Is there any point making your child do music instrument lessons?

[Workiskilligme]

I think the answer is no and it's probably sunk costs phallacy. She hates the lessons, doesn't want to learn the instrument, and it's costing a fortune. Is it a no-brainer? Been having lessons for 5 years. Do we stop them or keep pushing?

Why on earth are you making your child do something they hate? Playing a musical instrument is hardly an essential life skill (and I say that as someone who has been involved with music my entire life). Let them drop it - they can pick it up in later life if they want to.

Short answer - no there isn’t any point making her.

But does she play the instrument in any groups? Is there any element of it she does like? Would a change of teacher or instrument be helpful?

But ultimately if she hates it after 5 years then let her stop!

Eh, I didn't HATE it but I hated practicing for a time when I was young. I'm very glad my parents made me stick it out.

No point if she hates lessons but I would have a deeper conversations as to why.
Likes music but doesn't like the instrument - try something different
Likes the instrument but doesn't like the teacher - try someone different
Finds lessons isolating / boring - find a group to play in youth orchestra / brass band / put together a group

No, not if she hates it.

One of my DC didn’t enjoy her lessons so we stopped. It was the wrong instrument and teacher. She took up another and is really enjoying it (and progressing much better)

If they hate it and it's against their will, yes it's pointless.

I make my DC do music because they are really luck to be very able both academically and in sport. For one of them in particular music is the only thing they do that really challenges them, and I think it's good for them to learn how to work at something they don't find easy.

It won't be a popular opinion here but you did ask.

My child hated one to one piano- it was too intense for her at a young age, even with me in the room. We switched to group guitar lessons and she loves them because the pressure is off her and it is more fun.

The piano teacher also was teaching correct methods but didn’t know any new songs that engage young children, whereas the guitar teacher knows all the popular songs which has hooked her.

I would suggest a change of teacher, teaching method or even instrument may be something to discuss with your daughter, if she is musically inclined. If she has no interest at all in music, then I would let her give it up. She may decide to come back to it in a few years.

If they hate it and get nothing out of it, no.

If they make progress, enjoy it, can play in a group, even if they'll never be a pro, then yes.

Our son did piano for a bit didn't hate it and it was good for him to learn to read music but it didn't do that much for him so we stopped when he had other things to prioritise.

My DD did piano for around 6 years. I’m the end, she can play. Same with violin. Enjoyed school orchestra and an ensemble. The great benefit was learning to read music. She took up singing lessons and greatly preferred this over the instruments and did singing and musical theatre. She now still sings in a choir at 30 and does annual musical theatre connected to work. Has to sight read the music for the choir but she enjoys it. So maybe look at something musical where DD joins in with others? My DD did Beginner Strings at 7 so always enjoyed playing with others.

There are other ways of accessing music than one to one lessons and arduous practising.

My two DC play in a silver band. For a small fee each month, they go to a rehearsal each week with other players of a similar standard and learn how to play a brass instrument. It's so much less pressure.

I'm a music teacher in a secondary school. Our most successful musicians are the ones who love it, and enjoy rehearsing with other musicians.

I'm very glad my parents made me stick it out

This is ultimately what every adult says. It's guitar so shouldn't be too much pressure and they play rock and pop songs. I am channelling my inner rock chick through her. I think she likes being able to do it. I'm worried about opening up the conversation again as she will sense weakness!

I am an adult who was made to stick with it and I don't think it was worth it at all. Total waste of time and money

You should not be channeling anything through DD. Can she not play in a group? Or come back to it after a rest?

If you have a kids who liked music for years and then has a short slump, make them stick to it.

If they've hated it for a long time, of course let them stop.

Adults are trying to live through their children. Their regrets shouldn't be imposed on their children. They didn't learn for a reason and they've mostly never tried to rectify not learning as an adult.

DS plays an instrument. It was his choice. He's currently considering whether to take on another. Again his choice. He has to be motivated to do it. If he hasn't the motivation it's pointless.

OPs child has a foundation. They don't want to continue now. But they will continue to have that. They may decide to take it up again in the future on their own terms - the foundation they have means that although it will take effort to get back to the point they currently are, it much easier than starting from scratch. So job done as far as parents are concerned.

Playing an instrument has to ultimately be something you want to do going forward otherwise, it's really just a chore. It serves no purpose other than enjoyment and satisfaction. If you don't have that, it's worse than useless because it becomes wasted time.

How much progress has she made? In my experience of piano, the magic starts to happen at around grade 5 when sight reading gets to a certain level. I have had to nag mine over the years to practise but they never hated it. Now they really enjoy playing and I don't have to nag anymore.

"Adults are trying to live through their children"

Obviously this was a joke. On a serious note, I did wonder if she might struggle academically and this would be a good, creative outlet for her. We know logically that she probably needs to stop, but just wanted some outside opinions.

DD and DS learned an instrument and both played in school and local authority bands/orchestras. DS wanted to give up; we eventually agreed he could stop once he’d completed his next Grade.

He now says he didn’t like going to Band/lessons, but it has given him an appreciation of music and how musical tracks are structured, and he really enjoys listening to many types of music as a result.

It's good to give them the opportunity but if you've been doing it for 5 years and she doesn't enjoy it no point in carrying on.

@Workiskilligme Music is hard! It’s deciphering a code. It uses the brain to decode and then use the brain trll
thr fingers what to do. It is often linked to maths. If I’m honest, those who struggle academically can struggle at music and not really enjoy it.

But music is not the only creative outlet. So many parents are obsessed with the idea of formal instrument learning and grades and classes and seem to think it will catapult their child into the university of their choice and guarantee a stellar career in whatever they choose. If the child is applying to do anything other than music does the university really care that they play an instrument?

If you are keen on her doing something creative and away from pure academics then there are other options - dance, drama, watercolour painting, pottery, knitting, gardening - whatever floats her boat. I think there is huge benefit to kids of having something to do away from school and academic pressure but they have to be fully into enjoying it.

If you are keen on her doing something creative and away from pure academics then there are other options - dance, drama, watercolour painting, pottery, knitting, gardening - whatever floats her boat. I think there is huge benefit to kids of having something to do away from school and academic pressure but they have to be fully into enjoying it.

Thank you for this. I completely agree. She has just signed up for a team sport so will support her with this. She loves it. Plus, it turns out that academically she is doing well!! I will run it past dh who did do his piano grades, but bloody loved it, and ironically hasn't played in the last 15 years!

I was brought up by parents (actually it was my dad who cared about music) who thought every child should learn an instrument and I got the idea that it enriched you in some nebulous way. While I don't regret that it gave me some understanding of music, I have no idea why I stuck with piano lessons for over 11 years. .. A sense I was, kind of, doing the right thing. In the later years I never ever practised between lessons - my parents didn't seem to notice. I also found my last piano teacher creepy and weird - I felt she sat too close to me.

I rarely play as an adult and don't have any aptitude - my DH has more but rarely plays either.

I used to have a mile walk to my piano teacher's house and used that to smoke cigarettes. My parents definitely wouldn't have approved of that!

I have a good track record of sticking at things I don't necessarily want to though.😂

No. I HATED it. Did violin and piano and had no interested in either. I would like to learn guitar as an adult because it interests me it haven't got around to it yet. I can't even remember how to read sheet music now.