Come & share your mansplaining stories here!

[TheStroppyFeminist]

Yesterday a male colleague told me that adding an extra column to my document would make it better.

a) It didn't and b) I've been hiring people since way before he was born so he can FTFO

What have you had mansplained to you recently?

My best example was years ago when my then Husband and I were going shopping and I was chatting to my neighbour at her door while I was waiting for him to come out. He asked me to open the car door for him as I had the key fob so I did and carried on chatting to my neighbour for a few minutes, by which time my now EXH took his time and the car door locked again. When he couldn't open it he shouted at me that you said you had unlocked it!! When I said I did but it locked itself as he took too long, on the way to the shops he proceeded to tell me not to be stupid (yes used that word) and that cars don't lock themselves, there is a safety issue in case a child is in the car... yadda yadda.. went on for 15 minutes, and why don't I just admit I didn't unlock it. When we got to the shops I had great delight in demonstrating the feature on our car... then he didn't speak to me for the rest of the day as apparently by proving I was right (not that he was wrong) I emasculated him. Poor lamb.

I was on a beach with my ex and a friend. A woman started to fly a kite. My ex went over to her and very charmingly showed her how to fly it and performed a basic manoeuvre. She thanked him equally charmingly and as he walked away made the kite perform every difficult trick she knew. My friend and I laughed until we cried.

I might have misunderstood, but I'm not sure correcting a comedian's joke (a man deliberately misunderstanding mansplaining to explain it to women) adds anything to the online discourse. No one deserves threats and abuse, but maybe don't go to a satirist's page and tell them the satire is wrong when that's the whole point of the bit?

(Apologies if I have misunderstood, though.)

I have a degree in medical sciences, a medical degree and a diploma in both pharmacology and neuro-pharmacology, as well as membership of the relevant Royal College.

A friend’s husband tried to explain to me the difference in how soluble meds were absorbed versus solid tablets. He was wrong. And was most unhappy when I corrected him and told him that a man with an engineering degree was unlikely to know more about this issue than me with all the above qualifications.

A childless male maths teacher corrected me - a woman who has given birth to multiple babies - on what labour feels like.

A macho man that I once worked with complained that it was 'chavvy' to call a child Mercedes, after a car. I explained that the car was named after the entrepreneur's daughter and that it actually means 'mercy'
He then looked it up and demanded to know why I knew that and he didn't.

I'm embarrassed to say that this was my own DH.

I was about to sew something, using nylon thread. I had tried to thread a needle with it, but the eye was too small. Now, this nylon thread was all bouncy and springy, as well as being near transparent, and I didn't want to lose sight of the end. So, I put it (the end) into my mouth to keep safe so that I had both hands free while I got a bigger needle out of the case.

DH's words?

"Wetting it won't make any difference."

We-ell, nooo shit, Sherlock. 🙄

He does talk some utter shite, sometimes.

An ex boyfriend mansplained to me that women can't possibly have orgasms in their sleep- even though it had actually happened to me once....

A friend had been having recurring migraines so decided to keep a diary of when they happened- turned out they were always in the few days before her period. When she presented this to her male Dr he mansplained that hormones couldn't possibly cause migraines

g

@Shouldhavebutdidnt when I went to ask one of my professors for a reference for PhD application, another professor happened to walk in and said "oh what are you applying for, teachers training?"
I got the highest marks in my year on my degree course - no way he would have made that assumption if I had been male!

Not quite mansplaining.....

DH and I went to buy a car on the 31st December when all the sales people were rushing about trying to make their targets for the year as their bonuses depended on it. Found the car we wanted and chap came over and started talking to my DH about the price and finance options.

DH kept referring him to me or turning so that chap was facing both of us for the discussion. Chap kept turning so that he basically had his back to me and was between my DH & myself. DH kept glancing at me and WE agreed on a price that DH then agreed with chap (still with his back to me).

Chap then said to DH "well let's go into my office to discuss finance!" and DH said "no point in me going in there as I know diddly about money, you'll need to talk to my wife." Chap stomped off with me trailing and tried to smile at me knowing that me being so thick it was going to take forever to explain it all properly to me before closing time and he didn't want to miss out on selling something else.

So he said "what you want is a loan, it will cost you £X a month, nice and easy. Here's the paperwork!"

So I asked "what's the APR? Is there any initial or final payments to be made?"

Chap: "oh don't worry about those, we'll just sign you up, APR doesn't exist with loans and the final payment will be minimal"

Me: "But isn't it a financial regulatory requirement to give at least a representative APR with any lending product? I thought that was a basic that anyone offering financial products would know about! Maybe I should talk to the company finance manager instead?" (looking around a busy sales room)

Chap started getting all red faced and blustery, practically spitting in frustration especially when I asked that he provide me with a full printout of the monthly payments that would be required showing loan amounts and monthly interest being charged. He just about had an aneurism getting the system to provide this while the clock ticked closer to closing time.

Finally handed it to me with a few minutes to go pleased to know that he would get this extra bonus for the year. I looked it all over slowly and then shook my head "No, this will cost us too much, think we'll pay cash instead as long as you still give us that extra discount". He agreed, got all the paperwork out and then I paid for it all on my credit card.

hyperemesis gravidarum
which I suffered horrifically, twice.
He'd read an article on the Princess of Wales and knew best.

@DoobleDecker yes, you have misunderstood, as had the comedian and all the men backslapping each other in the replies. I'm just as entitled to 'add to the discourse' as all the people in the comments who were agreeing with Pie that women throw around accusations of mansplaining' when they've been proved wrong by a man. That isn't what mansplaining is.

