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Original poster

Not appreciating what I've done

43 replies

purpleme12 · 26/09/2024 21:59

My child asked me to get make up as a present for her friend. She didn't want to go with me after school to pick, she said for me to do it myself while she was at school. I checked with her and this is what she wanted.

She is now upset because of two things. Firstly, one part of the make up is too 'kiddy' and also she doesn't wear eyeshadow apparently. Secondly because she thinks in the past this friend has got her more and ours doesn't look like a lot apparently.

It's lip gloss and a set of eye shadows. It's £10 plus a card which is as much as I'm prepared to spend on a low wage.

How would you deal with this?
Would you just sit her down tomorrow and explain?
Or give a consequence for her attitude about it all?

OP posts:
Original poster
purpleme12 · 26/09/2024 22:00

She's 10

OP posts:
Doingmybest12 · 26/09/2024 22:07

When does the present need to be given. Can you go together to swap it or can you swap if for a gift card. Can she add her pocket money if she's not happy. Not sure it needs a consequence, it's one of those things. If it's too late to swap, it's too late and that's what happens when you opt out of choosing. Can she add a bar of chocolate or something.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 26/09/2024 22:09

It needs to be given tomorrow so no, there's not really time to do another thing

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Beauty
Original poster
purpleme12 · 26/09/2024 22:09

Perhaps I should just talk to her then about it all tomorrow

OP posts:
Original poster
purpleme12 · 26/09/2024 22:10

And hope it sinks in

OP posts:
SheRa · 26/09/2024 22:12

It's hard. I remember looking round my room for stuff to give away as presents as my Mum used to make me give religious presents which I was mortified about!
There's no shame in sticking to a budget. It's a hard lesson but a worthwhile one for her to learn

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 26/09/2024 22:12

It sounds like she's afraid of being embarrassed by the gift, I'm not sure punishing her will help with that. She's only 10, but girls can be very cruel at this age especially about things that are 'babyish'.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 26/09/2024 22:16

Thanks

Sounds like I should just have a word then

I had a feeling I might get it wrong. Her school is very close to town so it would have been easy for her to come she just didn't want to do it.
Her behaviour can be challenging so when she's upset it comes out in her behaviour so it's hard to know sometimes what to do

OP posts:
Correlation · 26/09/2024 22:21

She should have gone with you to choose something if she had such specific requirements. Have you got a £10 note? She could put that in the card and say the money is for her friend to buy some makeup and the set you bought can be returned...

Original poster
purpleme12 · 26/09/2024 22:28

I don't think I've got a £10 note but I guess we could go to the cash machine if we get up early enough

If she likes that suggestion who knows with her!!

OP posts:
Original poster
purpleme12 · 26/09/2024 23:17

I have found a note she's written saying
'dear...
I am so sorry for the bad presents hope you are least like them a bit if you don't blame my mum I said PROPER make up

What would you do with this?

OP posts:
Original poster
purpleme12 · 26/09/2024 23:17

Really appreciate some advice

OP posts:
EmeraldRoses · 26/09/2024 23:22

I wouldnt be too harsh with her, I think she's worried about being made fun of In case they say the make up is baby ish or something, I would ask her if she wants to do the £10 in a card idea. She might be going through a challenging time with some of the girls in her class and she probably just wants to fit in x

IntheVicinity · 26/09/2024 23:23

Stop acting like her service provider. If she wants a specific present for her friend, she goes to buy it. She doesn’t get to laze around at home and then criticise what you bought. What a pity the friend won’t now get a present at all because of her attitude.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 26/09/2024 23:27

Service provider 🤣

Clearly this is a lesson learned for me as well as her! First time I've bought a present I think without her for a friend. Obviously won't be doing it again.

Ok so one poster thinks don't give any present.

I will be suggesting the £10 idea.
She's just in a tizz about it now because I think in her head she expected me to get the right makeup or something.

