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Original poster

Help me endure…

60 replies

Endurance12 · 30/09/2024 09:09

PIL, with middle aged SIL sitting in the back of the car on a rare outing from home, are on the way for a visit.

No interest in GC. An awful lot of opinions though, including from SIL (despite no time around kids).

We can’t visit them as SIL doesn’t like any disturbance (e.g. normal visit, tea and we would bring some food to cut the hassle for them) at PIL‘s house.

Please share your strategies to stay sane tonight as the criticism and ‚helpful comments‘ flow. Husband will pretend this is all normal and fine. I think he is embarrassed, but don’t need him on the defensive to add to the sh*t show.

Setting some boundaries would be good, but I don’t want to upset the situation which is currently minimal physical visits.

OP posts:
PaminaMozart · 01/10/2024 14:29

😎
For a moment I feared you might lose your rag... 😆

Original poster
Endurance12 · 04/10/2024 09:05

Give me strength! I have escaped to read through this rather than explode.

They have been through the fridge and cupboards. Most of the ‚yucky foreign‘ food I eat and spice mixes I cook with are in the bin.

OP posts:
PaminaMozart · 04/10/2024 10:50

What the actual F U C K !!!!

They have crossed a line.

Where is your husband in all this???

Olika · 04/10/2024 11:02

Why is your husband allowing this? Why are you allowing them throwing away your stuff?

Original poster
Endurance12 · 04/10/2024 11:11

help. I rescued sealed packets from the bin, washed, soaped and dried them. They were drying on some paper. They were put back in the bin covered and covered in wet stuff. I said please ask before binning my stuff. Husband accused me of losing it and MIL has started shouting. Why can’t they just F OFF. Husband is useless/abusive.

OP posts:
Original poster
Endurance12 · 04/10/2024 11:15

I can’t ffing win. I should have said nothing and just endured it. They want a reaction, I realize that now.

But why should they come into my perfectly fine house, which was really clean in anticipation of their arrival, and just bin my stuff.

OP posts:
Original poster
Endurance12 · 04/10/2024 11:22

I can’t run away as I don’t want them around DC alone. We have a cat (clean, litter tray scooped twice a day in a ventilated room - should be inoffensive). SIL does not like it and brings lillies (super poisonous to cats) to the house. Not only do I not like them but I really do not trust them.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 04/10/2024 11:29

Jesus, OP - you shouldn't have allowed this visit in the first place.
They all sound horrible.
And dangerous towards your poor cat.

cunningartificer · 04/10/2024 11:31

Wow that's a league beyond what I expected! Sorry to be a cliche but you have a husband problem with then going through your stuff like that and him not defending.

Brefugee · 04/10/2024 11:34

Endurance12 · 04/10/2024 09:05

Give me strength! I have escaped to read through this rather than explode.

They have been through the fridge and cupboards. Most of the ‚yucky foreign‘ food I eat and spice mixes I cook with are in the bin.

No. This is where you get them together, with your DH and tell them they are going home now and you don't care how it happens but you will not lift a finger aside of throwing their things into the street in 2 hours time if they are not gone.

And you make it clear to your DH that if he is going to allow this kind of thing, you are leaving on a nice holiday whenever they come, or that you are leaving for good and they can come as often as he likes.

And they replace everything. Like for like.

Brefugee · 04/10/2024 11:35

Endurance12 · 04/10/2024 11:22

I can’t run away as I don’t want them around DC alone. We have a cat (clean, litter tray scooped twice a day in a ventilated room - should be inoffensive). SIL does not like it and brings lillies (super poisonous to cats) to the house. Not only do I not like them but I really do not trust them.

Edited

take the lillies and put them right in the bin. Every time.

Original poster
Endurance12 · 04/10/2024 11:38

Thank you. The only thing stopping me is the thought of shared custody and DC having to be around these horrific and dangerous people without me.

F F F I wish I hadn’t let them get to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Endurance12 · 04/10/2024 11:40

I know I have a husband problem. I see where he got it from at least.

OP posts:
Brefugee · 04/10/2024 11:42

What would it look like, realistically, if you left? Would he push for 50/50? would he have these people to stay when he has the DCs without you there to act as a buffer?

You are not sending a good message to your DCs, tbh, about how people treat you and it can't carry on.

(but deffo bin the lillies, take them out of her hand as soon as she turns up with them and demonstratively put them in the outside bin - making sure to scrunch them up so they're unsalvagable)

Original poster
Endurance12 · 04/10/2024 11:54

He would push for 50:50 and has said he would make it as unpleasant as possible. I am ill and cannot face this. He probably would have them to stay more often. They are absolutely awful and the stirring from mentally ill SIL has included speaking very inappropriately to DC.

I know it is a rubbish situation and terrible for DC.

OP posts:
Original poster
Endurance12 · 04/10/2024 11:55

The lillies are openly given to an elderly neighbor without cats.

OP posts:
wildfellhall · 04/10/2024 11:57

Good luck!

My SIL drives me mad but she is redeemed by the fact that she really lives my kids. And even though she is super insensitive and is terrible when drinking. She would be there in a moment if I needed her.

She drinks a lot when she drinks but doesn't drink in between!

Blusterydaytodaypoohbear · 04/10/2024 11:58

In full view of The Cunts bin the flowers now...

heldinadream · 04/10/2024 12:01

Remove all the food from the bin again.
Serve it to them for lunch. All of it. How very fucking dare they!

LatteLady · 04/10/2024 12:05

If they want a reaction, then give it to them, go full on Mary Poppins, with, "That is quite enough of that, you are currently guests in my house, how long that continues is up to you. I will not put up with your attitude and disrespect in my home. You have five minutes to decide if you stay or go, while I make a pot of tea, if you decide to leave, you can see yourselves out. Have I made myself clear and this is not up for discussion?"

If you cannot manage this, DM me the address and I will come and deliver it, I am in that mood, today!

Original poster
Endurance12 · 04/10/2024 12:11

DH is raging at me. They took DC out without asking. I am just devastated. I thought I could go full grey rock and get through this.

OP posts:
WildWildWestCoast · 04/10/2024 12:14

Why the fuck is he raging at you? You're not the one that's fucking around throwing out someone else's belongings. It appears that he is an even bigger problem than the ILs.

Original poster
Endurance12 · 04/10/2024 12:35

He is a bigger problem. The ILs validate or even encourage the worst of his behavior. It is a desperate and ugly situation. SIL does not have much going on and enjoys stirring. Extremely maliciously.

OP posts:
Rainbowshine · 04/10/2024 12:41

My suggestion is any further times are at a venue like a hotel/restaurant. That way your home is not subject to criticism or having your property thrown away/damaged and there’s a natural limit to how long you can stay. You could say that your house is obviously not a good place for SIL and that you’re doing it in her interest! I’m sorry your husband is part of the problem, I am not sure how to advise you about that but look after yourself.

Motnight · 04/10/2024 12:43

Op it all sounds horrendous. I do understand some of what you are going through. All I will say is that my DH was emeshed in FOG for a long time regarding his awful toxic family. He literally couldn't see their awful behaviour. I don't know if that is the case with your husband.

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