I follow a very male-dominated sport and had a guy explain the junior league/ development system to me as "think of the players like cookies, if you get them out of the oven 5 minutes early they're perfectly edible but give them the whole time and they get really golden and crispy" 🏒🍪 Player in question got called up to the Big Team days later and scored a hat trick in his first game... I guess he was ready to come out of the oven after all!

Way too many to count.

Eg I made a comment to a candidate when I was part of an interview panel and my colleague said 'what independencefreedom means to say is...'

Someone was giving me a lift home to my parents' house and I told them the quickest route (they'd never been there) and they argued that they knew a better route and proceeded to add 10 minutes to the journey

My ex-dh said he'd checked and miscarriages don't really hurt that much (after I'd had one involving a massive haemorrhage, blood transfusion and much much hurt)

and so on and on and on and on

Sadly it starts young! I was out with my 6 year old and we bumped into a former neighbour whom I hadn't seen for a few years. In conversation it turned out that her grandson is at the same school as DS. "You might know him," she said. "He's called Joshua Taylor and is in Year 4" (not his real name). DS looked a bit pityingly at her and said "There isn't a Joshua in Year 4. You probably mean Joshua Wilson in Year 3"

Years ago a (male friend) was travelling up from England to visit DH and me in our home in Scotland, where we'd since settled. I told him to take the train to Paisley Gilmour Street Station, where I would meet him. No sign of him, despite waiting some considerable time. I eventually found him; where were you, I asked. "Well, I saw "PAISLEY CNL" on the board, and assumed it meant Paisley Central, so took that train."

Now, if only he'd listened to what I'd told him, instead of thinking he knew better, instead of trying to take a train to the non existent "Paisley Central" Station, and instead actually taking on the slightly out of town, little used, infrequent back water line that is the Canal Line. Instead of ending up at the very much in existence Paisley Canal Station, where I wasn't waiting, he would have correctly ended up at the main station in the town, where I was. Men. 🤦‍♀️

So many ...

One that springs to mind is when I was looking to have a proper fixed cover installed over our basement lightweight. (At the moment it has a gardeners cold frame over the top to stop leaves, rain etc getting in. ) However I wanted a hinged cover that could be opened from the inside. Partly for fresh air but mainly because the basement has been converted into a TV/ craft room for the kids and I wanted to know they had an alternative fire escape if the stairs were blocked.

Contacted one company and the man on the phone said they only did fixed lightwell covers. I politely said that's not what I'm after, thank you and tried to end the conversation. He asked a couple of questions and I responded, thinking he was going to helpfully refer me elsewhere. He then started lecturing me about the Building Safety regulations and how there only needs to be a fire escape in a room designated as a bedroom so if I gave him my address he would come round and measure up for a fixed cover.

I told him much more firmly that I am a construction solicitor and am well aware of the regulations but that I had been very clear that a fixed cover is not what I want. He was still arguing that I was talking nonsense and he'd make an appointment to come and measure up when I bellowed GOODBYE and put the phone down.

I lived in Singapore for 10 years and my DH is a citizen.

Absolute tosser of a man at a party held forth on the subject of Singapore, including much misinformation and batting away with supreme confidence any attempt on my part to correct him. This even included the pronunciation of my husband's name

When I was about to go on maternity leave with DC2 (I already had a 4 year old, so had been parenting for a while!), my male boss asked for a 'mentoring' meeting with me and another woman in the team who had just returned from maternity leave. He explained to us that lots of people struggle to balance work and childcare/family life and end up exhausted, stressed and underperforming. His view was that this was unintentional but always avoidable with better planning. Luckily for us, he was able to tell us that the secret was setting specific times for each family task each week (eg. Every day after work- 10mins to sort and put on washing before making tea, Tuesday 7pm-8pm- ironing work/school shirts etc, every day 8pm-8.30pm- deep clean one room), to keep a calendar of important dates and to always make sure the kitchen is clean before going to bed. I provide these examples to show the level of detail that he went in to about how to organise basic tasks. All said with a smug grin, like he was imparting life-changing wisdom.

Apparently being organised in such a way (which clearly no-one else had every thought of) was how he had managed to be a single parent with a clean and tidy home, and successful at work but still have time to keep fit, have a couple of hobbies and see friends. So not the fact that he only saw his child every other weekend, his ex-wife did all the school runs/school admin/medical appointments and emergencies etc and he also had a mother and girlfriend who took over childcare duties/housework etc when he had something else to do. No, definitely the superior organisation skills.

So, so many.

A male colleague told me I had "fundamentally misunderstood" one of our organisations policies. I wrote the policy.

Another male colleague who emailed me to say he disagreed with a decision I had made at work attempted to bolster his argument by attaching a (rubbish) article on a topic that I have a degree and postgraduate qualifications in and have been delivering training on for more then a decade. Training that he has attended.

FIL explained Autism to me at length after he became an expert in it from watching the Chris Packham documentary. I am Autistic, both my children are Autistic and my job involves working closely with Autistic Children and their parents.

I work in the public sector so men who work in the private sector (and have only ever worked in the private sector) like to tell me everything that is wrong with the public sector and how easy I have it, based on zero actual knowledge or experience of my role or my sector. Fun.

This is one of my favourites

Ugh. This reminds me of my first proper boyfriend when I was 16 explaining to me that "lots of women actually prefer anal". He was also 16 and I was the first and only girl he'd had sex with.

Total dick where I work who is the fount of all knowledge and a complete elevenerifer, once mansplained mansplaining to me and my boss. It was hilarious, made funnier by his anger when we laughed at him.