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Original poster

What do you do if you can’t dress child for school ?

51 replies

Notgettingdressed · 09/10/2024 08:12

Ds won’t get dressed (he’s 4). I can’t dress him either. He’s running fighting pulling things off as quick as I can get this on. Couldn’t get him in yesterday and looks like the same today. He’s big and strong for his age and has ASD. I feel ridiculous saying I can’t dress my child but I can’t. I’ve tried for 45 mins and gone to kitchen for a break as he’s not giving up . Has anyone else had this ? Any tips ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Notgettingdressed · 09/10/2024 09:04

Hayley1256 · 09/10/2024 09:02

Is there anything going on at school that he's upset about? With him been non verbal it will be hard for him to communicate, is there anyway you could talk to him and understand of anything has happened?

I think it’s just different ? And he needs time to adjust but it’s really difficult

OP posts:
Applesandpears23 · 09/10/2024 09:07

Is he summer born? Sounds like he’s not ready for school to me. Is it possible to put him back in jursery for a year?

doodleschnoodle · 09/10/2024 09:08

Does he enjoy games? Could you make it into a game? DD1 loved the dressing robot that sometimes malfunctioned so would try to put pants on her head, etc. You may have already tried but if not, it's worth a go when things are calmer. Or the runaway clothes game: I used to pretend the clothes were trying to escape and we had to wrestle them to her before they could. It sounds silly but it made her laugh and she was eager to play along.

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SEN
cantkeepawayforever · 09/10/2024 09:08

Mainstream primary or special school? EHCP? What support is in place in school - consistent full time 1:1?

Original poster
Notgettingdressed · 09/10/2024 09:09

Applesandpears23 · 09/10/2024 09:07

Is he summer born? Sounds like he’s not ready for school to me. Is it possible to put him back in jursery for a year?

I think I’ve missed the October cut off now for nursery funding

OP posts:
Frowningprovidence · 09/10/2024 09:11

It sounds like he associates the uniform with school. My son was simikar. He actually got hold of scissors and cut it up once!

Anyway, this means it's not your routine ir visuals that's the issue. He needs more support in school. I would ask to meet and see what they are doing in terms of routine, visuals etc. Even if they say he us fine, he might need a few more tweaks.

cantkeepawayforever · 09/10/2024 09:13

Frowningprovidence · 09/10/2024 09:11

It sounds like he associates the uniform with school. My son was simikar. He actually got hold of scissors and cut it up once!

Anyway, this means it's not your routine ir visuals that's the issue. He needs more support in school. I would ask to meet and see what they are doing in terms of routine, visuals etc. Even if they say he us fine, he might need a few more tweaks.

That was my thought - if you can get him
into a suitable setting with sufficient support, then it is likely that this particular form of ‘school refusal’ will abate.

arthar · 09/10/2024 09:14

PaperGloves · 09/10/2024 08:14

Then he goes in wearing whatever he’s wearing? Pyjamas?

He is a 4 year old disabled child, why would you put him to school in pyjamas? What an awful thing to suggest.

Pandasodium · 09/10/2024 09:16

That's good you've reached out to the school, in honesty support varies but really hoping they can advise. Hope you're okay, it's horrendously stressful for you as well as for your child in situations such as this, sounds like you're doing the right thing and hopefully you can find a way forward.

oakleaffy · 09/10/2024 09:19

Notgettingdressed · 09/10/2024 08:57

We have picture cards and we do let him choose but he is clearly one step ahead and knows if he’s dressed he can go out so he’s just ripping off everything to be naked I think so that we don’t them take him out trying to get near him to try and dress him is like trying to dress an angry feral cat covered in oil he seems to have endless energy to fight off being dressed

Show quote history

That sounds so difficult.

You are probably spot on that he associates his 'uniform' with school.

Much as a cat {Your analogy} associates seeing a cat carrier as meaning VET.

Neither are 'verbal' but are very capable of making their feelings about the situation obvious.

Senparentingwoes · 09/10/2024 09:22

Hi OP, no real advice but just wanted to send you a solidarity hug! I had this 2 weeks ago with my ASD dd6. Physically could not get her dressed from her fighting me off. I just keep her off (probably not the best advice) or leave it for a bit and try again and just take her in late. It’s so tough, especially the bigger/stronger they get.

triballeader · 09/10/2024 09:25

I feel for you….my eldest DS was in a special school (ASD+) TBH I got to the point I counted it a win if I got him to wear knickers and a pair of blue wellies. Most days that is exactly how he went to school plus a bag with all his school clothes in. It took months of work from the school, photo cards and making sure all his clothes were very soft, on inside out before he would go wearing clothes from year 2. Heck I used to buy old worn clothes and wash like crazy to ensure he wore something. If he has a Health education plan reach out for help to come up with some strategies that can begin to work for you all. I am sorry but the tactile hyper sensitivity that can come with where someone falls in the spectrum can be a nightmare to slowly solve and come up with resolutions that help. each child with ASD is an individual and may not have the communication skills to let you know what exactly is wrong. It may not be the issue you assume either….my son did not like the school colours and would only wear bright orange.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 09/10/2024 09:27