OP posts:
Ineedaholidayyyy · 26/09/2024 23:31

It sounds like she is embarrassed over the makeup and she is worried it will be perceived as babyish and not cool. However...if she cared so much about the specifics of the makeup, she should have been there to help you pick. That's a shitty little note she's written OP and would have really annoyed me. It you are in a position to give £10 and return the makeup, I'd be inclined to go along with that on this occasion, however I'd be having a stern word with her to ensure this doing happen again.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 26/09/2024 23:33

Ineedaholidayyyy · 26/09/2024 23:31

It sounds like she is embarrassed over the makeup and she is worried it will be perceived as babyish and not cool. However...if she cared so much about the specifics of the makeup, she should have been there to help you pick. That's a shitty little note she's written OP and would have really annoyed me. It you are in a position to give £10 and return the makeup, I'd be inclined to go along with that on this occasion, however I'd be having a stern word with her to ensure this doing happen again.

I thought it was as shitty note as well

It's really hard. Her behaviour is challenging. She has trouble with her emotions. So she doesn't deal with things well.

Do you think I should give her the option of the £10? Or insist we just give £10 because of all the fuss about the present and the note?

OP posts:
cariadlet · 26/09/2024 23:35

It's frustrating to be taken for granted and not be appreciated but I don't think there need to be consequences.

She's at an age where the approval of peers is incredibly important. There are often a lot of friendship problems with girls this age. Puberty seems to magnify issues and hormones are running wild.

If you do mention the letter, then I think it's ok to say that it hurt your feelings because you had tried to do a kind thing for her but also let her know that you understand that she wrote it because she is so worried about what her friend might think.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 26/09/2024 23:35

cariadlet · 26/09/2024 23:35

It's frustrating to be taken for granted and not be appreciated but I don't think there need to be consequences.

She's at an age where the approval of peers is incredibly important. There are often a lot of friendship problems with girls this age. Puberty seems to magnify issues and hormones are running wild.

If you do mention the letter, then I think it's ok to say that it hurt your feelings because you had tried to do a kind thing for her but also let her know that you understand that she wrote it because she is so worried about what her friend might think.

Thanks.

Do you think I should take the note so she can't give it?

OP posts:
Ineedaholidayyyy · 26/09/2024 23:41

Your daughter is not happy with what you've bought as she's left that note, no way I'd be letting her send the note though. I'd be telling her he note was unkind end of.

Then tell her the friend is getting £10 in a card , and leave it at that. A 10/11 year old I'm pretty sure would be happy with money anyway , and £10 is plenty for a school friend.

cariadlet · 26/09/2024 23:42

purpleme12 · 26/09/2024 23:35

Thanks.

Do you think I should take the note so she can't give it?

Show quote history

If you did take the note, there would be nothing to stop her writing another one when she gets to school.

Maybe show it to her in the morning and talk about it?

Chipsintheair · 26/09/2024 23:45

I think it's worrying if she feels so strongly that her friend will blame her for the present not being what she (the friend?) wanted.

The letter suggests she's anxious about her friend's reaction.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 26/09/2024 23:46

Ineedaholidayyyy · 26/09/2024 23:41

Your daughter is not happy with what you've bought as she's left that note, no way I'd be letting her send the note though. I'd be telling her he note was unkind end of.

Then tell her the friend is getting £10 in a card , and leave it at that. A 10/11 year old I'm pretty sure would be happy with money anyway , and £10 is plenty for a school friend.

Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
purpleme12 · 26/09/2024 23:46

cariadlet · 26/09/2024 23:42

If you did take the note, there would be nothing to stop her writing another one when she gets to school.

Maybe show it to her in the morning and talk about it?

Show quote history

Thanks yes I guess it's possible she could write a new one! Or even tell her it's my fault!!

I'll have a word in the morning

OP posts:
Original poster
purpleme12 · 26/09/2024 23:48

Chipsintheair · 26/09/2024 23:45

I think it's worrying if she feels so strongly that her friend will blame her for the present not being what she (the friend?) wanted.

The letter suggests she's anxious about her friend's reaction.

Maybe she is. Or just worried about what she'll think?
I don't know. I don't know how realistic the worry is
Kids worry about stuff they don't need to don't they

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