20 year sibling age gap

[SquatWeightaMinute]

I had my first child young, he is now 19 and I have had a further two children who are both teens.

I recently remarried and my partner doesn’t have any children, we are considering IVF on the next year using my partners eggs but I would carry the baby, it’s just hit me that there would be at least a 20 year age gap between my youngest and oldest child!

I will be 39/40 when the baby arrives if all goes to plan.

No idea why I am posting, just hit me like a ton of bricks, DP is at work and no one else knows what we are considering so just letting it out here.

You ll have plenty of help. Best of luck with it.

I’ve friends with their youngest being younger than their oldest Grandchild. It happens, if it’s want and you’re both fit and well, then go for it and good luck

I have a younger sister who is 19 years younger than me and I love her dearly.
What I will say... is that my dad really struggles to be a dad to us at the same time due to the different stages of life...Trying to be a dad, whilst also being a grandad etc.

Couldn't imagine anything worse than starting all over again with teens and a 20 year old. Spending basically half my life parenting, nope.

Of course it's your choice and I'm sure you feel differently!

My Mum is 19 years older than her youngest brother, he's eight years older than me. They have had an incredibly close relationship for decades. Not only did my grandmother bring him up (and she was an older mother than you) she also saw his son well into his adulthood. I also have several friends who have had kids into their 40s. No advice, just that.

I had my first young and have a 20 year age gap between them and my second, I always wanted more children but didn't meet anyone that I wanted to have them with for a long time so for me I wasn't bothered about the gap as I never felt my family was finished. I'm currently pregnant with my 3rd and feel my family will be complete once they're born.

19 years between myself and sibling. We have a fantastic relationship.

I had a dc young . There's only 4 years between sibling and my dc. They're super close like siblings.
I did babysit a lot because I wanted to. Loved taking them out and treating them. When I got my own place with my dc and ex. My sibling stayed every weekend .

21 years between my two DDs. DD1 adores DD2. Whilst I am knackered (I have a full time job) I am so so happy that I had another child. I'd always wanted more and having DD2 is perfect.

@SquatWeightaMinute sounds exactly like my situation! I was 39 with a newborn and a 12,16 and 20 year old . Ask me anything 😀

My dc are 36, 24 and 17. They are very close and always have been.

15 years younger than my brother and we are very close.

My mum and her sister have this gap. They aren't close at all really but her sister had moved out when mum was born which didn't help

How do you know?

I have a friend who has a 25 year age gap between oldest and youngest, with 4 children in the middle of varying ages. She had the 1st at 24 and the 6th at 49.

Makes me relax a little to see that it happens, there are lots in my shoes!

@mycatsanutter those are very similar ages to mine! Do yoy feel like a first time mum again? Has much changed?

I can’t believe we are considering this, I have always firmly believed I was done but older DC has left for uni and the younger two are not far behind.

If you were a man moving onto a second or third relationship, I doubt you'd be questioning the age gap between the siblings at all. In your position, it will be different as you are carrying the pregnancy but loads of people have babies at that age.

20 year age gap was common just one generation ago. My mum’s eldest brother was 23 when she was born. It’s not the age gap that would concern me.

Is your partner younger? It might be less hard for the younger body to carry the child, and less risky to do so with her own eggs.

@AgileGreenSeal what would be your concerns? Not being snarky, genuinely want to think about this from every angle.

I think it's about what you want. Different people are going to feel differently here. I'm definitely one of those who wouldn't want to spend 40 years with dependent children but that's just an opinion that not everyone shares.

@SeptimusSheep my partner is younger, will be 34 at the point of egg collection but absolutely no way they will carry the pregnancy. That’s a hard no.

I am fit and healthy, have carried three pregnancies and won’t be outside of the norm age wise myself so I am not worried about carrying the baby.

“I can’t believe we are considering this, I have always firmly believed I was done but older DC has left for uni and the younger two are not far behind.”

Who’s idea is it to have a baby? You say that you believe you were ‘done’ , and hence are probably enjoying the freedom and independence that teens bring. Do you really envisage another eighteen years of parenting children , and the next decade having a dependent again?

Can I add the usual mumsnet warning? Consider this move carefully. What if dp can’t cope with a screaming baby? Disabled child? Etc and decides to leave? You’ll be a single mum .

I know there’s plenty of 38+ year old mums out there but I’m guessing you’re recently married. How long have you been together? Have they moved in with you as you have children? Has they got a stable job?

(sorry to be the voice if doom/reality)

Sorry, just seen dp’s age. I assumed they be 38-40.

*She

Just edited my post.