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Original poster

How to navigate being NC with inlaws

55 replies

ICarriedTheWatermelon · 19/09/2024 12:36

My DH very recently told his parents about our relationship issues/arguements including very personal things. I feel utterly betrayed.
This in turn was used against me in some really nasty, unwarranted phone calls sticking up for their son, resulting in me crying and having a panic attack. I never said one unkind word back. I could barely speak through tears. They were relentless on the phone, despite knowing I’m pregnant and upset The issues stem from me not moving on from a betrayal of my DH to me fast enough for their liking, so I’m already hurting enough without them being so unkind.

I have decided to go NC, and DH hasn’t shown any signs of being upset over how they talked to me, although he agreed they were in the wrong. He just want us all to move on and be friends.

He went around last night had a cup of tea, and I feel betrayed all over again. I thought he was going around to stand up for me, and voice how hurt I was. But he did not.

On one hand, I don’t want to get in the way of a relationship with his mum and dad, but I feel incredibly hurt that he could sit in a room with them, knowing how badly they had treated me early the same day.

He seems to be wanting to go around to see them more than usual since it happened. He wants to go again tonight, and said “I’m sure you don’t want to be controlling and stop me seeing my parents”.

I feel so conflicted - I don’t want him to not see them, but it also hurts so much.

How do I navigate this?

OP posts:

BrownEyedBiscuit2716 · 25/09/2024 20:07

Fraaahnces · 19/09/2024 13:30

This relationship is dead. He has betrayed you three times in a short period of time. Move back to family and friends. Also, I WOULD stand in their way when it comes to your baby. They will do everything they can to poison this kid against you. Your DH is a deplorable husband.

You can't deny contact to the baby! It will cause SO many issues and a horrid legal battle!

However, you can insist any visits are arranged by going through the proper channels and supervised, maybe in a contact centre.

I believe in this instance they should be supervised from Day 1 but ensure to stick to all agreements otherwise they will hold that against you. So long as you are reasonable, the court cannot take issue over it x

Lml199 · 26/09/2024 19:18

Ah, come on. He confided in his parents. I’d understand if your ‘betrayal’ related to an affair, but talking through issues with those closest to him…no. Have you ever mentioned these ‘issues’ to a friend?? Either way, he didn’t do much wrong. However, they were bang out of order to contact you. I also would not have taken that well. I’d probably go NC too, but expecting my husband to do same would be a step too far. Wishing you both all the very best with the new baby.

Psychobabblist · 28/09/2024 09:11

I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I would be questioning where he goes when he says he is with mummy dearest. Telling you not to be controlling is a good manipulation tactic to get you out of his way. And since you won’t call his parents, he could go anywhere unchecked.
you need a strong support system around. Immediately

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Mankala · 28/09/2024 22:48

DearDenimEagle · 24/09/2024 23:41

My first OH always put his parents before me and the children. If you imagine a ladder, they were top rung , he was second, then came everything else including dogs, the land, his guns, the cars. The kids and I were onthe bottom rung. Never changed. 20 years.
I left. Should have left 20 years earlier at the first sign.

Cheating…once a cheat, always a cheat. They say it’s a mistake. No. It is a choice. Marriage without the full support of the spouse is not a marriage worth having. In my experience and I had 2.

We only have one life and you can’t go back. You need to think hard what kind of life and marriage you want.

How do you know the betrayal was cheating? Op has not said what the betrayal was. Or what her husband said to his parents. We have very limited context here.

I have spoken to my parents about issues with my husband. That was because he was behaving awfully at the time and was verbally abusive.

DearDenimEagle · 29/09/2024 10:53

Mankala · 28/09/2024 22:48

How do you know the betrayal was cheating? Op has not said what the betrayal was. Or what her husband said to his parents. We have very limited context here.

I have spoken to my parents about issues with my husband. That was because he was behaving awfully at the time and was verbally abusive.

Show quote history

Sorry, I think there was a post suggesting he might be, triggering the thought. My bad. once a betrayer, always a betrayer. You can’t change people who think what they are doing is ok. He is used to confiding in parents and he will always confide in parents. You have to get used to it, or not.

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