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Original poster

Hen do and newborn

31 replies

TwinklyDreamer · 08/10/2024 13:12

Hi all! A family member is getting married next year and I’ve recently found out I’m pregnant (first child). They expect me to come on a weekend hen abroad about 1-2 months after the baby is born. Even in the UK I feel like it’s a lot to ask and if it is in the UK I will be having my partner stay close by so I can feed if needed. I am planning on BF my baby and worried that it’s not enough time to get them used to a bottle. I guess I also don’t know how I will feel in myself

can you give me any advice? Thoughts?

OP posts:
Bigearringsbigsmile · 08/10/2024 13:13

Yes don't go. Your baby may not come on time! You don't know birth will go etc

Lifelover16 · 08/10/2024 13:14

Don’t go.

Pancakeflipper · 08/10/2024 13:15

Don't go. Baby might be late arriving. You don't know how baby and you will be. Last place you want to be is on a hen do abroad with breasts full of milk, bleeding, anxious, when you want yo be bonding with your baby and getting a routine in. Whatsit you have a C section?

Not worth it.

Take them out fir a meal/Spa day when you feel able.

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boulevardofbrokendreamss · 08/10/2024 13:16

Don't go

CointreauVersial · 08/10/2024 13:20

That's likely to be way too early to leave a BF baby. If the hen do was in the UK you could probably go along for a short while, but not a weekend abroad.

Don't be railroaded......say it's very unlikely you'd be able to attend but will confirm after the baby arrives.

BakedBeeeen · 08/10/2024 13:25

Just pull out now. I was able to go on a weekend hen do when my son was about 8 months old, but I had to pump constantly, but I was really uncomfortable. At 1-2 months old somewhere abroad? No chance.

LivelyGoose · 08/10/2024 13:31

I can promise you right now that even if it was possible for you to go on a practical level (it won't be) you absolutely will not want to leave your baby so soon. It's easy to think about now in an abstract way, but it's completely different once they arrive and you'll wonder what the hell you were thinking ever agreeing to go! You also shouldn't be putting any additional pressure on yourself re: feeding at such a pivotal time. Ultimately your baby comes first and a good friend/family member will understand that.

mondaytosunday · 08/10/2024 13:40

Yea just say no. I wouldn't go to a destination hen do even without a baby!

Lala1962 · 08/10/2024 13:41

Don’t go, way too early. My baby is currently 3.5 months and I wouldn’t leave her to go abroad for a weekend. Not only because I’m EBF but also because I simply don’t want to. Anyone should understand that.

Matildahoney · 08/10/2024 13:43

I was in the same situation, but I'd already paid as I didn't know when it was organised, I didn't go. I was ebf but also didn't want to leave DS for 3 nights at 2 months old.

MaryMary6589 · 08/10/2024 14:06

I agree, don't go. I tried to go on a weekend away at 6 months and it was just too hard and I didn't go in the end. And pumping just adds extra stress and it's time and energy used when you could and should be resting.

Don't let anyone bully you, stand your ground and remember that bf is very different to ff in terms of who can help out.

Pinkandbluesocks · 08/10/2024 14:09

If you've only recently found out you're pregnant, you perhaps haven't had the dating scan yet? If so, you could find the due date is later than you currently think. Even just a few days difference, when you add up the possibility of going 12 days over then having a lengthy birth can really cut down on the time between the baby coming and the hen.

Merrow · 08/10/2024 14:13

Don't go, and just say no now.

posterWithaview · 08/10/2024 14:13

You cannot go. I wasn’t even out of pyjamas at that point!

Nosleepforthismum · 08/10/2024 14:42

I bottle fed both of mine and although I could have left them at 2 months old (because actually they are pretty smiley potatoes at that age) I don’t think I’d have wanted to. It’s extremely tiring with a newborn even if they are a “good” baby and I can’t think of anything worse than a hen do abroad just after giving birth. Say no and don’t worry about it.

iateallthechocolat3 · 08/10/2024 14:59

As a new mum who is still breastfeeding, I really don't think you'll want to leave your newborn baby for so long and being that far away from them.

If the hen is a real friend she will completely understand. And although atm you might feel like you don't want to miss out, I really don't think you would enjoy yourself being away from your baby.

Congratulations on your pregnancy x

healthybychristmas · 08/10/2024 15:22

Of course you don't want to go on a hen holiday when the baby is a couple of months old! They shouldn't even think you might want to do it.

GroovyChick87 · 08/10/2024 15:23

No one does this. Crazy to even consider it.

Irishpoppy · 08/10/2024 15:35

Don’t go. Your baby will be tiny and needs you whether you are breastfeeding or not. The bride might be peed off but they’ll understand when their turn comes around.

itsmabeline · 08/10/2024 18:09

Don't go.

You don't knew what will happen in birth and postpartum. You could be attached to baby 24/7 on no sleep, could still be bleeding, could be removing from surgery, anything.

Even if everything goes very smoothly and according to plan that is an intense time where you need to focus on sleep and recovery and your newborn baby.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 08/10/2024 18:12

I wouldn't leave a one to two month old cat to go on a destination hen do, let alone my baby.

Tir3edAndTested · 08/10/2024 18:13

I personally wouldn't do it. But up to you. You're still recovering at that point and baby should be close to mummy if possible

MintTwirl · 08/10/2024 18:16

I wouldn’t go. There is no way of knowing how things might go and tbh even when bottle feeding I wouldn’t have left such a young baby for more than an hour or so.

menopausalmare · 08/10/2024 18:18

Don't go. Arrange a separate get -together once the baby is born.

FetchezLaVache · 08/10/2024 18:21

You will absolutely ruin what should be one of the most magical periods of your life if you have to spend the first weeks of baby's life stressing about expressing enough milk for while you're away, getting baby to take a bottle and feeling eviscerated at the thought of being away from this most wonderful little person for several days!

Just say no now. Family member can expect whatever the hell she wants; she doesn't get to dictate what you do while establishing your new existence with a tiny newborn. If she has a baby herself she should understand; if she doesn't, she should have the emotional intelligence to realise it's not something she can possibly understand.