Party help - who is AIBU

[partypooper25]

Name changed for this.
Fully accept this is first world problems.

We moved into our forever home just before pandemic. It was a full Reno job of which we are very proud. For obvious reasons we never had a house warming party and decided to do this at Xmas time (five years late by hey ho).

We regularly have people round for drinks and person A generally ensures that guests have drinks and snacks. Person B rarely offers guests these things and chats to guests.

Person A suggested for said Xmas drinks we ask the teenage boys we saw at a friends party to help. Boys were paid to take coats, lay out food and clear away and top up drinks. They did a great job and hosts could talk to guests. Person B says this is excessive and not necessary and they will help.

Who is right? To add, money not really a factor here

You’re cleary person A. I bet they’re other areas in your life where person B sits back and let you do more than them.

If you can afford it, why not? I would find it a bit weird and overkill as a guest though, I've never been to a party in someone's home where they've had paid help.

Way too formal .... you want your guests relaxed and happy

Sounds a bit weird. When we have friends over, everyone knows treat our house like their house, and everyone helps themselves to drinks through the night after serving the first one.

Person A is being very a bit weird.

Interesting responses so far.

It's September, does it matter? Why are you arguing about this 9 months later? Or is there a other party?

If your Xmas do had lots of people you'd not seen in ages and was quite fancy, people dressed up etc the. I could see it working and making life easier
If it was 6 of you, two courses then sat on the sofa in your comfiest clothes then yeah, overkill

For next party I'd say fine,, you lead and I'll back you up. Any failure and I hire the kids in future

I often have help for parties - someone to pass canapés, top up glasses, clear tables. It means I can relax and talk to everyone. Go for it, I say!

When person A points out to person B that parties are just not as enjoyable for them as they are hosting rather than relaxing, what is person B’s response?

Sounds like a great idea.

Elevates the vibe of the party, which is a good thing. We don't all want to live to the "grab your own drink" lowest common denominator.

I'd go for it.

Set up a gorgeous open bar with everything your guests need and they can help themselves. I find most people much prefer that anyway as they don't have to wait for or bother their host for a drink. It also creates a much more relaxed, enjoyable atmosphere. When your guests arrive, show them to the bar and instruct them to help themselves.

I had a big birthday not long after divorcing and my siblings offered to help. BiL is in the Service Industry and arranged for someone to come and sort coats, clear plates , stack dishwasher etc. while siblings manned the barbecue. It was just wonderful. Once everyone had left I just put the DC to bed and sat down: all the surfaces were clear and wiped down, bin bags by the back door, dishwasher thrumming away.

Let partner A book someone. Even if you don't 'need' it. It is such a treat. I heartily recommend it.

But we don't all want to host a self-serve situation. Not everyone lives so casually.

I think if it will enable person A to just chill and enjoy the party more rather than running themselves ragged hosting while person B socialises, then go for it. And explain exactly why to person B when they complain about it.

It depends on the size of the party. If the teenage boys seem to enjoy it and want the extra cash, then why not?

I personally wouldn't feel the need as I always take the lead when hosting at first, but then everyone just helps themselves at drinks/ buffet parties.

I'd say having a bartender would be pretty handy if it was like 20 plus people. We did have a lodger that liked doing that role. Probably mainly to ensure his own ample free access to the booze!

I don't see what the harm is particularly. As long as you don't make the poor sods wear tuxedos and bow ties. Or togas with sandals?! And pay them living wage or more if it is a paid gig.

Person A made a decision to host a party a certain way. It worked for them so it doesn't matter if randoms on mumsnet would do it differently.

Person B sounds like a PITA if they brought it up nine months later.

How many guests are attending your party? For a 20 plus house warming, elevated Christmas drinks party the touch of hired staff would be lovely imo
It's not just a having friends over for drinks occasion so why not make it extra special and at the same time help some enterprising young men increase their client base.

Unless your lazy husband/partner (assuming B is a man) is going to take on all the hosting duties instead.

You can't have a housewarming 5 years later at christmas. Just have a christmas party.

Person B is wonderful. But oblivious. Person A's experience of the party would be very different to person B's. Person A would just be doing catering, opening doors, getting coats etc

Likely to be 50 ish people incl kids

We’ve done this before for a drinks/sit down meal for 15 or so guests, it was lovely and well worth the money IMO. We supplied the spirits etc and the “staff” made cocktails and other drinks to order. Wouldn’t hesitate to do it again.

I'd definitely do it for a party pf more than about 25 people (our house isn't big enough so this is hypothetical). I've been to a few parties where the hosts have had caterers, and other staff to serve drinks, tidy up etc and it really does add to the sense of occasion even if the hosts are very chilled and you'd help yourself to drinks in their house at other times.

50 people?!? No hesitation whatsoever! Get the help. Get someone to run the bar too.

It is a Christmas party not really a housewarming but it is the first time we have hosted a large party

Does person A want to chat rather than looking after guests? If so, and since money is no object to I think it’s fine to hire some help.

If B completely disagrees, then put drinks on a table and ensures snacks are also out for guests to help themselves. Then A needs to ensure B picks up the slack and not fall into the trap of being polite and doing it regardless.

I think you have misread the OP. The Xmas party hasn't happened. She saw the teen boys in action at another party.