“Don’t worry, he’s friendly”

[BigJean]

This should probably be in The Doghouse, but I’d really like to hear from people who probably don’t go there.

I know on MN that everyone is a perfect dog owner with their dogs properly under control, but I also know that in real life there are far too many people who don’t. If you are one of those people I’d love to hear your reasoning. Namechange for anonymity if you want.

My dog is reactive, for lots of reasons, and I am successfully working on it and every month is better than the last. She is a large dog, and as such could easily kill another dog if provoked enough to do so (she’s not a bully breed, she’s walked with a muzzle but could still damage another dog). I am a responsible owner, I have her under control.

Every week I come across at least two other dog walkers who don’t have any control over their dogs. They run up to people, dogs, horses, children and leap around whilst the owner calls it pointlessly, and cries out “it’s ok he’s friendly”. It’s not ok.

This behaviour enhances my dogs reactivity, it sets her back every time. I have a yellow “nervous dog” coat and collar, they don’t give a shit.

I put my phone on to film every time, because I’m very aware that if anything happened to another dog mine would be blamed, even though I’m doing everything I can possibly do to manage it, and it’s the friendly dog’s owner who is being irresponsible.

Please, come and tell me why you do this, and tell me what you would do if your dog was killed by a reactive dog because you haven’t kept your dog on a lead or taught it effective recall.

Has anyone actually answered the question yet, or is that the same old comments that these type of posts usually attract?

Agree with op

Bingo might be friendly at home, but with a new person/child/ another dog, not so much

You've missed the point! OP has trained their dog so this doesn't happen.

Hysterical response .

I don't have a dog, but from my point of view you are being totally reasonable in not wanting other people's mutts to bother either you or your dog.

Honestly, the sheer number of times I've had some random dog run up to me when I'm out for a walk, and whose owner says "Don't worry, he won't hurt you" or similar when I ask them to control their dog. I don't care whether he's friendly. I don't want to make friends. I don't want it jumping up at me and covering me with muddy paw prints, or shoving its nose in my crotch. I just want it to fuck off and leave me alone!!

I let mine run free in parks, the woods etc (not on the Street).
I do say he's friendly - and most people say oh mine is friendly too. I am aware someone may say - 'oh mine isn't sorry, can you call your dog'....and I would immediately call him and put on the lead to go past.
As my dog has brilliant recall this is what I do. I think that's ok?

I hate these people.
I have a very friendly dog who is normally on a long line.
When I get one of these "friendly" dogs want to play I shorten her line and walk away fast.

I love the dogs who then follow and the owners who complain they've walked further than they wanted to. I point out it's not my job to have their dog under control 🤷😁

Please, come and tell me why you do this, and tell me what you would do if your dog was killed by a reactive dog because you haven’t kept your dog on a lead or taught it effective recall.

The fact is, OP, the sort of people who let their dog with no recall off the lead are the sort of people who don't care about their dog. So they're unlikely to appear on this thread and tell you what you want to hear.

TBH I think that a dog shouldn't be off lead unless it is 100% under control. That means it walks next to you the entire time with the exception of the odd stop to sniff. If you need to cal your dog back from someone, it's not under control - because it should never have gotten to that point in the first place. Just because it doesn't make contact with another dog or person, doesn't mean it hasn't caused damage to that dogs confidence or scared that person.

Sadly people continue to believe that if their dog 20/30 foot away it is under their control and it's okay if their dog is closer to another dog or another person than it is to it's owner. It's not okay. But people are thick.

"You've missed the point! OP has trained their dog so this doesn't happen.

Hysterical response ."

"Hysterical"? Hardly 😂

I haven't missed the point. He needs recalling from doing something he couldn't do on a lead.

A friend and I were having a picnic a few months ago in a wooded area with our toddlers. A huge dog suddenly ran out of the trees and made a bee-line for our picnic. Cue the usual "he's friendly" from the ineffective owner as our toddlers screamed with fright and dog helped himself to the available food. The only thing that actually got the silly twit running over to retrieve her dog was when I shouted "please control your dog. Those are chocolate cupcakes and he shouldn't be eating them". It would have been comical were it not that I was actually quite concerned for the dog (I like dogs and he seemed a good-natured if somewhat rowdy fellow). She left with the dog looking very worried.

People need to be more careful with their dogs, especially when there are other dogs and food around. That's not the first time we've had a picnic interrupted and I regularly bake with dried fruit or sugar substances that are toxic for dogs.

Ah I’ve heard this so many times and it really gets my back up! I only have a small dog but she doesn’t like other dogs, particularly large ones, especially when they run up to her (she was attacked on a walk as a pup and has been skittish since) I keep her on the lead as I know she won’t react well to other dogs.

