Party help - who is AIBU

[partypooper25]

Name changed for this.
Fully accept this is first world problems.

We moved into our forever home just before pandemic. It was a full Reno job of which we are very proud. For obvious reasons we never had a house warming party and decided to do this at Xmas time (five years late by hey ho).

We regularly have people round for drinks and person A generally ensures that guests have drinks and snacks. Person B rarely offers guests these things and chats to guests.

Person A suggested for said Xmas drinks we ask the teenage boys we saw at a friends party to help. Boys were paid to take coats, lay out food and clear away and top up drinks. They did a great job and hosts could talk to guests. Person B says this is excessive and not necessary and they will help.

Who is right? To add, money not really a factor here

I used to be the teenager in this set up, I loved doing it, easy money, quite fun and doesn't need to make it formal! I did everything from christenings to wakes, house warnings at rugby clubs, village halls, people's houses (ordinary ones and very fancy ones) , I found once one person in a social group did it I would get calls from others in the same group who thought it was a great idea.

Sounds wonderful to have paid help. You'll be free to chat. Great.

Set out a help yourself bar and a snack buffet is fine. A more formal do with waiters is also fine. There’s no unreasonable, it’s just 2 different styles of party.

I love going to parties where there are teens (or proper waiting staff) circulating with drinks and canapés as it means I don't have to interrupt a conversation to go & get a drink or avoid people I don't want to talk to who are between me and the drinks

50 people? I'd love to see your house!

50 people - hell yes, I'd pay for some help.

If you can afford it then go for it. I’ve been to parties with a similar number of guests who have done this I presume so they can enjoy themselves. If you need to justify it, think of it as giving some teens some extra cash for
Christmas.

A bit over the top.

What size party/house? I would find this odd unless we're talking 50+ people in a large house and garden.

This kind of complementary relationship would totally work for me! I love being person A, and would love to have a person B who did all the glad handing and social wheel oiling. And yes, I'm the guest in the kitchen at other people's parties!

Obviously my post is no help to you at all 😂

Is there any way that Person B can have a trial run? Can you have friends round to dinner and leave all the organising and hosting to Person B and see how they do?

Go for it. It doesn’t impact person B it won’t change their experience of the evening one bit. They don’t see it as necessary because all of that stuff is done by the host fairy.

whereas for person A it will make the evening hugely more relaxing and enjoyable so IMO in this scenario where there is no detrimental impact to B but a benefit to A, then B doesn’t get a vote because otherwise what they’re saying is that they don’t believe A deserves to have a relaxing evening with friends and family and should in fact do all of the work.

i dont think it sounds over the top, presumably it’s just teens in smart casual. Not full silver service waiters

Teens would not be expected to dress up in any way - likely wear hoodies.
They are known on the street as 'odd jobbers' and do weeding drives, basic gardening for cash and helped at the neighbours summer party.

We have had three families over in the last fortnight and person A has hosted entirely on the night. Person A would prefer chatting ..

You're person A

Hire some butlers in the buff instead

Yes definitely! The teens will appreciate the cash in the run up to Christmas which is a good use of your money.

@5475878237NC, I would say for anything beyond 20. For 20 plus, I would at least have someone to run a bar and perhaps catering. For 50 plus, I definitely would, plus enough people to pass canapés, plus maybe a string quartet. (Entertaining is part of my job - so these would sometimes be events for donors, parents, or colleagues, for example. I wouldn't have someone if it was, say, six couples joining us for dinner).

Yes obviously I am person A
Yes DH is definitely a believer in the host fairy and will arrive 5 mins before having people round with everything sorted . Some of this is to do with work patterns but he isn't organised and wouldn't ever think - right this weekend I need to get drinks or snacks for our guests.
When people are round, I think it comes from an extreme form of politeness. I can't stop this conversation to help and will get cross at me for the rude interruptions in their conversation.
Don't know why he doesn't offer drinks to people who he is talking to with empty glasses though.
We are at an impasse this morning. He definitely doesn't want the boys and says he will be better.
We all quite like the idea of the party but the reality is - even with him being better - it will be tonnes of work for me. Ho hum

PS he didn't even notice the boys at the other party which is interesting in itself

Maybe I will just go for the bulters

We used to have a huge bonfire party, which is possibly the easiest party to do, we had a small marquee/large gazebo for food and drink, and just served potato pie or cheese and onion. We had a huge pan of mulled wine simmering on a camp stove and beers just got stacked on a table. But I still paid a couple of teenagers for a couple of hours to dish out the pie while I ran the pies from the oven to the table. It really helped. So I vote yes.

If B isn't doing the work why was he even consulted on the arrangements?

In my circle it’s common to do this if there are a decent number of people and the helpers are a godsend, they make the party so much more enjoyable for the hosts and mean very minimal clearing up the next day.

A friend who holds a big Christmas bash every year does this. I think it's a great idea. It gives you at least half a chance of enjoying your own party and if you've already seen these lads work well that's even better. Good luck OP hope you have a great time

I'm going to suggest a smaller social event in the next couple of weeks at which A does the cooking, sets the table and serves dinner only. A 'works to rule' while smiling, chatting and doing the dinner will be unnoticed by guests as long as B does B's job; coats, drinks, clearing up.
A has 2 months to train B to the teen's role. If B cannot grasp the task by middle of November then it will be appropriate to call in the professionals (teens).