Help me endure…

[Endurance12]

PIL, with middle aged SIL sitting in the back of the car on a rare outing from home, are on the way for a visit.

No interest in GC. An awful lot of opinions though, including from SIL (despite no time around kids).

We can’t visit them as SIL doesn’t like any disturbance (e.g. normal visit, tea and we would bring some food to cut the hassle for them) at PIL‘s house.

Please share your strategies to stay sane tonight as the criticism and ‚helpful comments‘ flow. Husband will pretend this is all normal and fine. I think he is embarrassed, but don’t need him on the defensive to add to the sh*t show.

Setting some boundaries would be good, but I don’t want to upset the situation which is currently minimal physical visits.

sorry, OP, but you need to get yourself and your DC away from him and his family.

What inappropriate things does SIL say? tell him that SS will be involved if it happens again (so make sure you are visibly and demonstrably doing everything you can to keep your DC away from her)

You said you're ill - is this a chronic thing or is it just at the moment?

I'm so sorry, these people are absolutely horrible, and sound quite crazy.

Your husband is threathening that he will seek 50/50 custody, but would he really, or is it just to keep you - would he take on the heavy lifting of parenting? Would his parents actually help, sounds like they wouldn't.

Can you tell your husband that you are seriously considering leaving him because of his lack of sylupport, and try to get him into mediation, as a third party may be able to get through to him about the inappropriateness of his mother and sister.

@Brefugee chronic, or would have been off a few years ago.

SIL will witness him being aggressive/abusive then try to tell DC it was me not DH. I am really careful to keep a lid on things around DC.

Just a complete nightmare to be stuck in this situation.

OP seriously, these men often threaten all kinds of retaliation if you suggest divorce. They usually don't follow through.

Get advice from Women's Aid.

Bloody hell. Have been reading this thread and just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. When it all calms down and you have space, please think what is best for you and dc in the long term. I understand you're concerned about your dc having to be around them more and your dh sounds like a vindictive knob (the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree by the sounds of things). I wish you well, and I hope you know deep down that you are NOT the problem, your ILs are batshit and clearly out of order.

Fucking hell, @Endurance12 I'm so sorry you're hitched to these people.

Please speak to Woman's Aid to as least find out your options. You'd be well shot of the lot of them. Binning perfectly good food is nuts!

I'll echo what pp said: you need to be in touch with women's aid.
Try to document as much as you can in the meantime.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Bloody hell!! When do they leave?!

Yes, speak to WA

also read WHY DOES HE DO THAT by Lundy Bancroft. Free pdf online.

then gather all your financial documentation and see a family solicitor with experience in divorce cases involving domestic abuse.

because this is what it is. You are being abused.

Thank you everyone.

@FloofPaws Still a few days of this.