When other dogs come bounding over to her she gets scared, she’ll cower or her hackles go up, she’ll try and move but inevitably growls, then when I move her I get the ‘oh don’t worry he/she is friendly’ well my dog fucking isn’t and you don’t know that!! 🤬🤬

I see a lot of dogs off lead who are great, usually spaniels or labs with no interest in mine and totally ignore her, or I’ll see responsible owners recall their dogs or keep them still/put them on the lead until we pass. This is what should be done more.

There seem to get an unofficial rule around where I live, that if you see a dog on the lead, you put your dog on their lead, or pull them to your side.

i am guilty of saying ‘he’s friendly’ (black lab) but he usually on the lead, and I don’t let the dogs meet until I have permission from other owner. However, he’s can be nervous so will cower rather than be aggressive.

i do notice the worst aggressive dogs are tge little ones - schiz tu, jack russells, etc

I was bitten by a dog off a lead whilst out running, the owner seemed surprised and said that it had never done that before. It then ran off and the owner couldn’t catch it - it ran back up to me and my reflex reaction was to tell it to sit, which it did, the owner returned and said, see she’s friendly usually!

I didn’t take any action, partly because I didn’t realise how bad the bite was until I got home because it was through leggings and probably shock too, but also because I felt that the dog was anxious rather than aggressive. I was fine once the bite had healed but it could have been different if it had been a child, or if I had reacted differently when it ran back to me.

I am terrified of dogs. (Childhood event)

I try to avoid - but they're bloody everywhere.
If a dog jumps on me. I will absolutely remove it as physically as necessary if shouting doesn't work. . As violently as necessary. If it bites me - I will do everything in my power to have it put to sleep.

Keep your dogs on leads in public.

I always reply
”mines not friendly, unpredictable since the brain tumor …. That’s why he’s on a lead”
smile

btw- if your dog is on a lead, and other dog/dogs are not. And yours bites, even tho on lead … you are at fault. Mine, golden retriever, got swarmed by 8 off lead working cocker's (game keepers wife had all 8, not home-domesticated, cockers out on a country lane … mine on lead and was swarmed. She couldn’t prove that her dogs slightly bit tongue was fault of mine …. But she tried. It wasn’t apparent at the meet up, she noticed bleeding tongue at the kennels later. The game-bitch claimed she had vet bills. Etc. wanted cash. I got a lawyer & she backed down-lack of evidence.

I thought I was in the right. Dog on lead. But lawyer explained I was not correct. Hers were “not under control” but blamed mine for the bite. I didn’t think my dog bit her dog tongue - no one saw any bite, mine growled and snapped & I backed off w him, hers kept coming at us.
The dog that bites is the one “ not under control”

Op, I go through this all of the time with my lovely collie, who is fear reactive particularly on the lead. He is usually off the lead because I have excellent control over him, and because of the lead reactivity. Nearly every day I get badly trained 'friendly' dogs harassing us.

The advice I would give is to not focus on what these people are doing and focus on what you can do. As much as it sucks they will never understand, and they will never change. You can't reason with them and it will just make you feel worse.

These things have really helped me and my dog:

1. Teach your dog a cue/game to make them focus on you completely. Use a word like 'look!!' and chuck chicken at them. Run about and get all their attention on you/a ball/whatever. Make them associate this word with giving them all of your attention.
2. Don't engage or focus on the off lead dog and their owner. If your god is like mine, chasing the other dog off, shouting, etc will make it worse. Your dog will want to defend you or will pick up on your stress. Just focus on moving away safely and quickly. Put your phone away - having one hand and looking at your phone means you can't give your dog your full attention. If you can't get away then you can use method 1 to help your dog not engage with the off lead dog.
3. Work on desensitisation with your dog. When you see dogs, point them out and give them all the chicken/ball/whatever they love. If you are lucky you will start to associate dogs with good things. Start at a fair distance and start to increase this. But if this doesn't work, don't pressurise your dog.
4. Pick other places or times to walk. You will not win this battle - if your dog cannot cope with off lead dogs even with the above or other training then you just have to take them elsewhere. You will never change these people and you will continue to be stressed and be put in crappy situations. I know it's not your fault, but unfortunately that doesn't change the situation.
5. Be hyper-aware of the location and behaviour of other dogs. Walk in open spaces where you can get away and your dog won't be trapped. If you see a dog in the distance, change your direction. Just get out of there and get your dog focussed on you.

With all of the above my reactive dog can ignore 90% of incoming "He$ fr!EndLY🤡!!!" encounters and he now looks at me for his ball. Unless it's a large intact male dog, in which case I would have clocked it and left.

Of course we still have issues and run ins and I do ask the owners to recall. But generally, the ones who are letting their dog come up to yours won't be able to recall their dog, which is why focussing on what YOU can do is the best option you have. You CANNOT rely on people to get their dog or fix the situation and be believing so you are losing the precious time and space you need to get your dog away.

