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Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Have you relocated with your mid-primary age kids?

30 replies

Thatsajokeright · 23/09/2024 10:03

How did they find it? We're considering relocating but the only thing that stops me is the idea of uprooting my DD who has just started Year 4.

I just can't seem to come to peace with either decision.

Stay here and I will be unhappy; not miserable but not happy either.

Move and disrupt the kids who may end up miserable. Then what?

My DD is a happy, friendly, extroverted kid who makes friends easily. DS is more introvert but in Year 2 so easier to move?

I'd be grateful for some thoughts on it.

OP posts:
Summertimer · 23/09/2024 10:31

We didn’t geographically move, but switched DC at beginning of Yr5. There was a little bit of established friendship tension. But, through secondary now and still some friends from years 5-6

RhaenysRocks · 23/09/2024 10:41

I did. Ten years later they still talk about their old school and we visit with a couple of their old friends when we're in the area but they made new friends well enough. The only thing was the used to idealise it so if there ever was a problem with new place they'd look back with rose tinted specs at the old place which really wasn't perfect. If everything else makes sense, then do it. But try to give them some ownership if the process and how exciting and isn't the new uniform a nicer colour and you can have a new coat / bag / lunchbox for the new school

stanleypops66 · 23/09/2024 10:44

I did with dd in year 5. She managed really well, made friends and got stuck in with clubs etc. she developed the local accent fully after around a year.

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Button28384738 · 23/09/2024 10:54

We moved when DD was between reception and year 1 and it was fine.

My parents relocated when my brother and me were end of year 3 & 5, we both settled in fine at the new school. It was also a good move for the family because we got a bigger house and were closer to extended family.
I think it's never guaranteed but children are quite resilient and adaptable so if moving will benefit you all then do it - now is definitely better than in a couple of years.

MySocksAreDotty · 23/09/2024 11:02

About to move my primary kids (one lower, one upper) and worried about how it will go 😬😬😬.

TickingAlongNicely · 23/09/2024 11:02

We moved several times. The majority went well. But one move each went completely wrong for each DD... oddly the ones when they were 8 years old.

For DD1... it was when she was turned down from all the schools so it took a couple of months to sort out. She thought it was her fault and the school would chuck her out. Every morning she was terrified.

For DD2 it was just after Covid and she didn't trust schools to remain open. So refused to make friends.

All the moves that went according to plan they did well on.

LeavesTrees · 23/09/2024 11:07

I’m interested in this too because we are considering the same thing, although my DC are a year or 2 older.

It feels like I’m choosing between mine and my DCs happiness in a way.

mindutopia · 23/09/2024 11:30

Yes, we moved mid way through Y4 (with youngest in preschool and starting reception the next September, so he was in 3 different settings in 6 months). It was completely fine.

Honestly, she had a whole new group of ‘best friends’ within a week, joined a sports team, got invited to a birthday party, all within 2 weeks and it was like we’d always lived here.

It was a wonderful move for us and we have a great lifestyle. She still keeps in touch with old friends and we can sometimes travel to see them. I wouldn’t hesitate to do it again.

AutumnLeaves1990 · 23/09/2024 12:25

We relocated when DD was 7. Definitely better to do it now than when they're at the end of primary or about to start secondary.

sprinklesandtwinkles · 23/09/2024 13:04

We moved to a completely new area and school, DS1 into Y6 and DS2 into Y4

DS2 settled in well, made new friends quickly.

It was absolutely awful for DS1. No one wanted to be friends with him, he was on his own at playtime and lunchtime and when he tried to join with others he was told to go away and make other friends. He would come home in tears, it was absolutely heart wrenching to watch.

Fortunately he had the most amazing class teacher and after we asked for help he moved DS2 around the classroom so the other kids could get to know him, he went out at playtime to make sure DS2 had someone to hang out with and he even went to the school canteen every lunchtime to make sure DS2 sat with other kids. It made a massive difference and DS2 soon made friends. Amazing teacher, I'll always be forever grateful to him.
.

