Worried I'm failing my twins who have just started reception

[RubbishTwinMum]

They've always strongly resisted my attempts to get them writing or learning letters. They're extremely active children and don't like sitting still for two minutes. I've revisited this frequently, but not pushed it as I don't want to put them off even more. They do know the alphabet and can recognise their names. They can also write their names, but that's about it.

This week they've been learning three letters/sounds at school. The teacher has made an entry on the class app asking for parents to focus on these over the weekend, as "a small group of children are still very unfamiliar" with it. My twins are tagged, and six other children. The other children in this group are all the youngest ones (mine are January babies). It's a class of 29, so I feel like they are lagging way behind already 😔
I'm really worried that I haven't done enough to encourage them, and I've set them up for a rubbish start. Not sure what I'm hoping to gain by this post, just venting really! I feel awful and such a failure.

I would definitely complain about the communication method - perhaps the teacher didn't know the tagging was public? Unlikely but not really explicable otherwise!

I work in reception and also have a DS who sounds just like your DS.

Please please do not panic. Your son isn't behind. You have not let him down at all. It's perfectly normal for some to 'get it' quicker than others. It's very early days for them.

He is brand new to phonics. They all learn this at very different rates - this isn't down to your parenting before he went to school. With phonics all you can do is keep practicing them at home, keeping it fun, encouraging and positive and it'll come eventually. Don't stress it. He'll get there.

Not sure about the teachers way of going about this but giving benefit of doubt, just treat it as as well meaning "hey, a bit of reinforcement going over the sounds at home if you a get a minute wouldn't do any harm (but please don't be alarmed he is doing great and will get there)".

My DS hated to be still. He learned better when he was moving and it was fun. I'd write a few sounds in chalk on the ground or stick post it's around kitchen or garden fence. Shout out a sound and he had to run to the right one.

Oh, and keep sessions very short. Casual, bright and breezy. A couple of mins a day is enough. Skip if tired / not in form. You don't want to scunder them and put them off phonics at this stage!

TL/DR: Your son isn't behind at all. You haven't done anything wrong. All sounds very very normal. Teachers message may have caused unnecessary alarm.

Practice sounds at home, keeping it fun and encouraging with lots of praise. Don't stress it. You sound like a lovely, caring mum. Enjoy it. He'll get there when he's ready.

Thank you all so much for the supportive and helpful replies. This makes me feel much better and has given me lots of new ideas to try. I will definitely order some of the writing sand!

I might have made the app thing sound worse than it is. I just happened to notice that most posts of that nature have the whole class tagged, whereas this one only has a few tagged (as well as mentioning that it was just "a small group"). I'm fairly certain that only the parents of tagged children can see each post. Eg. I see photos with my children in, but not photos without them in because they're not tagged. Still not ideal, I agree! But it wasn't explicit naming and shaming.

Glad you're feeling better about it.

Sorry, I just realised I kept referring to "your DS' when you actually posted about your twins. Ah, before coffee....