Please cheer me up….desperate!!

[Bobbieiris]

Hi guys, going through an incredibly tough time. Had my two beautiful identical twin girls almost 8 weeks ago , they were 10 weeks premature . Thankfully they are both thriving and should be discharged home next week. But I am in intense pain. Doctors have said I overdid it caring for the girls on neonatals, also walking too much (I had been told to walk 20 minutes a day to heal from C section) and I also strained a muscle in my groin when a nurse suddenly pulled my chair into recline without warning me first. It’s awful pelvic pain. I’ve been told it will heal but with time.I also had one twin via vaginal delivery and one via emergency c section. I’m on strong pain meds and when the girls are home I’m setting myself up in the bedroom so I don’t need to move much and my partners mum is coming to stay. I don’t have family or many friends locally. My mum has Covid at the moment so can’t stay.one of my girls is also going home on oxygen which is daunting. I can see many long weeks of being in the bedroom and isolated. Girls are adorable and I love them but it’s incredibly hard and scary. Doctor has said to go back to GP for further investigations if pain doesn’t heal. Please help me cheer up a little…or general chit chat to get my mind off things

i presume… no partner?

Hi I'm so sorry your going through this!! Reading your post you've been through so much! Especially having a VBAC AND a c-section! You sound so strong for everything you've done and your girls sound just as strong as their muma!! What did you name your babies? Do you have a date that they will be coming home?! Xxx

Congratulations! I’m sorry you’re in so much pain.
Would you feel comfortable sharing names?

If not, keeping it light! What’s for tea? Is it raining where you are?
I’m going to the chippy. Maybe.

Oh man!! Have you been in touch with your local twins club, there will loads of people there who have been through the same, it is so rough.

Our twins came home after six days in hospital (all of us lol) nearly six years ago and it is the most intense thing I've ever done. A very wise old twin mum told me, before I had them, "the loves comes later" and it DOES!!! At first I just cried every morning and thought "I can't do this" but it turns I could, you'll be able to, as well.

Having twins is amazing and the most incredible blessing, they are so SO much fun once they get going 😉

Also is there a shop in the hospital, treat yourself to a chocolate bar. Also wtf was that nurse thinking, sounds horrendous, sending hugs

Congratulations!! If you can rest and heal now and let the nurses care for the girls so you are at your best next week that would be ideal. Easier said than done I know. You have 2 deliveries to recover from so snooze as much as you can.

Get a TV set up on the room and organise a list of favourites so you can just click something on. Gossip girl got me through the first few weeks with my premature twins! Babies need a lot less than what people tell you, so for now just organise the very basic stuff for the first weeks. Get Dh to buy lots of frozen meals and stock up.

Having twins was hard, at times felt too much and I admit I struggled a lot. But I can honestly say i now believe it was the greatest gift any human can be given. They are so close, and so fun and dramatically different. I've grown so much as a person always having to see things from two often opposite perspectives. When I was at wits end in the early days I would go to my local shopping centre and watch how everyone (especially women over 50) would just smile and congratulate me. It gave me great comfort. When they became alert they were so funny looking at each other and laughing all the time, you have all that to look forward to. The toddler years were difficult but hilarious too watching them interact all the time. Also they take such comfort from each other, mine were happier shoved beside each other in a single buggy at the start or top to tail. They are often calmer babies as a result, hopefully that will be the case for you.

Wishing you the best of luck xx

@chestnutroast sorry yes I do have a partner…he is going back to work tomorrow after two weeks off. Unfortunately he can’t get more time off and his work are really unsupportive. He has been amazing throughout though and we are currently staying in a parents room at the neonatals unit due to my pain; but there is still lots of trecking about and it’s a big unit and everything far away…so I have to walk far to sterilise the girls bottles, get to the kitchen etc. my partner unfortunately works long hours as a delivery driver and gets home late most evenings.

@slothbat thank you ❤️ the girls are called Ava and Sophie and we are hoping to get them home on Thursday

@RickyGervaislovesdogs thank you ❤️ tea is whatever frozen meal I can find in the neonatal ward fridge…all parents can help themselves but they are not the most appetising 😂 I love a chippy for tea and might have to get my parter to pop out for one when we are all home!

@Newusernameforthiss thank you that’s a good idea, I will also contact twins trust and can’t believe I didn’t think of that before!! I definitely need some chocolate! I know, I can’t believe she did that!