I'm really sorry you have to deal with this, but just focus on what you can do. Venting is fine and helpful but sadly won't fix it.

Pictures of my boy living his best life because why not

Our dog is OK with a well behaved hello from another dog, a quick sniff when off lead and she's good. She doesn't like on lead hellos. She rarely likes a bigger dog. She 99% of the time will ignore a dog unless it comes up.

A bigger dog bouncing up to her is going to get short shrift.

Then the little git for the first time ever bounded up to a dog wearing a yellow 'I'm a nervous dog' coat and that appeared round the corner out of nowhere on a walk. Little git. Had to grab her.

@Stripeysuitcase What gorgeous pics! Particularly love the action shot 🏊🏻‍♂️

There are a couple of people around where I live who walk their dogs off lead whose dogs are plain and simply nasty. Their dogs growl, chase and look like they are going to attack other dogs who are well-behaved. (From another well-known app I'm sure one of them is actually a biter of other dogs.) Their owners then start blaming the other dogs owners forgetting there are witnesses to their shitty behaviour.

Oh and the last idiot who said their dog was "friendly" to me, dog now wears a muzzle. If your dog is actually friendly they are minding their own business and have no interest in me.

Do you fail to understand English?

My dog is 13 and have never ever failed to recall. If he did he wouldn't be off lead.

Do not tar me with the same brush. My dog goes off lead in areas he is allowed to.

What, sniffing?

YANBU OP. "Friendly" dogs are the reason I have two DC who hate dogs.

No issue with dogs off lead btw, as long as they don't approach others.

'friendly' dogs are the worst. At least if you see a dog with a lead/harness and muzzle you know the owner is proactive about any issues.
The 'friendly' ones tend to be owned by people with no idea about dogs and so they wind up letting their dogs be bullies.

I had 3 perfectly normal dogs and the 4th turned out to be a headcase! He is never off lead in public and never walked in areas dogs are allowed off lead.
However he is also the size of a breadbin so rando's with 'friendly' dogs are often assuring me that their rude, pushy dog is safe.

no...its not safe if it gets too near my pint sized tasmanian devil! Not everybody loves dogs, even alot of dog owners dont love all breeds so people need to take some responsibility.

I think part of the problem is that people don't know what a friendly/well socialised dog looks like.

A friendly well socialised dog doesn't go up to every dog it sees. They generally ignore other dogs and are also able to read the body language of others. If a dog is going up to every dog it sees it hasn't been raised/trained by either people or other dogs to read social cues.

If I were to go up to every person in a park who wasn't on their phone and talk to them, and then not leave them alone when they asked me to, I wouldn't be socialising well. Likewise if my child ran up to every kid and started trying to join in on their game, hug them and then steal their toy, they wouldn't actually be a friendly child. They would be considered to be unable to read social cues and control themselves in social situations, so as a mother I would step in and prevent that behaviour. And if that was in a playground and another mother came up and asked me to stop my child from stealing their kid's toy, I wouldn't just say that it's fair play because she's in a place where other children are also playing.

Dogs, like people, also have different personalities and likes and dislikes. My dog is a collie so he wants to 'work' independently and doesn't want to engage with other dogs. Other dogs are completely different and want to run around and play. That's ok, but not if their owners insist that my dog should also want to do that. So if one of those dogs repeatedly tries to enforce their way of playing on my dog, that's not ok. And if my dog repeatedly tells the other dog to go away and doesn't get the message, my dog will put the message across more strongly by snapping, and eventually possibly biting that dog. I don't want that to happen, so if a dog repeatedly does this, I'll ask the owner to recall it. And if they can't recall it, then we may have a problem. And again that is the fault of the poorly socialised dog and now of the owner who has the responsibility to control it in a public place.

My dog is entitled to be off lead because I have excellent control over him, and if I didn't, I'd put him on the lead. He won't approach another dog, and he can be approached by other well specialised and well meaning dogs, but he doesn't want to be harassed or dominated. And that is often what 'friendly' dogs are doing.

He's a good boy. Our walks are about following different cues to go left and right, jump on and over things, do flips off trees, etc. in the absence of sheep this is his 'job' and he loves it! But it's a strictly solo venture and he finds other dogs irritating.

i understand your plight entirely. I have dog who prefers her space. But just from the other point of view. I have walked with people with very “friendly” dogs in busy ish woodland walks. And they go say hi to everyone and are well received by everyone and we have a nice chat with the owners and it is a lovely walk/social experience. I think they just forget and aren’t in that frame of mind. They are used to walking in places where the vast vast majority of dogs are friendly and happy for a quick sniff. So it just doesn’t occur to them.

so I think maybe more awareness about this is the way forward. Via social media etc. I see a lot of people who do raise this issue so hopefully it will change peoples mindset