Missing my mum

[Needmymum]

My mum passed away 11 years ago, I was only in my 20s.

Life is busy, I have a beautiful family now and am very lucky in many ways.

But it's just hit me today how much I miss her and just how much it sucks to not have her in my corner. Friends and even partners can come and go, no-one can replace a mother.

I am tired of doing life on my own and my poor DC missing out on the most kind, warm and loving person they could have met.

I'm not sure why it's hit me today specifically but it feels very lonely, handhold to anyone else in this crappy situation.

My mum passed away 30 years ago when I was 29. It would have been her birthday today. Even now, having lived longer without her than with her, there isn't a day goes by I don't think about her. It's tough isn't it?

I'm so so sorry for your loss.

I really don't think it's ever possible to really 'get over' that heart break. I'm pregnant with my first baby and so devastated they'll never meet my lovely dad who would have been the best grandad. I was 30 when i lost him.

Here's a handhold to you. Xx

Big hugs to you op and all of those who have lost a much loved parent . 🤗❤

Thank you all, your messages brought a tear to my eye.

They do say grieving isn't a linear process but I never expected just how up and down it is. For me it definitely hit me all over again during pregnancy and when DC were born, it can be a tough time, so I'm thinking of you @Happyharper and congratulations on your pregnancy.

Special thoughts @Anjelika on your mum's birthday. I was also 29 when my DM passed.

DH's parents have also passed away, so grief is all around in our family. Thank god for my amazing siblings.

My mum died 8 years ago when I was 55. I still miss her all the time, and there are things I want to tell and show her.

My grandmother started talking quite a lot about her parents when she was in her late 90s. She died at 105, and her mother died in the 1960s which was around 60 years earlier, so obviously she never forgot her.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I was the a similar age when my Mum died and I thought of her with terrible sadness every single day for many years. Nowadays she is more of a happy memory than a cause of tears, but it took a long time.

I was 23 when my mum died and I truly feel I have never got over it. I don't think anyone who knows me really understands the impact it has had on me. It's over 20 years ago now and my mum feels so long ago, it's sometimes like she was never here at all, it just all feels like a lifetime ago. Like you she never met my husband or my grandchildren and my life feels full of what ifs.

For me it has been a complex journey. I do think that losing a mother especially is life changing.

That should say she never met my husband or my children.

I still miss my mum, I think of her all the time. It hurts that she never got to see her grandson. It was especially hard when he was young. I lost her 20 years ago. It got easier I suppose but I miss her still and envy others who have their mums around. for you OP.

Hugs to us all. Losing a parent is incredibly hard 😔

I really miss my Dad, think about him every day, usually happy memories or funny things I'd like to tell him about, but every now and then I'm floored by grief, something difficult happens and I want a hug from my Dad.

I try to give my DD the same unconditional love he gave me, I can't think of a better way of marking his life.

So many of us 😥your messages really resonate.

10 years, 20 years, all seems such a long time yet it doesn't change how terribly we miss our loved ones.

@buidhe I envy others so much too. It blows my mind how it seems that everyone around me still has their mum around when I haven't had mine for over a decade. 😭

I could have written this. My mum fought an awful illness for a very long time and she was so brave that in the aftermath I was determined to be like her and not let it define me. I pretended well for the first year or so.

But it has changed me profoundly, at my very core. I live a happy, full life but at my core I have a deep rooted fear, unsettledness, overhwelm, anxiety that just never fully goes away. I feel very vulnerable as I know my biggest support and comfort isnt here anymore.

I also sometimes feel like it was so long ago I barely remember her, that it was in a different life entirely.

So complex. It is truly life changing. Hugs.

My mum died 4 years ago when I was 37 (with a two and nearly four year old), but she had had dementia for at least 15 years, so it felt like I lost her a lot sooner.

If I'm perfectly honest, she was also an alcoholic during my teen years, and although she was never abusive (though never stood up to my dad who was also an alcoholic and verbally/emotional abusive), I hated not being able to have a proper conversation with her of an evening and then when the effects of the alcohol and/or dementia kicked in, nor in the daytime. And our relationship never really recovered from that.

But I mourn the mum I had as a child; she was so maternal, selfless, patient, loving and playful. In that respect, she was a better (more natural, if I'm being kind to myself) mum than I am. And I would have loved to have seen her like that with my own children.

❤️

I think if you lose a Mum early in your life, other people can't truly empathise with you because they've not lost theirs. It's only years later that they understand how it feels. I was 41, 11 years ago. Then my Dad died of a broken heart 3 years after her.

For me, my Mum was the person who held the family together. The one who made great Sunday meals with two desserts and lots of double cream. I miss the banter around the table and feel sad that she never got to see her Grandchildren grow up into the wonderful treasures they are today.

Sending you a big empathetic, (yes, it's a truly rubbish situation) hug.

I don’t think anyone ever really gets over losing their mum. I still wish I could phone her and talk through my day and issues with her and she’s been gone for more than 7 years.
I keep hoping it gets easier with time, but I don’t think it’ll happen.
Commiserations to everyone in this scenario 💐

I got an old handbag out today and there was one of my mum’s scarves in there. Made me abit teary , still miss her after all the years.

My DM died when I was 23. 30+ years on and it still sometimes hits me like a train, despite DH, DC, happy life etc etc.

It has got easier with time. The deeply unsettled feeling does wear off, but the grief never quite goes.

I'm so sorry. I'm just about to lose my Mum to cancer and the thought of living the rest of my life without her is absolutely terrifying me. I am 31 with two young children, the pain I feel now before she has even gone is crippling so I can't imagine how I will cope when she's actually gone and I can't go and see her or speak to her, or laugh with her or moan to her.
Hand hold from me and just know you are never alone although I know sometimes it may feel that way, you really aren't. This to shall pass.

Oh I'm so sorry to read all of these and especially for you @mistymirror - sending you strength.

I lost my DM 2 yrs ago after a long battle with dementia - I was 37 with 2 small children. I actually had a good cry about her this morning and I don't even know why - sometimes it just hits me when I'm least expecting it. I feel like I never really had time to mourn her and yet we were so close before her illness. Breaks my heart thinking about her.

its really tough loosimg your mum. i lost mine ages 9, then had an evil step mum who beat the crap out of me till i walked out aged 16 ! ..lifes shit at times but you make the best of it
..i wont go into.the rest of my shit life but ive done ok x...mums are always with us xx

Sorry for your loss, it is good to hear the unsettled feeling might wear off, sometimes it feels like it's getting worse rather than better 😥

Really feel for PPs who lost their mum while their children were small. It feels so unfair that my mum never met my DC but i can't imagine having had to deal with grief while my children were small either 😥

@mistymirror I am so sorry, you are in the really tough bit, I send you lots of love and strength. I can't bear to think about those days but do feel proud for getting through them.

@hattieho sorry you've had a tough day today. Strange how it sometimes hits for no apparent reason.

@Angran1 I can't imagine what you went through at such a young age, you sound really strong.

i dont wish loosing a mum on anybody...i had to grow up quick...childhood just wasnt a thing i had. x

I lost my mum in my 20s, nearly 20 years ago. I still miss her terribly, but the crashing waves of grief that completely stop you in your tracks do mercifully spread out a bit, and you can enjoy the happier memories too. Someone wise said to me you don't "get over" the grief, but you do develop the muscles to carry the weight of it, and I think that's true.