@Dontlletmedownbruce thank you ❤️ I love my Twinnies but it’s so so hard with the pain, I am on crutches and can hardly walk! And one seems to wake up and want a feed as soon Ias I start feeding the other! I tried breast feeding but couldn’t cope with the pain so formula it is! Good idea about the tv!!

Lovely names for your twin girls! We did have chippy tea, was lovely. I always wanted twins, just have 1 DD (makes the mess of two possibly 😆). Plus DDog bless him.

When you get home, if trapped upstairs you may find one of those ‘grabber’ type things useful for when you drop things, maybe a mini fridge and teas made. I’m moving like an old lady at the moment as have a touch of sciatica, so planning to loan some of DM’s goodies!

Have you already planned /decorated a nursery /bedroom for the girls? I waited awhile and DD slept with us. Probably not going in to her own room for a good few months.

@RickyGervaislovesdogs im glad you enjoyed your chippy tea ☺️ my partner bought chocolate back from the shops. I’m going g to get out my nightie (finally!) and he’s going to take me to see the girls in wheelchair so I don’t need to walk…those long hospital corridors aren’t helping!

on dear, sorry to hear about the sciatica, I hope you feel better soon! Those are really good suggestions, thank you!

we haven’t done up the girls bedroom as they are sleeping in a cot next to our bed. Lucky thing really as partners mum will now be sleeping in what will be the girls bedroom, and I can imagine I will be needing her help for a while! We are so lucky to have her

Thank you @Bobbieiris hope you’ll feel better soon too. The only thing that helps is squatting down (like I’m having a picnic wee, which I had to do in the chippy, to give you a visual 😆. Luckily I know the owner well so we had a little chat whilst I was bent over in agony!

Chocolate! Well he’s a keeper!

Glad you have a chair, it’s surprising how all the little movements add up and a C sec is brutal- all the layers they cut through- if it were men going through it I think there would be a lot more in place to help them -they wouldn’t last five mins lol Try to take it easy, rest as much as you can.

Bet your mum’s partner is thrilled to be part of it all, you’ll have plenty of time to plan the girls room layout and hopefully rest at home whilst you get well looked after. You’ll all treasure that time.

I stayed with DM when I had DD, (so did DH) it was bliss!

Hope you’re toasty in your nightie and enjoying time with your beautiful babies!

Nothing useful to add but wishing you all the best and congrats on your wee girls!

@RickyGervaislovesdogs thank you! Haha, that made me laugh….thank you!
he is definitely a keeper, he has had a lot of patience the lay few weeks!
recovering from the C section was brutal but this pelvic and groin pain is awful! The lost pain I’ve ever had! I had a little pelvic soreness in pregnancy but nothing like this. I can’t believe it’s been 8 weeks, I have a friend who is a physio and she told me that it can take up to a year and a half for some women to recover from birth!
I can’t wait to have the girls with me all the time and I’m so grateful to have the help. I was meant to have the girls in the hospital room with me but there’s no way I could manage walking around the ward to sterilise bottles etc on my own.
I had some cuddled but sitting in the wheelchair was painful…can only tolerate lying on my side or sitting in bed with knees right up at the moment. But I had some cuddles and kisses which was lovely.
thank you so so much for talking to me, it really does mean a lot, especially as my partner has had to go home to be ready for work tomorrow and I’m alone in a hospital room. Luckily I have my laptop so been watching series on there and resting.

@BlueEyedLeucy thank you so much, I really appreciate your kind words ❤️

Any friend, relative or neighbour that can give a hand at all however small? I was in hospital last week as messed my back up but have managed to walk round the block without my stick today, pain is so tiring. A Mother’s help would be ideal for you but they would cost but just a couple of hours in the week for a month.

@ViciousCurrentBun i have some brilliant work colleagues who have been helping with meals and shopping, and even friends of friends who I’ve never met have offered to help…people have been so kind. I didn’t know mothers helps were still a thing?! How do I find one? I know my parents would help with the cost of one or a cleaner, I’ll talk it over with partners mum to see what she thinks as it will be a lot for her to help with the babies, clean and do the cooking. Im sorry to hear about your back and hope you feel better soon x

Ah you’re welcome. Took two of the super duper pain killers the doc gave me 🤢just made feel a bit sickly and knocked me out- so I won’t be taking those again! Had a feeling they would, don’t seem to be able to tolerate pain meds. Had oramorph after my c sec- never again!