AngeloMysterioso · 23/09/2024 13:19

How far would you be looking to move? I know it’s long so but my mum moved us from the Home Counties to the midlands when I was 10, and I was utterly miserable. Found it impossible to make friends, bullied mercilessly for my “posh” accent. I moved back down south at the earliest opportunity, but have never really felt settled anywhere and even now there is nowhere that I think of as “home”. I never really forgave my mum for uprooting us and chopping my childhood in half so drastically.

AliceMcK · 23/09/2024 13:28

Yes.

For my years 4/5 dd everything was great as it was a bigger school and she had a bigger friendship group. Year 2/3 dd not so much, making friends was fine but the school setting for her wasn’t. Youngest dd was too young to notice.

If your going to do it do it now as it would be less disruptive than if your pulling them from a happy high school setting.

DH and I are happy to move around, we’ve never stayed long in one spot even before we met, but we said once DDs were in high school we wouldn’t move them as we felt it was unfair and far to important for them to feel settled.

Severatwists · 23/09/2024 13:47

We moved with a year 3 and year 1 child after COVID.

It hasn't been plain sailing, we chose a larger two class intake school as it seemed really exciting and we thought there would be a larger pool of children to find friends with. In hindsight I wish we had gone for a smaller school as I think it would have been a warmer more welcoming environment where their classmates had been more forced to join in.

My youngest had a hard time making friends partly because friendships were still at the stage where they were led by the mums getting together and as the mums weren't interested in opening up their group to me, my child was excluded from playdates.

Now in year 3 they are starting to make their own friends independent of their parents and they have a small group forming. But they cried many times over the last two years missing their previous school and home because they felt miserable and wanted to 'go home'. This has led to a lot of guilt for me as I was the driver behind the move to be nearer my family, bigger house, good schools etc.

My older child had a much smoother time despite being more introverted. This may have been because friendships hadn't formed so strongly due to the disruption of lockdowns so the dynamics of moving now may be different. But they quickly found a solid group of friends and have been pretty happy.

We are only 1 hour away from our former home so we have kept in touch with a couple of their key friends as meeting halfway is manageable, but over time the frequency of meet ups is waning. They both still talk about their old home and have been quite unsettled at times, partly because the house we bought needed major renovations so our stuff was in storage and we were in temporary accommodation for several months. I think getting a strong home base early on is very important and looking back I wish we had compromised on our dream home and instead bought a house that was ready to go.

Two years in it finally feels like we are settling, DH and I have both changed jobs to something more local (were hybrid remote working and long commute back to previous area for the first 18 months which was hard).

Volunteering at our children's activities has helped make us more visible in our community but it took over a year of reliably volunteering at my daughter's activity before I felt accepted. I think making friends and acquaintances ourselves is starting to benefit our children as we have finally been invited to a few social things as a family, so I wish we had prioritized this earlier.but there was a lot to manage with the move initially.

Overall, it was still the right move for our family and I can see a much brighter long term future with a safer area and better high school ahead. But i wasn't prepared for how hard it would be to integrate. We always said it was now or never if we had left it much longer it would be harder for the children to have left behind more established groups of friends.

SmileyHappyPeopleInTheSun · 23/09/2024 13:48

We moved England to Wales.

House went in market eldest was end of her year 4 - we got messed around it sold just before end of her year 5. We had to decouple sale supposed to be a week ended up being long summer.

So DD1 was in Y6, DS Y4 and DD2 Y2. I thought given how bad they were at transition and how quiet they could be they'd struggle - none of them did. They started a week late and within month wouldn't have known it.

I think it helped the older years at primary they ended up at had very small year groups - DD1 was one of 12. We looked round two with them first supposedly better school wasn't very welcoming second clearly wanted our kids - so looked round said yes to place and school wanted them in next day even if not got uniform or council paperwork sorted.

