Bridesmaid etiquette?!

[Kelrick]

Hello! I recently asked one of my best friends to be my bridesmaid, we’ve known each other for 20 years! We have discussed all things wedding and how to involve me three kids etc, it’s all feeling very special!!

She has now said she’s been asked to be a bridesmaid for a girl she used to hate and now they are ‘acquaintance's’ as this girl drinks in the pub my best friend works in, I kind of laughed when she told me until she said she was serious and actually considering it🙈

This girl wants her wedding around the same time as me and I feel like she should be saying no😬 in my head I’m thinking does she just say yes to anyone that asks her to be a bridesmaid? Is my bridal party going to be compromised because her head will be half with me now and half with her? Is there not some sort of bridesmaid etiquette that you jsut don’t say yes to being one while you are already one?!

@PaperLampshade nearly choked on my coffee at Exactly. OP, are you confusing ‘being a bridesmaid’ with ‘being the global CEO of Toyota’?

Dd is being a bridesmaid for her future sis in law. Thank goodness there's none of this madness going on and everyone is a grown up! Weddings and the lead up should be fun, ideally relaxed fun.

The only reason I've ever heard someone say no to being a bridesmaid is if it' snot practical because they can't attend the wedding or something.

I agree with a PP - when did being a bridesmaid start to involve also being a wedding planner? Hen party, maybe some wedding shopping as a fun day out, on the day presence with a particular remit to run interference on dodgy relatives overly emotional mothers. Holder of lipstick and helper for toilet breaks if the dress requires significant effort to remove/get out of the way. That's it. That's the duty.

@Kelrick like others have said there is nothing wrong with a person being in multiple bridal parties in the same year. There may be logistical complications considerations but other than that it’s none of your business.

However I do understand why you are feeling hurt by this. You have asked your life long bestie to be a part of your day and you want to enjoy special moments with her as part of that process. Her accepting a bridesmaid role for someone else at the same time probably makes it feel less special to you. She’ll be doing everything twice so therefore won’t be as excited as if it was just for you. I also suspect there is an underlying level of jealousy, you don’t think she’s that close with this other bride and yet they will be sharing in the same experiences you won’t be part of which is making you feel put out. That’s not an unreasonable response but it’s your issue, not your friends.

Goodness me. Weddings do bring out the worst in people.

Unless the wedding is on the same day I don't see the issue? Your wedding is at the centre of your universe but not everyone else's.

You're essentially dictating who she can be friends with or you doubt her capabilities to be able to multi task.

Are you feeling competitive for her affectionate or comparing the weddings maybe? I think you need to step back and have a think.

You can be a Bridesmaid for as many people as you want, you don't get to dictate that.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 your friend is a person in her own right and was not simply born you run around you in the lead up to, and on, your big day. She isn't staff, she's supporting you as a friend to celebrate your special occasion. She can do what she wants and if she wants to support another friend then that's up to her. I hope you relax the rules a bit and enjoy planning your wedding.

You win the internet! This thread should just be closed now cause no one will be able to say anything better.

Oh and where do I send my dry cleaning bill I laughed so hard I split my coffee all down me 🤣

Wind your neck in, OP. You're not marrying her.

Around the same time - YABU, Same day - YANBU.

Being a bridesmaid doesn't mean she owes you all her time. It basically a hen do, some wedding prep and the wedding. It doesn't take up that much time.
I know several people who were bridesmaid for several different people over the same year, some planning their own weddings at the same time. (we had a 2 year period of alot of weddings). All it required was making sure hen dos were the same weekends etc but no one was annoyed to arrange around each other

Wow what a weird take!

🍿🍿🍿

This is comical that you clearly think everyone in your bridal parties lives are gonna come to a stand still because you’re getting married! Yes your bridesmaids will be happy for you and as long as the attend the certain events that are wedding related then that is really all you can ask of them. Your maid of honour will probably have a slightly bigger role but even so it’s your wedding and it’s important to you not to everyone else they will carry on with all there own lives just as they did before, Christ when I think of my bridesmaids some had multiple children two had jobs that involved tons of travel and one was even heavily pregnant by the time of my wedding if they could all handle these things I’m sure your friend can handle being a bloody bridesmaid for two weddings 😂😂

🤣🤣

That bridesmaid should run now, she has no idea what's instore for her, yikes! 😧

This really is quite silly OP. She's still excited about your wedding I'm sure but really nobody is going to be as invested in it as you and that's ok. I'd advise chilling out massively about the whole thing

You’re an adult with 3 children. What sort of ridiculous extravaganza of a do that you think you’ll need or are entitled to any of your friend’s head?

I doubt you’ll be back but I hope you’re reading the replies and cringing at yourself.

😂I was bridesmaid for three weddings within 3 months. At no point did anyone suggest I could only be bridesmaid at their weddings only, it just so happened three people I'm very close to go married at the same time.
Mind you all three only asked for minimal input for hens and to turn up on the day :). Don't be a bridezilla :)

If your actual wedding days or the bridal parties are going to clash then I can understand your concern.

However to be worried that "her head" won't fully be focused on your bridal party is a bit bonkers.

Your wedding day and bridal party are exciting and all consuming for you, as it should be. But everyone else won't have their heads filled with it all the time.

You have asked her to be your bridesmaid. Last time I was a bridesmaid my duties included going to pick out my frock, getting my own shoes sorted, a few chats about the wedding, going out for a local hen night and showing up on the day.

Why can't she do that for 2 weddings around the same time?

If you have unreasonable much higher expectations of onerous duties for her you better lay out a list for her now so she is aware and can decline the "privilege" sooner rather than later!

Are you entirely unable to manage more than one commitment at a time OP? That’s a pretty big issue for you if so, but it’s rare that anyone else is unable to juggle two things going on at once.

When I was younger I was a bridesmaid 3 times in the space of 6 weeks, get over yourself 😂

Posted on the 3rd and OP hasn’t been back. I’m guessing the unanimous ‘you are being ridiculous’ may be something to do with that ……

😂😂😂

Surely this isn't real? 😀

She can't be someone elses bridesmaid because she's yours? Come on!

No, being a bridesmaid doesn't have an implied exclusivity clause.

What exactly are you expecting from a bridesmaid? It sounds as though you are expecting your wedding will be her sole focus in life. It's not a job role. The chances are, she'll come on the hen do, wear the dress you buy, and turn up in the morning to get ready. That's usually all that's expected of a bridesmaid- if they are very kind, they might help with decor and invites.