A year and a half!!!! faints I thought a few weeks was bad enough. Oh bless you, gosh that does sound very uncomfortable and frustrating try not to do too much as it’ll set you back.
You can get those little like what are they called- next to me cribs? that attach to the bed (so you could lie on your side and the babies go in there, I know they’re very small and your in hospital at the mo but you could have some cuddles maybe even if they don’t stay in there all the time). Hopefully you’ll be a little more mobile by the time you go home. Speaking of which have they give you any indication as to when you can all go home?

Could you have your own steriliser in the room / have the little bottles of pre-made formula? I suppose you can’t change nappies etc at the moment though. It’s probably better you just rest up actually! Ignore me lol

What’s for brekkie?! and how are you feeling today?

@RickyGervaislovesdogs im taking co codamol but oramorph makes me really sick and dizzy!
if is so frustrating! I’ve had it for weeks. Settles at home then comes back when I’ve been in hospital with the girls. There’s so much standing and walking around and some of the nursing staff can be very pushy. I tell them I am in pain and can’t do anything and they are a bit funny about helping me. Some have been fantastic though. It’s been a really hard experience. I’ve felt so guilty about not being a good mum to the girls so have probably done more than I should have done and it doesn’t hurt until a day or so after I have over done it so on a good day it’s very hard to pace myself. A bit like when you exercise and don’t feel really sore until the next day, if that makes sense?
my friend mentioned a next to me crib but as I’m formula feeding I will have to get up to get bottles so I think I’ll be ok with cot right next to me. So I won’t have to move too much. And I thought I could change nappies on the bed maybe. Pre made formula would be good actually!
i’ve slept all morning as couldn’t get to sleep until 4. Would probably still be sleeping but my friend is popping round soon and staff nurse just called me to see how I’m doing.
breakfast is cereal bars and fruits so I don’t have to hobble to the unit kitchen as my partner is back at work today

I wonder if there's a volunteer in the hospital who could help you get about? Maybe contact PALS and see if they can point you in the right direction. I know it's easy to say but getting well must be your first objective. Don't be afraid to ask for help, most people will be only too pleased but don't know what to do. Congratulations on the birth of your babies.

@Tel12 that’s a good idea, thank you x

You have my every sympathy, must be so frustrating too. You’ll get there, don’t worry.

The pre-made formula is handy through the night or just if you’ve had a bad night and need a rest or have appointments.
A little word of warning with changing on the bed, sometimes you’re changing due to number two and they’ll do a number one whilst in the process of changing! 🙈 Can get messy. Changing table might be handy.

Hope you had a lovely afternoon with your friend and lots of cuddles with your babies! and something nicer for dinner than cereal bars!

It’s very wet here and the temperature has plunged! So I hope you’re keeping warm where you are.

My DH has worked his little socks of today, washing, ironing, vacuuming and roast dinner. DD and I are settling down to watch a film, once I tear her iPad from her sweaty little mitts. I’m just watching a bit of David Attenborough whilst I give her the ten minute warning. I’d be pouring a glass of red now, if not still feeling groggy from those painkillers. It’s been a very lazy Sunday for me.

Hope you get a much better nights sleep tonight.

Congratulations on becoming a twin Mummy. It sounds like you have had a tough time and I am sorry to hear that you are still in pain .
First of all - concentrate on pain management . You will continue to be tired & exhausted so it is important that you manage the pain . When you are getting discharged make sure that you have some extra meds and get a GPs appointment booked / check if you are able to order the meds online .

You have to focus on making life as easy as you can for you & the babies . That's great you are getting some help from your Partner's Mum . Have a chat with her about what would help you the most - is it doing housework / cooking . You will all have to accept that your standards will have to be lower over the coming weeks .

I would also try to restrict any visitors for a bit . You have to focus on getting through the day and it will get easier as you go .

Have everything set up in different rooms - nappies , wipes , spare changing mat . Make sure everything is put back in the same space - so you aren't scrabbling about looking for the wipes .

