Is there any point making your child do music instrument lessons?

[Workiskilligme]

I think the answer is no and it's probably sunk costs phallacy. She hates the lessons, doesn't want to learn the instrument, and it's costing a fortune. Is it a no-brainer? Been having lessons for 5 years. Do we stop them or keep pushing?

That's bollocks.

It's something a lot of people think though @boulevardofbrokendreamss . That playing an instrument to a high level is a marker of intelligence in general. And people who are not musical, or who just don't have any interest in music, are somehow lacking.

In the real world though, nobody really cares about instrument learning. I know one of my friends plays the piano as she sometimes plays at church/school events, the others I don't have a clue.

It’s not lacking! They just might be better at something else! Have you ever wondered where the saying “music and maths” came from? I’ve rarely seen a dc who struggles to read or do maths be a great musician who can read music. Most struggle with MFLs too and drop them. Talents lie in different areas and that’s ok. Might be great at sport!

Mine all did music for a few years, with varying degrees of progress. They can all now read music, though, which is a useful skill. And they have an appreciation that sometimes you need to work at something and practise to get better. I'd say five years was enough to teach them that, though, and could be a springboard for them to try something else later in life.

Rather depends on the circs imho.
dd plays the flute and is on a music scholarship at school. She wants to go to music college and possibly the Royal Corp of Army music as a career. She has to do music gcse and probably will do music A level. She doesn't really want to carry on with piano lessons but everyone involved in her musical education including myself have said she needs to get up to at least grade 5/6 as skills on the keyboard is so critical to understanding music theory and also if you want a career in teaching you need to be able to accompany. So she has to do it, it's pretty non negotiable for her career goals.

if however this was just a child that didn't want to play the violin and has no musical aspirations give it up. Dd started learning the viola as well but we gave that up after a year as she clearly had no real interest in it.

its not bollocks. So many studies have linked music and maths ability now that it is pretty much accepted.

There's absolutely no point in making a child do something they hate.

However, I would recommend an instrument where they can be part of a group, an orchestra or band for example, as that is much more fun. I am very biased as music is a huge focus in my life, so I would recommend you trying something to encourage more enjoyment - but if it doesn't happen, there's no point forcing it. We're all different!

DH teaches guitar. He is always saying how difficult it is when he is trying to teach someone who doesn't enjoy it, won't practice and would rather be anywhere else, but they keep having lessons because their parents make them do it.

How old is your dd?

Crikey, it's guitar and you have to force it? In my experience, guitar was the thing they played absentmindedly when they were meant to be practising the piano or revising for maths, or ferociously when there was strong emotion involved.

I'd kind of forgotten it was a thing to practise in itself.

Music is vocational. You lost me at "make". The parents of one of my brother´s best friends did this. In his case it was the violin. They "made" him go to the Conservatory in our town and in the end he would pretend he went and come to our house and play computer games with my brother. Just let the kid chose something he/she likes.

Piano is very isolating.
My DD plays clarinet and sax. She has been in several orchestras over the years and for an introverted child it has been a marvellous experience way to gain a social life.
Something worth considering?
She has just joined the university orchestra.

You´d have to force me. My dad had a guitar, he could actually play. It gathered dust for years after he died and I ended up donating it to someone. You´re either musical or you´re not.

I agree. I enjoyed learning an instrument as a child and played in orchestras etc but this when music lessons were heavily subsidised by the local authority and so all my friends played different instruments too.

My dd tried guitar lessons and hated them and my son has shown no interest. But he might! I learned guitar in my late 30s by following YouTube lessons. I know kids who are currently teaching themselves bass. There are loads of paths into music and you're never too old.

Likewise, there are lots of creative things to do and you don't have to do things 'properly'. My dd teaches herself all sorts of amazing crafts by watching videos.

MMM I didn´t know that. I could never play a tune by ear, and was bored out of my tiny mind with maths. I am really good at languages though.
In the end if you judge a fish by how they climb a tree, you´ll come to the conclusion that the fish is stupid.

I disagree. Reading and understanding musical notation is a difficult skill to master
and a certain level of academic ability is required to master it.

You don’t need to read music to be a good musician - depends what your musical interests are.

Reading music is no harder than reading anything else.

Does she play in a band? Guitar (unless it is classical guitar) basically makes no sense unless you are playing in a band or accompanying a singer (possibly yourself). IME the joy of music comes from playing with other people. If all you do is solo practice and lessons you end up wondering what on earth is the point.

You don't need to be able to read standard notation to learn the guitar (unless you want to play classical pieces). Melodies are usually written out in tablature which is generally easier to read than standard notation, and accompaniments are written as chord symbols. The idea of using notation for guitar is a bit of a 19th century hack to try and make the instrument 'respectable'.

And if anyone says that tablature is cheating, just point out that all those beautiful baroque lute pieces were written in tab, not in this new-fangled notation rubbish :)

Would you make her keep doing anything else she didn’t like? Why this, when it’s inordinately expensive? Yes, it’s good for her brain etc but, I don’t know, cycling is good for her body and also exceptionally useful as she can use it as a mode of transport when she’s older. If you’re going to make her do something why not that?

I absolutely loved playing an instrument. It wasn’t something my parents even considered getting me into but I was offered free lessons at school and I loved it from beginning. I loved lessons, I loved practising and I loved playing in ensembles and I continued to love these things all through childhood and into adulthood and haven’t stopped now. I would far rather be playing my instrument than doing just about anything else. Find whatever it is that she feels like this about. That would seem a far better use of your money and taxi-services.

I understand your logic here and that you want to encourage work ethic - very able children do sometimes struggle to develop the ability to strive - but as a musician, I really wouldn't make music the battleground for this. I think it runs the risk of making them hate music, which would rob them of a source of great joy and comfort in later life.

I wouldn't push it if they actually hate it. My DDs go through phases and sometimes don't practice enough for my liking (I hate nagging them to practice and often wonder why I pay for lessons), but it depends if they like the pieces or are practicing for a performance or grading which then motivates them more.

I have often said they can give it up anytime they want but they never want to give up and enjoy their lessons. We have had one bad teacher but DD still persevered.

I have stopped pushing them to do grades as well and sometimes they just learn pieces they enjoy rather than pieces on the grade syllabus (usually from musicals. But recently DD has decided she's going to do her grade 5 after a couple of years of just playing her fun pieces and that has motivated her. Her teacher is great and always finds pieces at the right level to challenge her and that she enjoys.

I do think it is an excellent skill to have and love hearing them play. I can't guarantee they will always play and don't think either of them will make a career out of it, but I think it has been worth it anyway.

I'd stop the lessons for now but keep the guitar hanging round - she might go back to it of her own volition. I was made to piano lessons and grades, which I hated, but if I'd just been left to play for the joy of it, I think I would have stuck with it. My DH is a virtuoso guitarist and has never had a lesson in his life. He started at 16 and is completely self-taught, and he's genuinely one of the best guitarists I've ever heard.

I dont see any point in making any child or adult do something they dont want to do.

Absolutely not, all you're teaching her is a life long hatred of music!

No don't make her. Why add to have to do in her life?

Music can light up the mathematical processing part of the brain.

However, so can puzzles, climbing, etc. won't isn't music is the only thing to help maths ability.

My children prefer murder mystery puzzles and climbing.