Should I be bribing my DD13 to read?

[crazypiglady]

DD13 used to love stories but has always struggled a bit with reading, at primary school I asked for a dyslexia assessment but they never put her in for one, saying she was too young to tell at the time. To get around this either I read with her or she listened to her book on Audible, which she loved. Now she’s y9 & won’t read anything or listen to any books on Audible. She’s had an assessment through school which has suggested coloured glasses or an overlay may help but she’s refusing to use either in school. We are saving to have a private dyslexia assessment as she says the words sort of fuzz, lines move and her eyes water with white paper. I love reading, it brings me great comfort, so I’m a bit devastated that she hates it so much because I think she’s missing out. My Mom has suggested a payment per book or a certain amount of chapters to earn screen time after school. But another family member has suggested I should leave her & back off, that not everyone loves reading and that’s ok. I don’t know what to do for the best.

My eldest is dyslexic and I think has the same struggles. He prefers manga comics to reading. He’s started relistening to Harry Potter in audible too recently he has the app on his phone. I think it’s a tricky age as tastes are changing. Do you listen to audible books atall? I think its an easier sell if they hear it and interested rather than being told. It’s a bit sweary but Kevin Bridges autobiography on audible was good. I grew up on a rough council estate so a lot of it reasonated with me. DS is very mc so was definitely appalled but also enthralled. I try and choose audible books we can both listen to and then we have a mini informal book club over tea and biscuits at some point. Autobiographies seem to be good for us. Trevor Noah’s born a sin was a good listen too.

I'm a huge reader but I don't think it's a problem that other people aren't.
She doesn't enjoy it because it's a struggle for her, do you get great comfort from doing something you struggle with?
Leave her be and let her do things she does enjoy.

Some people just aren’t readers and that’s fine. DD was a real bookworm when she was younger but now aged 20 I genuinely don’t think she has willingly read one since she was about 11! Expecting your DD to find joy in the same things that you do is quite unreasonable and simply not realistic if I’m honest.

It certainly has had absolutely no negative effect at all in her reading, writing or analytical skills - she got two As at GCSE in English language + literature and won essay prizes all throughout sixth form.

Your dd reluctance to read may or may not be related to dyslexia/ or visual difficulties but can also just be that she doesn't want to. My dd13 loved reading in primary school, and will always buy a new book for holiday but she doesn't read regularly. She doesn't have the time, between school, homework and sports (6days a week). It hasn't affected her literacy and she's always gets great grades.

As long as she read enough to understand the important things then leave her be about reading books.
The important things are stuff like instructions on medication, safety signs, legal paperwork etc.
No one actually needs to read fiction if they don't want to.

The visual symptoms you describe are Irlens syndrome

No but I know there’s some things I have to do - I don’t enjoy running at the time, but I’m always glad I’ve done it afterwards.

Nobody has to read, or run for that matter. If the attitude you’re giving on this thread is the same that you use with your DD then I’m not surprised that she’s not keen on books! The more you push the more she will be put off.

Has she tried reading on a Kindle? DGC find it easier. So do I!

It seems that her reluctance to read is based on physical difficulties in actually reading, which is putting her off. The trouble is that she will need to read texts as part of other subjects she is studying too, so she can't get away with not reading. Would she be prepared to use this colour overlay thing at home? She is probably too self-conscious doing it at school.

Concentrate on helping her overcome the physical problem at the moment, and leave the 'not reading books so she is missing out' for another time. And don't make her feel like you are disappointed in her.

Have you had her eyes checked? Just in case the fuzz is visual. And to rule it out.

Then lead by example, suggest a reading half hour together each evening. She will have the reassurance that if she gets a bit lost in the text you are there to help out a bit, if needed.

If kids see adults reading for pleasure it's not such a chore for them, plus you get to read as well, win win.

Barrington stoke publish excellent age-appropriate dyslexia friendly books

I do agree reading and comprehension goes across most subjects.

And yes get her tested to see if her struggles are not just a dislike/out of the habit.

And graphic novels, non fiction encyclopedias, even maps, atlases are all reading.

