What class am I?

[justleggingsandatee]

Inspired by the thread about class in the UK...

I was brought up in a very affluent area by very working class parents.

They really couldn't afford to live there, they lived on a shoestring in order to live in a house in catchment for good school.

They made an effort to take us on holiday, but our clothes and shoes were always cheap / too small / wrong season / holes in them etc. we never had the "right" stuff. No piano lessons or swimming lessons etc.

Despite being in catchment for good school, due to bullying, at 13 my parents scrimped even more to send me to private school.

For this reason, when people talk about class, I never know where I fit in.

My parents come from very working class backgrounds. And I feel like I had a working class upbringing in a very middle class town. This was exacerbated when I was sent to private school (which was a very difficult experience, having such a different home life to the girls there).

I know it doesn't really matter, and I don't really understand the preoccupation with class. I just feel like I'm in the situation where I don't really fit in anywhere. Working class people think I'm "posh" because of the private school; middle class people think I'm working class because of my parents, my inability to ski, play an instrument, the fact I am not well travelled due to having to work my way through uni etc, even the fact I am not a particularly adventurous eater (like my parents).

I have young kids myself now and wonder where they fit in in this class structure.

We live in a small house in an affluent town, good school catchment, private school definitely not an option. Very lucky to be able to afford one budget European holiday each year but will probably never be able to afford long haul.

I don't know. I guess I just feel like have never fit in.

Anyone?

I think you need to forget about it. Surely only people who are actually your friends know any of this stuff anyway, you aren’t telling people on the street that you can’t ski, went to private school, or had parents who were coalminers or whatever - and if your friends are a) having lengthy discussions about class and/or b) trying to put you in a judgement category of what they think yours is, you need different friends.

If you feel like you don’t fit in it’s usually because you’re trying to rub along with the wrong people, or you lack confidence in who you actually are and are trying to be somebody you aren’t, which is always going to be jarring. Your supposed or perceived class has nothing to do with it.

Surely everyone who has a job from bin men to lawyers are all working class? I’ve Never understood what the middle class is other than complete snobbery.

I know it doesn't really matter, and I don't really understand the preoccupation with class.

It really doesn't matter, less so as time goes by.

So forget about it OP and enjoy the life you have. It's not like knowing your class is going to change anything.

What's your accent?

You sound like middle to me

Before I even read the OP I knew you were going to be middle class.

Your exposure to a particular type of upper middle class culture is clear tho:

middle class people think I'm working class because of my parents, my inability to ski, play an instrument

I think your idea of who is middle class is quite narrow!!!

For the love of (insert deity or other). Not this again! This bizarre obsession with 'class' on Mumsnet.

I am trying to say this kindly, OP, but if the point of this post is to find out from other posters 'where you fit in', you're going to be sadly disappointed and more confused than ever.

Old definition:
If your income comes from assets you are middle class. If it comes from a salary or wage you are working class.
ETA the vast majority of people are working class by this definition. It’s basically a pyramid.

More modern take on it:
You get to choose. Which one do you feel fits you best?

Middle. If you need to ask, the answer is always middle.

Class can be thought about in terms of your background, several ways to measure class are all about what your parented did for example. And you can also think about your class now, rather than your childhood. So you can be multiple different classes through your life although you'd typically go 'up' because you are more likely to gain not just wealth as you age but also a wider social circle and cultural knowledge. All these things are predictors of class too depending on your stance.

It is easy for middle class people to say 'forget it', but this is part of who you are and possibly how you are treated by others. Being a working class girl in a private school was likely to involve either fantastic open friendships or a fair bit of masking for example. These experiences shape us and its important for many to be able to reflect and try to understand them.

Thank you, yes, you are probably right.

I take your point on that!

And yes, the skiing is really only those who I went to private school with (none of who I would really class as friends, just people I am in occasional contact with).

The people from my hometown are much more "normal" as opposed to the private school skiers....but I still feel very lacking, even in comparison to them.

Thank you.

Yes, being a working class girl at a private school was very difficult.

There were a few of us, but all very different.