Notgettingdressed · 09/10/2024 08:51

If he even sees the uniform at weekends he starts screaming. I think it’s just he knows that the uniform means school. I’ve given up and phoned the school to ask them for advice. He seems to want to wear nothing most of the time since starting reception even at weekends and he seems on ‘high alert’ and I feel like he’s thinking ‘no clothes and nobody will take me outside’

It could be that no clothes equals I can stay at home where I feel safe. For my DS it was the clothes and his clothes sensory issues got so much worse just after starting school. I think because school is so hard for him he has less ability to cope with anything else. He lives in undies at home, goes out in back yard just in shirt and undies, wears one specific type of fabric top only, wears one specific type of very oversized undies, one specific type of very oversized shorts, won't even wear jumper or long pants when the temperature is below zero. He missed several weeks of school once again recently while I tried to find something he could tolerate wearing. He's missed friends birthday parties and sport he loves because he cant leave the house because he can't wear clothes. It may well be that your DS has worked out no clothes equals no school, but could also be his sensory stuff has gotten much worse because of school. FWIW we delayed summer born DS starting fyos and it made a real difference for him. The sensory issues where with him being a year older, but otherwise he was doing so much better the second year we tried.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 09/10/2024 09:31

Can he sleep in school clothes?

OnlyOneNotOnWeightLossDrugsInTheVillage · 09/10/2024 09:34

Can he decompress for a few days and start again next week, doing partial days? It must be tough if he's non verbal, poor boy.

Flowers
SatinHeart · 09/10/2024 09:37

My eldest used to scream when he saw his school clothes.
For a long time I dressed DS while he was sat on the toilet playing with his iPad. He got too absorbed in the game to fight me or try to take anything back off. We then progressed to dressing in front of the TV. Now we set a timer and 'race' it.

sashh · 09/10/2024 09:43

I have no experience of this OP but could you ask the school for his 'tray' or wherever he keeps books and pens?

So if he refuses to get dressed you can set out his books so he does school at home?

Maybe a second tray at home?

Whitewolf2 · 09/10/2024 09:43

As pp said I’d reconsider if he’s ready for school this year and defer if you can, did he attend a preschool? How did that go?

heartbroken22 · 09/10/2024 09:44

Make him wear them at night. I've seen a lot of people do this.

Soontobe60 · 09/10/2024 09:52

sashh · 09/10/2024 09:43

I have no experience of this OP but could you ask the school for his 'tray' or wherever he keeps books and pens?

So if he refuses to get dressed you can set out his books so he does school at home?

Maybe a second tray at home?

He’s in reception and non verbal - much of his day will be spent learning through play, not filling in books, hopefully!

CabraCadabra · 09/10/2024 09:54

He needs more support at school. He's clearly struggling and anxious. Do you have an EHCP

ThePure · 09/10/2024 10:00

Whitewolf2 · 09/10/2024 09:43

As pp said I’d reconsider if he’s ready for school this year and defer if you can, did he attend a preschool? How did that go?

It just seems as though he is really letting you know that he hates it and doesn't want to go and it will be very hard to come back from that as he has made a bad association with it that will need to be remade in a positive way.

I would think ideally see if you can defer or otherwise accept he won't be able to go in and don't try to make him for a while until you can get a better plan with the school like a gradual reintroduction/ early or late start/ partial timetable

Does he have an EHCP? Any 1:1 support?

Saz12 · 09/10/2024 10:04

Trying to chase him about will only make the stress levels rise, for both of you. And it wouldn't be useful to physically restrain him all the way to, and in, school.

If school are helpful, can you take a week or more to calmly get used to dressing again? Pants, top... oh look it's bathtime! Then after bath the pants and trousers go on. Would he find it amusing if you or he dressed wrong - eg pants on head, trouser legs as sleeves? Just something to make it a silly game - obviously depends if he'd find it funny or get annoyed that it was "wrong". Would school (and your employer!) be amenable to him going in just for story time, or craft, or PE or whatever he likes to do, then extending the time, for a couple weeks /as long as it takes?

user1492757084 · 09/10/2024 10:05

Take him in whatever he is wearing and dress him calmly once there - before he plays with his favourite activity.

You could also try a reward for having had breakfast and being dressed and locked in the car seat. Is there a tablet/cartoon/book etc. he can look at before you start driving?

Have you tried dressing him when he is asleep in the middle of the night then not making any reference to getting dressed but only concentrating on eating breakfast and choosing his favourite fruit for lunch box?

Fern95 · 09/10/2024 10:08

Is this a mainstream school? If he isn't compulsory school age then I would take him out. It must be frightening not to be able to communicate and be stuck with strangers all day.