What would you do !! Honest opinions, need help..

[Gifgaf]

Me & DH due to have our 3rd child but we live in a 2 bed apartment but in a VERY affluent area with literally everything within a few minutes range. We are both extremely attached to where we live and love it here. Just to add this is a housing association and we do have the right to buy.

I am constantly looking to the future and how to better ourselves, whereas I find DH lacks heavily in this. We are in a potential Homeswap to a less affluent area (very different to what we have) but it's a big house and rent is cheaper.

Me & DH are now arguing because he is not keen on the area and says we shouldn't move and although I agree with him, the space would be extremely handy. My long term plan would be to save up and either buy that home or save more and buy back into where we live currently (could be years).

Honest opinions, what would you do considering all the points I mentioned or if anyone can provide some advice.

I am struggling to get an intellectual conversion out of my DH about a plan rather than just complaining.

Did you really not discuss this and decide before deciding to have a third baby while there were already four of you in a two bed?

Personally I'd choose location. And not have a third baby probably.

This. With bells on. What on earth were you thinking?!

3 children in a 2 bed could be very stressful, but not impossible. If it was my choice, I would move. Children only get bigger.

When I say probably I mean DEFINITELY

If you buy this flat in the desirable area can you then sell it. Then buy somewhere in a cheaper areal

Don’t move to a cheaper location. You’ll never be able to afford to move back.

How easy will it be to buy with 3 dependants (possibly nursery fees etc) even with right to buy? Can you afford to pay for repairs as well as a mortgage?

3rd was a little surprise and hence the panic and rush around it all. However, if you're suggesting aborting my baby, that will never be an option regardless.

I am leaning on location also but the house is very beautiful also 😩

My apartment is not the biggest/ but also not the tiniest so can defo make it work somehow. However, my long term plan is to eventually move out of an apartment, it's just the location that's really holding us back. I am genuinely worried about making a decision I can no longer take back.

I would think having an appropriately sized home would be paramount at this stage in your lives. Three children in a two bed flat is just not untenable.

I mean that wouldn't be a bad idea, I would need to get an evaluation done and see if we can even afford it. However, I always hear horror stories of people who buy apartments and then get slapped with a huge bill because they decide to do works in the building.

A bit late to say that a third baby in such circumstances isn't a great plan to better yourselves and your prospects as that ship has sailed. If you move now, you'll never afford to move back.
Three children in two bedroom will be tight, could you and DH consider sleeping longer term in a pull out bed in the living room when the children are older and need more living space? My DH has fond memories of him and his 4 older brothers in one bedroom, in the 1970s/80s and they are still close knit.

It's not the best position and I genuinely get that. I have thought that if we don't move, I'll just swap rooms with the kids as my room is quite decent and larger. Me & DH are finally in a good financial position and we can start saving now just that where we live now, it would probably take longer but then we would be happy where we are. On the contrary, if we move we can save more but as you mentioned we may not be able to afford to move back. Regardless, I eventually want to get a bigger house anyway, but it's like do I take the hit and keep it tight for a short while or move and live with regrets. We moved house a lot growing up and I never had that luxury of bigger houses but we made it work until we settled.

Have you looked at the schools for both areas? I would consider that in the decision, if the school is good in the less desirable but larger home, I would move as you will always need more space with 3 as they get older.

I think the sooner you move the better, so you arent then having to move once the children are in school, its probably far easier to do this sooner.

Luckily we have family to help with childcare (another massive pro). School is literally 3 minutes away and I am close to my family and a short journey into central (where I work).

We would have to do some serious savings and calculate things as repairs and mortgages.

My DC school is about 3 minutes away from where we live. I am not exaggerating when I say everything is literally in close range. However, my DC also doesn't want to leave their school and travelling everyday there and back would be a pain where we would be looking to move.

I would make it work in the apartment. If you look at somewhere like New York, families do live like this and they manage. They wouldn't dream of moving away from family, friends, convenience.

I imagine you only have one bathroom?

Yeah just the one, and in the potential house it's a 3 bed with a large driveway, garden and 2 bathrooms

Whilst the new house may be cheaper rent, will it really be cheaper once you factor in travel costs, childcare impacts etc?

I would stay put for now. Surely the baby (congratulations on baby oops ) will be in with you for a year at least? Personally I'd have the baby in with us until 2.5/3 sharing with siblings before then worries me too much)

Then as you said give the 3 of them the biggest room to share.

Sounds like a brilliant location!!

you'll just need to become 'thoughtful shoppers' & not over buy toys/clothes/shoes etc

Thank you 😊

You've made some very valid points and things me and DH have discussed also. We are planning to have a sit down and talk about serious finance because budgeting is sometning we will have to be in order to buy somewhere we are really happy.

It sounds like you don't want to move and you both think you can make your apartment work with 3 children. I agree it's unlikely you'll return if you leave. Which compromise do you think will make life happiest and is the realistic long term plan? If you both want to stay do that,just don't moan day to day about lack of space.

My heart tells me to stay and make it work as someone else mentioned, once the baby is here they will share it with me anyway for the first few years (I did this with my other two also) and my other 2 DC in their room for that time. However, my head tells me to move but exactly as you mentioned I don't want to move and then sit silently in regret.

My DH made a good point to read the house contract first before we sign anything away and see if there is anything there that would be worth to really leave because once we leave here it will be extremely hard to come back as there is a waiting list of people wanting to move where I currently live.

What is the genuine difference between the areas? When I was at uni I lived in one of the worst postcodes in the country. I know because I couldn’t afford house contents insurance and it was flagged up at this point. It was ok but I didn’t have small children to consider. If the area is somewhere that is gang ridden, a ton of knife crime or really difficult issues then no live in the small flat. If it’s just a bit grotty then move. You can look up crime stats online for an area. If it’s loads of anti social behaviour recorded then avoid. Crime is everywhere it’s just in some areas it falls out in it to the street and in others it’s behind closed doors.

Where I currently live is quite affluent, and one of the biggest advantages is the convenience — everything is close by, including shops, train stations, bus stops, schools, green spaces, riverside walks, and a well-equipped leisure centre. Most importantly, my family is only 5-10 minutes away, which is a huge help with childcare. However, it's very expensive, and many homeowners here have likely inherited their properties. The house I own would cost much less in a less affluent area, but due to the prime location, it’s quite pricey, and property values keep rising. It's also a very safe area with a strong sense of community.

On the other hand, the area I'm considering moving to is quite different. Everything is farther away, like bus stops, train stations, schools, and shops. I don’t drive yet, so I’d need to find alternative ways to get around in the meantime. Another downside is that the area has a bit of an unpleasant smell, which has been off-putting.

Preference-wise, and without sounding too up-tight, I’m not a fan of the borough it's located in. Although the specific area is one of the better parts of the borough, it’s likely that crime would be more of a concern there compared to where I currently live.

However, affordability is much better in the new area, making it a more realistic option for purchasing a home (in the short run) or I stay put and either buy my apartment and resell or stay put and save and get a home close by.