20 year sibling age gap

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I had my first child young, he is now 19 and I have had a further two children who are both teens.

I recently remarried and my partner doesn’t have any children, we are considering IVF on the next year using my partners eggs but I would carry the baby, it’s just hit me that there would be at least a 20 year age gap between my youngest and oldest child!

I will be 39/40 when the baby arrives if all goes to plan.

No idea why I am posting, just hit me like a ton of bricks, DP is at work and no one else knows what we are considering so just letting it out here.

We have been together for 5 years, married 1. Both have secure stable jobs, partner earns slightly more than me but I am at the end of some professional development hence waiting another year whilst I settle in.

Partner owned own house prior to us meeting, we live there.

The reason for my change of heart, I didn’t have it easy with my first children, EX was abusive, physically, he did nothing with the kids. It was all on me. New partner is nothing like that, would be present, look after us, we would be a proper family. Already a fantastic step parent to my existing DC.

@redtrain123 have you actually read the post? The OP has a female partner, which is why she says she will carry the pregnancy using her partners eggs.

Have you been counselled on the additional risks of a pregnancy with someone else's eggs? I'd want some idea of what my own level of risk was before proceeding.

Not yet @WhatNoRaisins , we have booked an initial appointment to talk to the fertility team. It’s a very new decision, which is why I am still a bit shocked (at myself).

We don’t really have much idea what is involved at this point other than egg harvest and lots of injections.

As it’s far more complex, plus the cost is there a big reason she can’t carry a child, not asking for the actual reason. I have siblings that are 19, 18, 12 and 7 years older. I didn’t have proper relationship with the oldest two, I just never knew them. It’s been quite weird knowing you will most definitely have to bury all your siblings if the natural order of things happen. I’m 58 and the oldest has died and now the next oldest one is in a residential home.

I have an 18 year gap between my son and daughter. It was fine but having my daughter was like having my first child again. Only drawback was her not having a younger brother for a playmate.

@AyeupDuck that is a very interesting point that I hadn’t considered. Baby would have cousins on my partner side close in age and they are all a very very close family, none on my side as my youngest teen is the youngest child in my family.

There is no medical reason that my partner can’t carry (that we know of) they just are not willing to carry a pregnancy but would love to be a parent. They had accepted that for this reason it wasn’t meant to be for them so there is no pressure on me.

I did it.

There was a 12, 15 and 20 year age gap.

They worshipped her. Played with her, looked after her all the time. It made my heart sing.

Shes 18 now and very close to the one 12 years older.

lt wasn’t hard in any way.

I am loving all of this stories from people that have done it, fills me with hope that we aren’t insane!

Od course it is a difficult journey and might not happen for us but it’s lovely to know that it can work well if it does.

My kids are 31, 16 and 11 and I have a 9 year old grandson. The eldest and youngest are 20 years apart and have the loveliest relationship. They're always off having 'sister days' together.