There were a few very clever girls there on scholarships. They just got on with the work and did great.

A couple of very sporty / popular girls who also just got on with it and had a great time.

They all had a confidence that I didn't have. I generally just felt very out my depth the whole time I was there.

I feel my parents did so much for me with the best of intentions....but they didn't (and couldn't) have realised how difficult it was for me. I guess they expected me to excel like the confident girls did, but I didn't. I just kind of muddled through.

The preoccupation with class is quite baffling and I do think it’s a middle class pastime, genuinely don’t think WC people sit around worrying about being WC.

Sounds like your parents were poor because they insisted on living in an area they couldn’t afford and made themselves even poorer by sending you to a school they definitely couldn’t afford. Had they lived in a more affordable area and not paid for private schooling, you probably would have had a nicer childhood with better clothes. For that reason, I’d say your parents were lower MC and you are too.

You could be right, lower mc is possibly correct. Also correct in that in doesn't really matter and I should stop ruminating over it.

However your tone is quite unkind and I don't like that.

My parents did absolutely the best they could for me. As they say, hindsight is 20/20, but they thought they were acting in my best interests.

The fact they scrimped and saved which resulted in me living amongst people I couldn't relate to and feeling wholly inadequate breaks my heart. So I find your tone in pointing out their failings quite unkind.

Despite your tone I think you probably have reached the crux of the matter - I feel a lot of guilt and sadness that my parents worked so hard to achieve something, and it didn't quite work out.

If you’re not sure, you’re middle class.

middle class people think I'm working class because of my parents, my inability to ski, play an instrument

I bet they don’t.

The middle class don’t exist. If you have to go to work you’re working class.

You sound very similar to my background, except my mum was a single mum. My parents are working class but I don't think I am. My mum seems to have encouraged me to talk posh so I definitely pass as posher than I am but I'm from a Barratt estate and I can't ski. I think we're lower MC. Or first generation middle class, if you want to get technical. You can be bog-standard middle class without being actually posh.

BBC’s The Great British class calculator

To take the test:

www.bbc.co.uk/news/special/2013/newsspec_5093/index.stm

But you keep talking about your childhood. What is your life like now? What do you do for a living? How do you like spending spare time? What kind of background is your partner/spouse from, if you have one? What kinds of backgrounds are your friends from? What are your children's lives/expectations/friends like? Are you happy?

I mean, it's clear you're carrying a lot of unresolved feelings about your parents having tried so hard to give you a boost up, and the fact that this left you feeling like a stray (which all sounds like something that would be worth talking through in a therapeutic setting), but what about now?

See, this is partly my point. That class calculator asks nothing about your upbringing, parents jobs etc -- it focuses entirely on your adult life. I come out as 'Elite' on it, but only because it doesn't ask about your early life/family background. My parents were a binman and a cleaner, both had left school at 13, struggled with literacy, and we were very poor. Which puts a very different complexion on my class status.

@justleggingsandatee I don't really think it's possible to say based on a brief, quite complicated biography. I'd probably see "class markers" if I met you based on language, interests and so on. But if I put a gun to your head, what would you say you are? I reckon that's probably what you are...

My life now...

So I did a creative degree and worked in a creative industry for a few years. I enjoyed it but it could be frustrating and the money wasn't great.

I retrained a few years ago and I am now an accountant. I make decent money but nothing compared to what I would be making if I did it straight out of university, without the big detour.

Husband is an electrician.

Hobbies: just reading, really. I was never into sports, not musical. I'm quite a quiet person. I have a lot of pets.

Friends. A lot of them are lawyers, teachers etc. They did not go to the private girls school I did, and most of them have achieved more than I have in my career.

I suspect you are probably right that most of these thoughts stem from my childhood and the sacrifices my parents made for me.

Lower Middle Class

If someone is asking, the answer is almost alway lower middle class.

It’s like the answer to “Am I overreacting” is almost always Yes.

X = 3 is the first one to try in algebra

Some questions have default answers, and online, someone asking about class is LMC because mostly no one else cares.