Long lead, long summer with family - small classes for older two - Dad/DH around more he'd been working away in week for years and more money - own rooms and larger room for DS - lots to do in new area - and DH and I being very positive as weren't happy in last location all probably helped.

jellybe · 23/09/2024 14:23

I think if you are positive and frame it as a positive they will take their lead from you. We moved when DD was in year 2 at the Christmas and the first week or so of her new school she was a bit nervous but settled in quickly and made some lovely friends.

As a kid I had been to four different schools by the time I was 9 due to my dad's job. Each time it was a new adventure and hasn't scared me for life. 😁

Roserunner · 23/09/2024 14:45

We moved when DC was in year 5 to an area with better secondary schools. We struggled to get a primary school place mid year as all over subscribed but did win our appeal. Then COVID happened!! DC coped really well and settled in with no issues. We don't regret moving them at all.

mondaytosunday · 23/09/2024 20:23

I moved with children in mid Y4 and Y2. 70 miles. It was a wrench and an adjustment but they did adjust. But I do sometimes wonder how it would be if we stayed. But had to move (my DH had died suddenly and I needed a change). Life is like that - things happen and we all cope with it.

Thatsajokeright · 26/09/2024 21:08

mondaytosunday · 23/09/2024 20:23

I moved with children in mid Y4 and Y2. 70 miles. It was a wrench and an adjustment but they did adjust. But I do sometimes wonder how it would be if we stayed. But had to move (my DH had died suddenly and I needed a change). Life is like that - things happen and we all cope with it.

I'm so sorry to hear that. Must've been a wrench for all of you but can see how it necessitated a change of scenery.

OP posts:
Thatsajokeright · 26/09/2024 21:12

LeavesTrees · 23/09/2024 11:07

I’m interested in this too because we are considering the same thing, although my DC are a year or 2 older.

It feels like I’m choosing between mine and my DCs happiness in a way.

This is where I am now; everyone is happy at the moment and it feels selfish to move them.

A friend told me though, 'If you're unhappy where you are now, think how great it would be to show the kids the version of you that's happy' which has helped me reframe things!

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Thatsajokeright · 26/09/2024 21:21

Thanks so much all for your stories. It's been really helpful to hear positive (and not so positive) stories.

OP posts:
papadontpreach2me · 26/09/2024 21:23

I did, everything was fine.

mitogoshigg · 26/09/2024 21:30

Yes, for work, it was fine

AngeloMysterioso · 27/09/2024 05:42

mondaytosunday · 23/09/2024 20:23

I moved with children in mid Y4 and Y2. 70 miles. It was a wrench and an adjustment but they did adjust. But I do sometimes wonder how it would be if we stayed. But had to move (my DH had died suddenly and I needed a change). Life is like that - things happen and we all cope with it.

I would have thought that after suddenly losing their father, what most children would need is constancy and familiarity, not being uprooted and yanked away from everything and everyone they know.

AngeloMysterioso · 27/09/2024 05:51

Thatsajokeright · 26/09/2024 21:12

This is where I am now; everyone is happy at the moment and it feels selfish to move them.

A friend told me though, 'If you're unhappy where you are now, think how great it would be to show the kids the version of you that's happy' which has helped me reframe things!

Sure, my mum got to be the version of herself that was happy I guess. The cost of that was her children’s happiness, security and sense of belonging. Also massively impacted my and my sibling’s connection to my father’s side of my family, and in the end it cost her her relationship with my sibling. But she was ultimately a selfish woman so it was a price she was willing to pay to get what she wanted!

Thatsajokeright · 27/09/2024 06:40

AngeloMysterioso · 27/09/2024 05:51

Sure, my mum got to be the version of herself that was happy I guess. The cost of that was her children’s happiness, security and sense of belonging. Also massively impacted my and my sibling’s connection to my father’s side of my family, and in the end it cost her her relationship with my sibling. But she was ultimately a selfish woman so it was a price she was willing to pay to get what she wanted!

I know you're against it, you've made that clear but my circumstances are very different to yours.

I'm grateful you've shared your experiences but you've made your point now.

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