I’m scared I’ve fucked my kids up.

[JusWunderin]

Long term sufferer of anxiety and depression. I see other parents who go on walks, take kids to the park ect ect. I never do any of that, it’s very rare I’ll take them out on my own. I wait until the weekends when my husband is home for things like parks, zoo, ect. I never do anything during the week.

I also don’t play with them at home very often. I’ll like play as in rough/tumble play, tickling, laughing ect. But I don’t go and play with toys with them. I think it’s partly my depression, and also partly the fact I am far too addicted to my phone. I’ve been trying to stay off my phone more which works but I still don’t feel the motivation to get up.

I’m waiting on therapy for my MH. But I fear I’ve already damaged them for when they’re older. I hear so much on social media that not playing with your kids can damage them mentally when they’re older ect. I just need reassurance that they’re ok and it’s reversible.

So some things we do, do:
Play ‘horses’ (ride around with them on my back in the living room. Mostly an evening thing before bed.
Same with piggy backs and running around making them laugh.
They regularly put ‘shows’ on for me, so singing and dancing while I watch and cheer them on.
We watch movies together (probably not the best thing as it’s more screens)
We’ll have random midday baths because it’s low energy for me, so much fun for them.

I occasionally (would love to do it more) play board games with my eldest in the evening. Things like hungry hippos, doctor, dobble.

I just feel like I don’t give them enough role play, playing with actual toys, or going out. I have severe anxiety and agoraphobia and going out with the kids on my own fills me with fear. I have an I rationally fear of losing them in public, someone just snatching them off the street or in a shop, them running into the road and getting hit. I know it’s all super unlikely and irrational but my fear stops me. It’s something I’ve mentioned in my therapy assessment and I’m awaiting an opening to see a high intensity therapist.

Cardboard boxes are great fun for children. I cut a square hole out of one and they pretended they were reading the news.

How do you get them to and from school @JusWunderin or does someone take them for you?

Do you have any outdoor space of your own a garden or yard or even balcony you can do some growing in.

Can you go to the library on. A Saturday to get a fresh stack of books and board games, my local library allows you to borrow CDs, audio books, toys, board games, computer games, puzzles so if you aren't able to leave the house in the week they can have fresh things to play.

What you are able to do sounds great, just get rid of the phone so you aren't scrolling in the quiet periods as it will do your MH no good and that will open up more time with the children.

What type of toys do you have?
Do they have Lego or similar - you can look up online how to build things and use a tablet together to make a project.

I found just sitting on the floor with DD got me more involved rather than on the sofa.

If you have loads of things that never get played with why not make a bit of a schedule and play one thing a night?

Your update paints a completely different picture!
You're doing lots with them, and are engaging them and having fun
It's the negative thoughts which are symptoms of depression making you think otherwise.
Agarophobia is very hard to overcome( I know, I actually vomited outside my house from anxiety) and I think your therapist could help you
Best wishes to you.
I think lack of concentration( symptoms) might contribute to your phone use

What you are doing with them sounds great. Lots of adults struggle with imaginary role play and they've got each other for that kind of play, plus kids at nursery & school, so I really wouldn't worry!
In terms of going out, they're out of the house for school/nursery plus on weekends as a whole family. That's fine!
The only part that probably needs addressing is phone time, but you know that already. (I also need to address this.) Loads of parents probably wouldn't even recognise this as a problem.
You do not sound like you're fucking them up at all. You sound like a caring and loving parent.

Honestly, as a kid, I didnt want my mom playing with me.
And what you are doing sounds great! You dont have to play "dolls" with them! They can do that with each other or on their own, which is also very important! And they also dont have to go to the park every day!