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Original poster

AIBU Shocked by DP rage outburst

35 replies

Debs2024 · 09/09/2024 17:41

I have been with my soulmate for 3.5 years. He is the calm to my storm. We don’t row just laugh and enjoy being together 24/7 we work as a live in couple together. We have been through a hard year my Mum died and I was hospitalised with a brain injury after my brother attacked me. Thanks to my mothers inheritance we r moving to Spain but it has been a long and frustrating process due to my solicitors incompetency and red tape to move to Spain. Today another problem occurred with the move and he lost it shouted at me to contact solicitor went mad because I needed more photos for visa he didn’t deem necessary and drove like a maniac yelled at a driver and if it had escalated said he would have punched him! All quiet now but I am shaken. He has no income all the money is mine Still in shock!

OP posts:
Gilead · 09/09/2024 17:46

Run or you’ll end up with nothing.

Neverstophoping · 09/09/2024 17:50

Well OP if he has no money I would definitely not be moving to Spain with him.
Perhaps him losing the plot with you today is a blessing in disguise because he has given you a glimpse of a side of him you knew nothing about and which has the potential to ruin your life if you emigrate with him.

Troopinthecolour · 09/09/2024 17:52

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

autienotnaughty · 09/09/2024 18:58

Don't go he's showing you who he is believe him

dizzydizzydizzy · 09/09/2024 19:02

That's what exDP used to do. Thought be was my soulmate too. It was domestic abuse.

Hoppinggreen · 09/09/2024 19:04

You aren't married so your money is yours, keep it that way

TwilightSkies · 09/09/2024 19:05

Why does he have no income?

yeesh · 09/09/2024 19:05

Leave while you can. This behaviour is your warning that he’s dangerous

Arlanymor · 09/09/2024 19:05

He is NOT the calm to your storm to be acting like that. Why doesn’t he have any income? That’s a red flag. What has he said about his behaviour since? I would seriously be reevaluating moving abroad with this person if he can erupt like that. You would be on your own in a foreign country.

SaffronsMadAboutMe · 09/09/2024 19:07

Weird little bit to slip in at the end there.

What do you want us to say OP?

Apart from the obvious 'Why does he have no income'?

Normallynumb · 10/09/2024 01:37

All the money is yours from an inheritance and he has no money?
Personally I would go to Spain( or anywhere else) alone
I think his mask is slipping.

OhcantthInkofaname · 10/09/2024 01:51

Stay where you are. Boot him out. Think what would happen if he became enraged with you. You started off with saying you live and work together. If he has no income how do you work together?

Meadowfinch · 10/09/2024 02:05

OP, seriously, do not move to Spain with that man.

He's given you a glimpse of his true nature. Don't move far away from your friends, family and support network. You may need them.

As for income, why are you supporting him? Is he a sahd for your children? If not, such a power imbalance in a relationship seldom works.

ThorndonCream · 10/09/2024 02:27

Thank goodness you only thought he was your "soul mate" rather than being married and sharing your assets with him. He is not your soul mate - as soon as he gets you isolated in Spain he is really going to kick off. You have been very fortunate to have seen this now before it's too late. It is not a momentary aberration. He shouted at you to contact the solicitor, went mad because you needed more photos for visa he didn’t deem necessary and drove like a maniac yelled at a driver and, if it had escalated, said he would have punched him! By the way you don't have to financially support this person and you certainly shouldn't move anywhere with him. Why doesn't he have any money?

Topseyt123 · 10/09/2024 03:13

He isn't your soulmate. He's an abusive twat. Don't marry him at all and definitely don't move to Spain with him.

In fact, dump him. Keep your money to yourself and give him nothing.

Justleaveitblankthen · 10/09/2024 07:59

He's going to kick off big time actually living in Spain and dealing with the Manyana way of life then.

The beurocracy, other driver's, maybe other Brits abroad who will piss him off, not to mention 'foreigners' everywhere..

. .and in that heat?

Or will he kick off at your efforts to deal with everything instead? 🤨

Redlorryyellowlorryblue · 10/09/2024 08:27

If this is the first time he has lost his temper in 3.5 years, I don’t understand the problem. Have you never shouted or yelled in frustration? Moving house is highly stressful. Talk to him about it.

Why does he have no income? Are you happy supporting him financially? The fact you have brought it up, means you probably aren’t?

AtYourOwnRisk · 10/09/2024 08:33

Especially if you’re recovering from being hospitalised from a brain injury after an attack by your brother, I would not move to another country with a penniless, aggressive man, no.

PrincessW11 · 10/09/2024 08:40

He's sounds like a real prince & a great catch too(ABS NOT), get out quick, preserve ur inheritance & live ur life

Allthehorsesintheworld · 10/09/2024 08:45

Please don’t move abroad with this man. I was an ex Pat for many years in two EU countries. Big ex Pat communities in both. And domestic violence and abuse in both. A lot of couples had moved to “ mend their relationship” but the difficulties of setting things up using a foreign language, for some finding work but mostly the abundance of cheap booze did anything but repair the cracks.

Over the years I helped women get back to the UK and even had them stay with us in hiding to escape violence.
He’s shown you what he’s truly like, he is living off you and will be very happy to spend your inheritance. Boot him out then think about yourself and what you want.

Cynic17 · 10/09/2024 08:48

OP, there is no such thing as a "soulmate" - he has hoodwinked you. He is with you for your money, and abusive too.
Do not move in with him.
Definitely don't move with him to another country.
Think of this as a lucky escape.

outdamnedspots · 10/09/2024 08:58

If you 'work as a live in couple together', why does he have no money?

His behaviour is very concerning.

I wouldn't move to Spain with him. He has no money! You will be supporting him! Why do you want to do that??

outdamnedspots · 10/09/2024 08:58

AtYourOwnRisk · 10/09/2024 08:33

Especially if you’re recovering from being hospitalised from a brain injury after an attack by your brother, I would not move to another country with a penniless, aggressive man, no.

This.

FrenchandSaunders · 10/09/2024 09:15

What work do you do as a 'live in couple' and why doesn't he earn a wage?

CrochetForLife · 10/09/2024 10:54

Are you married, OP? If not, I wouldn't be spending my money on him. He sounds like a cocklodger who gets angry when he can't get what he wants holidays, visas, etc with your money. Don't spend a penny on him more.
Just re-read your post. He doesn't work. He has no income, fuck,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!??
He is a bludger, a cocklodger who is bludging and freeloading off of you. Christ almighty, he saw you coming didn't get? RUN THE FUCK AWAY NOW! Kick the freeloading scumbag to the curb.

Apart from that, any man that is that volatile, is a danger and a red flag.

Run, and run now. Pease run now. If you don't, you'll be back on here with a story about how he hit you or at the very least threw dinner or something at you. Men like that don't get 'less' violent, they escalate over time.

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