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Original poster

My husband got caught searching for local escorts

43 replies

Theonlyonebless · 08/09/2024 10:51

I have been with my husband for 5 years going on 6, we have 3 beautiful children. A few years back we broke up because I found out he was searching for escorts, I took him back and things were going good or so I thought but I just recently seen his history searching for them again a lot like 3X a week or more. He said he just searched for them and didn’t actually meet up with any of them. I’m so lost and hurt and don’t know what to believe. In my opinion you don’t search for them unless you want to hook up right? Please tell me what you would do

OP posts:
SilverliningHunter · 08/09/2024 10:52

I stayed. And wasted 10 further years of my life on EXDH. I wish I’d gone the first time I found the searches.

AlexandraJJ · 08/09/2024 11:10

I know this is so common and women’s bodies and bits are so freely available and accessible now on social media advertising their adult work pages and all that that it can be easy into being talked in to that it’s ok. It isn’t. Or it certainly isn’t for me. Trust is such a major factor as is the underlying reasons why he’s doing it and more importantly how that makes you feel as his wife, mother to your children and as a woman. If your boundary has been crossed again after telling him this and he’s done it please know that this was not a mistake on his part it was a CHOICE. I could never be with someone wondering what he’s up to, feeling like there was something lacking and I wasn’t enough. There isn’t a rush for you to do anything but I do think this is decision time whether you are ready to proceed to forgive or to acknowledge it’s over. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Put yourself and your wellbeing first. Your children will be OK as long as you are. When people show you who they are, believe them.

poppyzbrite4 · 08/09/2024 11:21

It's highly unusual for a man with an escort habit to stop. They all say they were only looking. All cheaters lie. I would get an STD test and decide if you want to remain in an open marriage.

Luckingfovely · 08/09/2024 11:46

3 times a week? That's compulsive behaviour. And it won't change without major intervention, which would take a massive commitment from him.

And I don't believe for a second that he's never met one. Even if he really hasn't - that just means that he's only cheating on you in his head rather than physically.

I really can't see how you could make this marriage work, I'm afraid.

But know one thing - HE has finished the relationship with his behaviour. It's not your fault.

something2say · 08/09/2024 11:49

I'd think I've built my house on quicksand, and I knew it because he did it before. Choosing to carry on is choosing that stuff. I'd then get out of the marriage - he is not a good man and his life choices are nasty and you don't need to ruin your life by staying married to a man you cannot love. I'm sorry x but the sooner the better really, he wants to pay to sleep with other women - not a good man.

SilverliningHunter · 08/09/2024 22:43

How are you, OP? These kind of discoveries are always hard to bear.

Swiftie1878 · 12/09/2024 11:56

Leave. Right now.

Battytriker · 12/09/2024 14:31

I've been in a similar situation, fortunately it hasn't been repeated. The reasons for the behavior actually stemmed from childhood trauma, feelings of being unlovable and not being good enough. There are a lot of people on here that are quick to say leave and in some instances I would agree, no question but perhaps marriage councilling is worth a try if you have any feelings of love left for the sake of your three children, I had two young children at the time. Whatever you decide, make it the best choice for you and your mental well being. X

Spaffing · 12/09/2024 14:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Doltontweedle · 12/09/2024 14:34

Of course he’s meeting them. If you want to look at naked women etc you look at porn. Not look at people willing and available to shag in your local area

Alectrona · 12/09/2024 16:51

Sadly, OP, they all say this when caught

Aquamarine1029 · 12/09/2024 16:54

Op, the writing is on the wall. How many times are you going to put yourself through this?

ErniesGhostlyGoldTops · 12/09/2024 17:01

Why would you even bother?

Firefly27 · 12/09/2024 19:52

You believe what your instincts tell you. These are habits/addictions that are hard to snuff out and even harder when you start meeting escorts and get used to it . He has probably been doing it all these past years just managed to do it under the radar for as along as he could manage before being caught. And he has definitely met these girls.. people look at porn but escort sites is very specific - he is looking for a service and has used it most likely. You both need counselling although it will be hard to rebuild trust … and I highly doubt he will get rid of the habit . Get yourself checked for STDs.

SimplyAFolly · 12/09/2024 19:56

If just looking then no problem, it's when he's doing them is a problem. Just forgive and forget and all will be good 👍

Firefly27 · 12/09/2024 19:58

SimplyAFolly · 12/09/2024 19:56

If just looking then no problem, it's when he's doing them is a problem. Just forgive and forget and all will be good 👍

Really? She forgave him few years back and he is back at it …

Beth216 · 12/09/2024 20:01

You forgave him once and he did it again, if you forgive him twice then he'll know for sure you'll never leave him no matter what. And that leaves him free to do anything he likes.

