How to decline a wedding invite

[blossomhoney2]

An ex work colleague who is now a friend is getting married in early April next year. I really don't want to go for the following reasons but I am not sure how to say no without hurting her feelings. Should I just tell the truth? Or make up some excuse? Every time we meet she has spoken about the wedding, and we have to RSVP by end of October. My reasons:

• it's 4 hours away on public transport, by train and by gondola (she's getting married at a hotel on top of a mountain - we don't live in the Uk!). Driving there is more difficult so better to do public transport.
• it's on a Friday so me and DH both have to take a day off work. There is nothing happening on the following day so would literally just be traveling for the afternoon (wedding from 2pm- 01.00am, includes ceremony, dinner at 6pm then dancing) and then leaving on Saturday after breakfast.
• we have a 2 year old child which means we won't be able to fully enjoy ourselves anyway, we both won't be able to stay up dancing, one of us will have to be with our child and do bedtime etc. it will basically just be a form of stressful childcare up a mountain in the snow with a load of people we don't really know.
• the hotel room costs 250 EUR for one night, the whole cost of the trip will be around 500 EUR including extra food and travel.
• dress code: suits for men and for the ladies long dresses below the knee (I don't own a long dress so that will be an added cost)
• I am trying to get pregnant so I am hoping by April I will be in my first trimester (not guaranteed I know!) but could have sickness like my first pregnancy.

Anyone have any ideas of what to say to gently tell her thanks but no thanks?

Why don't you just go though? Seriously all of your excuses are a bit lame. It's months away, find a babysitter and leave your child at home. You've said that you can afford it so the cost is not prohibitive. Why not just enjoy a lovely day off with your husband, eat nice food, stay in a nice hotel, in what sounds like a nice location.
This whole attitude of I don't want to come because it's bit of effort is depressing. We make effort for the people who are important to us dont we?

This sounds perfect to me. A long list of reasons just sounds like someone who is trying to make sure their excuse for not going sounds like a cast-iron excuse. Cast-iron excuses are not required, in fact they make it sound like you are trying too hard to justify not attending. Keep it simple yet warm.

Honoured to be asked. Sorry to decline.

When you turn down a request or invitation, you don’t owe an explanation. Other people aren’t entitled to know your reasons or priorities - honestly, I wish I hadn’t been mid 50’s before I learned this. Being courteous is not about justifying your decision, it’s about showing gratitude for the invitation.

agreed. It's absolutely mind boggling!

I mean yeah if you want her to think that you hate her

In my opinion when a marriage has been arranged in such a way to make it difficult for a lot of people to attend,I don't think it unreasonable of the Bride and Groom not to understand if people decline the invitation, decline and send the gift. She probably won't even give it a thought,so much going on.
Wish her well and don't feel guilty about it.

Haha.

‘sorry, I just don’t like you enough to be bothered!’

clearly this person does not mean much to you, so it’s best you don’t go and cost them a plate.

send a nice gift.

And it’s too bad they are under the impression you are a good enough friend to invite. Sucks to be them!

You're assuming she'll be upset that you can't attend. Why?

I'd simply say it's logistically difficult with a child in tow so you cant attend.

I'd buy a gift to show willing 😀

Don’t feel guilty. Yes, she would like you to be there hence the invitation but in the scheme of things, it really isn’t going to have impact on her day if you are there or not. Tell her as soon as you’ve made your decision then just be enthusiastic about her plans, buy her a gift and be as enthusiastic about seeing the photos/ video when you see her after the wedding.

If she’s a good friend and deserving of this amount of concern from you she will be a good enough friend to understand not everyone will make the trip.