024 08:47

Is he fine getting dressed for the day on weekends op? Is it the actual uniform that's the issue or dressing in general?

Original poster
Notgettingdressed · 09/10/2024 08:51

If he even sees the uniform at weekends he starts screaming. I think it’s just he knows that the uniform means school. I’ve given up and phoned the school to ask them for advice. He seems to want to wear nothing most of the time since starting reception even at weekends and he seems on ‘high alert’ and I feel like he’s thinking ‘no clothes and nobody will take me outside’

OP posts:
Original poster
Notgettingdressed · 09/10/2024 08:52

Comedycook · 09/10/2024 08:47

Is he fine getting dressed for the day on weekends op? Is it the actual uniform that's the issue or dressing in general?

Used to be no problem at all. Since starting reception it’s a huge problem

OP posts:
Mitherations · 09/10/2024 08:52

Bath him and put him to bed in joggers and a tshirt and then give him the choice of uniform or not. That way you don't get dragged into the mayhem for fear of wrangling him into the car naked, stick his uniform in a bag and he can put it on at school if he changes his mind. It's a lot for them to cope with. And you!

Chillisintheair · 09/10/2024 08:54

Visual time table of each item and let him choose between uniform and non uniform. But the SEN board may have better advice.

Comedycook · 09/10/2024 08:56

And what's the uniform like? If it's the uniform that bothers him can you make small adjustments....does he have to wear trousers? Would joggers be more comfortable for example?

Original poster
Notgettingdressed · 09/10/2024 08:57

Chillisintheair · 09/10/2024 08:54

Visual time table of each item and let him choose between uniform and non uniform. But the SEN board may have better advice.

We have picture cards and we do let him choose but he is clearly one step ahead and knows if he’s dressed he can go out so he’s just ripping off everything to be naked I think so that we don’t them take him out trying to get near him to try and dress him is like trying to dress an angry feral cat covered in oil he seems to have endless energy to fight off being dressed

OP posts:
Original poster
Notgettingdressed · 09/10/2024 08:58

Comedycook · 09/10/2024 08:56

And what's the uniform like? If it's the uniform that bothers him can you make small adjustments....does he have to wear trousers? Would joggers be more comfortable for example?

He just has joggers and a soft polo shirt plus a school fleece it’s all soft and comfortable and he has seamless socks . He just knows from routines that it’s get up, breakfast, brush teeth, get dressed go out and he will do the other steps but won’t get dressed

OP posts:
Hayley1256 · 09/10/2024 09:02

Is there anything going on at school that he's upset about? With him been non verbal it will be hard for him to communicate, is there anyway you could talk to him and understand of anything has happened?

Mitherations · 09/10/2024 09:02

Notgettingdressed · 09/10/2024 08:58

He just has joggers and a soft polo shirt plus a school fleece it’s all soft and comfortable and he has seamless socks . He just knows from routines that it’s get up, breakfast, brush teeth, get dressed go out and he will do the other steps but won’t get dressed

Show quote history

Put him to bed in the joggers and a Tshirt, then you can zip the fleece over that if it's not happening. It could be something as simple as the collar or the buttons on the polo, it could be the stitching on the back of the buttons, or the seam inside the back of the neck where the collar attaches.

SophiaJ8 · 09/10/2024 09:04

Could you switch up the routine so it’s getting dressed first, then he might be encouraged to get dressed to have breakfast/have some tablet time etc?

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