Purplecatshopaholic · 12/09/2024 20:03

I’m assuming SimplyAFolly is being facetious. Op, you have caught him before. He didn’t stop. He has no respect and cannot be trusted. What would I do? Get a lawyer.

Aikawolf24 · 12/09/2024 20:12

So..here is what you do. You sit down and think about how intimate you both are and how often you both sleep together in a week's time. Usually the minimal a guy needs intimacy is 2 times a week. Any less than that and they get frustrated and start looking at open or looking up other options.

Also ask yourself..do you both still feel attracted to each other and feel a spark? If not..then think of that and what you both can do to feel like newlyweds again and boost libido. From herbal supplements to simply spending more time together,if working alot, think about things that might bring you both closer together and allow for more date nights or just time together cuddling in bed each night.

Alot of people blame men for cheating,but sometimes dont look at how distant they are with their spouse and try to spend more time with them,as they did when they were dating. This makes sexual attraction and interest in ypur partner dwindle. Just like you,men need a sign from women that they care,are still attracted to them,and need attention/romance.

AFTER you try to respark your marriage,if he is still trying to stray,then you can say that he is the problem. In that situation,it would be best just to split and find happiness elsewhere.

LifeExperience · 12/09/2024 20:13

He is risking your health. I would not stay one more minute.

Rigatone · 12/09/2024 20:28

Aikawolf24 · 12/09/2024 20:12

So..here is what you do. You sit down and think about how intimate you both are and how often you both sleep together in a week's time. Usually the minimal a guy needs intimacy is 2 times a week. Any less than that and they get frustrated and start looking at open or looking up other options.

Also ask yourself..do you both still feel attracted to each other and feel a spark? If not..then think of that and what you both can do to feel like newlyweds again and boost libido. From herbal supplements to simply spending more time together,if working alot, think about things that might bring you both closer together and allow for more date nights or just time together cuddling in bed each night.

Alot of people blame men for cheating,but sometimes dont look at how distant they are with their spouse and try to spend more time with them,as they did when they were dating. This makes sexual attraction and interest in ypur partner dwindle. Just like you,men need a sign from women that they care,are still attracted to them,and need attention/romance.

AFTER you try to respark your marriage,if he is still trying to stray,then you can say that he is the problem. In that situation,it would be best just to split and find happiness elsewhere.

Is that you Andrew?

Devonshirerexx · 12/09/2024 20:29

I'm so sorry you're going through this! 😬 Could you let me know how you found out? My husband gets ads on Messenger, but I don't. Apparently, everyone else does, though.

deademptyduck · 12/09/2024 20:32

Aikawolf24 · 12/09/2024 20:12

So..here is what you do. You sit down and think about how intimate you both are and how often you both sleep together in a week's time. Usually the minimal a guy needs intimacy is 2 times a week. Any less than that and they get frustrated and start looking at open or looking up other options.

Also ask yourself..do you both still feel attracted to each other and feel a spark? If not..then think of that and what you both can do to feel like newlyweds again and boost libido. From herbal supplements to simply spending more time together,if working alot, think about things that might bring you both closer together and allow for more date nights or just time together cuddling in bed each night.

Alot of people blame men for cheating,but sometimes dont look at how distant they are with their spouse and try to spend more time with them,as they did when they were dating. This makes sexual attraction and interest in ypur partner dwindle. Just like you,men need a sign from women that they care,are still attracted to them,and need attention/romance.

AFTER you try to respark your marriage,if he is still trying to stray,then you can say that he is the problem. In that situation,it would be best just to split and find happiness elsewhere.

What did I just read!!! FGS get a grip!!

Soldieringnonosoldiershere · 12/09/2024 20:32

I've been in a similar situation, fortunately it hasn't been repeated. The reasons for the behavior actually stemmed from childhood trauma, feelings of being unlovable and not being good enough

he’s done one on you there! @Battytriker

TriggerWarning45 · 12/09/2024 20:42
family guy vomit GIF

So, why is he looking if he's not going to hospital through with it? In my opinion, if he hadn't slept with an escort it's only a matter of time. TBH, I'd be so repulsed by him then relationship would be done. He thinks he can buy consent.