What is she into?
Get her a great book on whatever that is.

I'd back off too. Slogging through books she doesn't enjoy for a monetary reward is probably not going to help her. Worst case is it puts her off for life (if she does more than skim it). I'd make sure she has a wide range of books in different genres (fiction/ non-fiction/ graphic novels/ newspapers / magazines/ maybe even a kindle) available and then leave it to her. Not commenting positively if she picks something up or negatively if she doesn't. Just because you get joy from reading and running doesn't mean she'll be the same - be it in this season of her life or ever. Pursuing a dyslexia assessment and vision checks is sensible, but even if she isn't dyslexic and has perfect vision when corrected, she still might not be interested in reading.

I’m not taking an attitude, I’m asking for advice because I don’t think I can be objective - I’m getting pressure from my family to push, I want her to be able to enjoy reading but I also want to respect it if it’s not her thing. She does have to read - in the first instance for her exams across all subjects but also late in life, contracts, legal docs etc.

Animals, she’s animal mad. So I’ve gotten her like nature magazines, stuff like that. She won’t try my Kindle (I’ve offered to buy her her own) but I was hopeful for that as you can change the font size etc

I do not read books at all, haven't read a book since I was about 11 and I'm mid 40s now. I just don't enjoy, I have ADHD and can't digest a storyline. My son is the same and he's 14 and doesn't read. He struggles with comprehension the same as me

I love reading, it brings me great comfort, so I’m a bit devastated that she hates it so much because I think she’s missing out.

That's quite an extreme reaction.

Try a graphic novel from your local library. It doesn't need to be a book! Your DD can try out something that suits her.

I was doing a jigsaw at my local library at the weekend. Totally unexpected but I had a go and enjoyed it.

Libraries open new doors.

You can’t push a dyslexic into reading lots of books when it is literally a neurological impairment. It’s no different from telling a wheelchair user that if they ditched the wheelchair and walked up the stairs you’d give them £100.

The problem with your DD is she doesn’t have the dyslexia equivalent of a wheelchair (yet).

There is no point pushing her until she has had her private assessment- which btw- will be a thousand times better than the school’s assessment and one size fits all let’s give them words on pink paper! Solution.

There are many subtypes of dyslexia and depending on which your DD has, there will be different tools and accommodations for her that will help her be able to read and write fluently- even if she still needs a SPAG checker. Her stamina will never be that of someone without dyslexia and so she won’t be able to read as much before her brain tires.

The time to push is when you have these tools and need her to try them out. She has been through more than half her life of struggling at this, so it will take a lot to build up her confidence and willingness to try.

I think that’s what upsets me about it, I can see her struggle and it obviously affects her confidence & willingness to try. If I found it so hard, I’m sure I wouldn’t do it either. The dyslexia assessment is so expensive but she’s y9 now and I feel like we can’t wait any longer to get the right help for her - I don’t know if it’s dyslexia or Irlens as I have no experience of either, but that’s why we’re currently saving up to get her seen by a local specialist.

I would back off, my eldest is dyslexic in year 9 and doesn't really read any more. He does listen to audiobooks but nearly exclusively non-fiction ones. One of the things his Dyslexia assessor said is do not under estimate how mentally tiring it is to get through the school day. I personally would not be forcing a child to do something at home that you know they struggle with when they are getting plenty of exposure to it at school.

The GCSE bite size videos on YouTube and BBC are really good ways to learn and revise for a dyslexic without having to read textbooks or workbooks.

Hi OP,

The difficulties your daughter is describing sound like they could be related to Visual Stress. Some people with this do also have dyslexia, but many do not. You can get a basic assessment now at many opticians (called a colorimetry test) and in some areas the NHS offers a full assessment either free or at a reduced cost. It’s worth looking into, as if this the reason she is finding reading a challenge, it could be a quick fix!

My DS isn't keen on reading and never reads for fun. English and languages were his least favourite subjects at school, he was a maths and computers kid.

He left school this summer with pretty much all 8s and 9s at GCSE (with the exception of a 7 in English) so it's done him no harm.