As your partner is a driver his sleep will be important to him as well - but he should be able to help with night feeds on his non working days . Even if he is able to stay up for a few hours whilst you get a few hours Kip .Is his Mum going to be able to help with any of the night feeds ?

Remember you are the one who knows your babies best and no baby is the same . Unfortunately they don't read sleeping manuals etc and you have to go with the flow until you get into a bit more of a routine . Do what works best for you and your family not what you think you should be doing .

Make life as easy for you as you can , find some good series to watch on tv / netflix etc .

Get some of the ready made bottles at hand . Have lots of muslins & sleep suits rather than putting the babies in proper clothes . Again do what is best for you - whether that is going out to get fresh air or cuddling with your babies .

@RickyGervaislovesdogs thank you! I never even knew about pelvic pain before getting pregnant, it’s awful!
the nurse today said the girls will be on prescription ready made formula for a while anyway which will be handy! Thanks that’s a good tip about changing on the bed 😂
I had a lovely afternoon with lots of cuddles thank you ☺️
it’s absolutely boiling in then hospital and I don’t even bother opening the curtains as it’s just a brick wall….i miss the outside world!
Mae that’s sounds like a lovely afternoon, I hope you get to enjoy a glass of wine soon!
thank you ☺️

@Candlesburn thank you ☺️ luckily I managed to get the out of hours GP to prescribe me a stronger dose of co codamol. I think when I get home I’m going to have to stay upstairs for a while and just move between bed, cot and armchair! It will be a long few first weeks!! As unfortunately I can’t walk far at all at the moment, one muscle seems to heal up and then another feels strained, it’s a real pain! My partners mum has been fantastic and has been busy cleaning and getting my bedroom ready and will be cooking, cleaning and bringing my meals upstairs for me… we are very lucky to have her! Thank you..:luckily I seem to have been gifted hundreds of muslins and I might order a few more sleepsuits xx

Hi OP
I have identical twins, born 8w early and we did 6w in hospital, I had a traumatic c section; so I understand some of your feelings!

Practical things that helped me…

Perfect prep machine, I had one up and one down, lifesaver.
Nappy caddy on each floor.
In early days I had a next to me by the sofa and one next to bed.
Twin pillow up and down too.

when they first came home and I still wasn’t well I’d dock myself downstairs for the day and upstairs for the night, and have everything I needed on each floor.

I moved the second next to me upstairs once they needed it and they had one each then to sleep. I know some people sleep twins together forever but I liked mine to have their own space so only had them in the same next to me until they outgrew it widthways (their length, so feet to side if that make sense) which was only about 11w old and mine were small (born 3lb2 each but were and still are very short!)

twins are the absolute best, congrats and good luck with your recovery x

@Msrachel oh that sounds awful! Must have been tough!

thank you. My friend has kindly offered to pick up a second hand twin next to me that she found on EBay and go half’s paying for it so I think I will take her up on her offer as I wasn’t sure before!

I will also have a look at the perfect prep machine…I know nothing about making up formula so going to ask nurses to show me how to make up a bottle before we leave the hospital.

thank you ☺️ glad to know you recovered! I think lots of the nurses don’t believe me when I tell them how much I’m in pain, they expect everyone to spring back to their pre pregnancy level of fitness in two weeks!

I hope your twins are doing well ❤️

I expressed until mine were 10 weeks then used freezer milk until they were 13w but after that, the perfect prep was an absolute lifesaver. If you do go for it, just make sure you clean it often and use the branded filters. I’d have struggled without it! Mine are 18m now and have development delay but are gorgeous little boys and we had ttts and the laser surgery so they are my miracle babies x

Sounds like you have some amazing support but take care of yourself too, if you need a break / sleep / help just ask them.

And there are people on MN 24 hours a day so you can chat through the night. I found this site invaluable for learning about so many things, parent related and otherwise.

You've had a major op and now have two new humans to take care of, some days (and nights) it will be hard going.

But you've got this. 🤩

Hi OP
Came looking for you after a previous thread of yours in April and so so glad to hear the rest of the pregnancy went well and you have your babies safe and well.
Congratulations!

Hope the pain subsides very soon. I had a C-section for my twins and the aftermath was a real shock. No one told me how painful it would be and, whilst I appreciate I should have realised, I had no idea I wouldn’t even be able to lift myself up out of the bed. It does get easier but it’s really important you don’t do too much and accept all the help offered.