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My husband messaged his “ex” - is this acceptable?

77 replies

Preciousprincess9 · 10/09/2024 17:31

hiiii, just wanted some other opinions on this situation…grab your cuppas because it’s a long one, so, when my husband was asleep his phone was unlocked and when this usually happens I usually lock it for him and put it beside him and carry on with whatever I was doing…I’m certainly not those type of wives that start checking the phone or whatever because my husband has never given me a reason to doubt/distrust him. Anyway, however on this occasion, when I picked up the phone to lock it, I saw that he’d started a chat with someone on his contact list, it was just a simple “hello, how you doing” but the person basically replied and it went something like this
I thought I told you not to contact me and I’ll contact you instead…because it’ll make it hard for me to forget about you”. Naturally when I saw this I silently freaked out because it just looks so suspect but I tried to think rationally. I spoke to my husband about it and to cut a long story short, he explained that it was his ex girlfriend (even though he was very reluctant to call the woman his “ex” and kept referring to her as a “friend”) and he’d just messaged her to say hello as he remembered her seemingly out of the blue. I then told him that I wasn’t impressed because as a married man it’s not normal or appropriate to just be sat randomly remembering your exes and then going ahead and messaging them. In my opinion this shows a lack of consideration for your current partner because I believe that a lot of mistakes people make simply starts with a thought…then it leads to something else etc. I’m actually quite upset about it, and yes I know that it was just a chat and he technically didn’t write anything “incriminating” but it’s just the fact that it’s an ex…like of all people. He tried to reassure me that he doesn’t ever contact her (she lives in another continent) and it was just an out of the blue thing but I’m not buying it. Imagine if I just sat there thinking of an ex boyfriend then I message them? Like what will I be trying to achieve with that? I personally think it’s a symbol of something deeper…maybe reminiscing of past times or something? What do y’all think? Sorry long rant.

OP posts:
Preciousprincess9 · 15/09/2024 20:24

Cocomelon112233 · 15/09/2024 19:44

I get the feeling that maybe, when they originally broke up 7+ years ago they’d agreed to NC and the only way they would ever have contact again was if she instigated it.
If he hasn’t got form for being a sleeze bag, does he have form for being a bit stupid? 😂 Maybe it was genuinely innocent, something reminded him of her and he thought he’d be polite and check in without even considering how the break up happened or how it would look to anyone else.
Him deflecting to why you were checking his phone isn’t a good reaction though. I think you need the whole story of them out of him.
Similar happened to my partner with his ex before me, she’d randomly messaged him but then started drinking where he worked at the time with minimal clothing on, I wasn’t worried, she had form for being a bit trailer parky, roughly 7 children by 5 fathers etc. I think he’d shown me her messages without me knowing and we thought of it as a joke, can’t even remember her name now 😂
It could just be pure male stupidity is what I’m getting at and I do feel you deserve an explanation to his past life with her. Goodluck

Omg “trailer parky” 😂😂😂 yeah I think my thoughts are leaning towards this too , he’s never given me a reason to doubt him / think he’s unfaithful do so it was all a bit of a shock

OP posts:
YerArseInParsley · 16/09/2024 22:36

sammylady37 · 15/09/2024 09:56

Some people value and respect privacy, others don’t.

I get that but some people seem more bothered by the "snooping" than the husbands texts.

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