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Original poster

Is it me in the wrong or him is he gaslighting me?

31 replies

LoopyLoz2290 · 07/09/2024 19:18

Me and my boyfriend have been abit distant lately, he still lives at home with his mum he is 29 and she treats him like a child , she tells him if he doesn’t do this that will happen for instance.. u beat be back by 9 or ur on street.. couple days ago I had big argument with his mum about her barging in his room we was asleep and she came in waking him up ( I was half naked yet he didn’t say anything! ) she comes in looking for laundry I don’t agree with it she should not do this he has me ? They both was whispering downstairs and I said why whisper it’s rude and he had a go at me saying if she isn’t comfortable telling “everyone” her business then he isn’t gunna make her feel like it . Then we had a argument and I found a girls hair bobble in his room with hair on ( not my hair colour ) and he twists everything onto me starts accusing me of been unfaithful and accusing me of been sly just because iv caught him out I no that but he won’t own his stuff !! I have my own house iv just recently moved into and I’m in middle of decorating ect… I don’t get a lot of money and if I stay with him his mum expects 60-80 pound off me every 2 weeks which I only get 340 pound to start with . Because I pay my bills and prioritise my house he says I’m selfish because I’m not spending my money with him ! When we argue he leaves me to struggle he never puts. Obey into my house or anything to do with me he lets his mum control his money also !! I have walked out and moved back home now. If he loved me he wouldn’t watch me leave with my bags and struggle would he? And if he did love me why is he not helping me in my house and being a proper man providing for me and looking after me ? I’m stuck I don’t no what to think anymore !

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 07/09/2024 20:00

Her house, her rules.

If you’re staying in her house all the time then of course she is okay to ask for some money.

Why would he contribute to your house if he doesn’t live there?

GaladrielHiggins · 07/09/2024 20:13

Oh Lord, dump him, their relationship isn’t going to change, you’ll just tie yourself in knots trying to make it work when it won’t ever happen. There are three people in this relationship and two of them are happy with the way it is.

Original poster
LoopyLoz2290 · 08/09/2024 21:47

Mrsttcno1 · 07/09/2024 20:00

Her house, her rules.

If you’re staying in her house all the time then of course she is okay to ask for some money.

Why would he contribute to your house if he doesn’t live there?

i Did not mean it like that , when I stay there I do pay money that is not the issue ? The issue is I don’t get any help with anything my partner is nearly 30 years old . He is not a child ? Why should he not be helping me with my house ? He should be helping me and moving in with me ? I don’t get your comment to be honest..

OP posts:

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Relationship problems
Countingcactus · 08/09/2024 21:53

Huh? You literally pay money to spend nights at your boyfriend’s Mum’s house, even though you own your own home? Why?

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/09/2024 21:56

Stay apart, what an embarrassing mess. Enjoy your home. Steer clear of 29 year olds whose mummies do their laundry.

CalicoPusscat · 08/09/2024 22:15

Echo @Countingcactus, why aren't you at your own home?

BillieJ · 08/09/2024 22:20

I don't understand why you are staying in his family home if you have your own home? Or why you expect him to provide for you and look after you if you're not living together?

Have you discussed moving in together? Is it what you both want, and if it is, why is he still at home? How long have you been together?

MumOf2Here · 08/09/2024 22:28

Oh my, what a mess.
I’ve heard of men like this before. They stay at home for so long and become comfortable because “mummy will do it”

It seems like he’s allowed her to treat him like a child so she happily continues.
Bit controlling if she has control of his money - could there be other reasons for this such as gambling or just being irresponsible?

And like others have commented, why do you choose to stay there with him and his mother, knowing what she is like when you have ur own space? Why pay money towards their home when u can use this towards decorating ur own place?

Sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do, and you need to realise your worth and leave whilst u still can.

Also, the hair bobble - red flag, unless it’s his mums as shes always in his room cleanin etc

mumda · 08/09/2024 22:30

Walk away.

Find another one.

invisiblecat · 08/09/2024 22:50

Trust me, you do not want him moving into your home. He will treat it like a hotel. You will end up doing all the housework, cleaning, laundry, shopping, cooking, paying the bills and everything else.

RampantIvy · 08/09/2024 23:06

If you were my daughter I would advise you to walk away.

He is a mummy's boy.

SaffronsMadAboutMe · 08/09/2024 23:10

Lol at you having a go at her in her own home 🤣

Just stay out of her house.

2Old2Tango · 08/09/2024 23:13

If he's 29 and can't do his own laundry then walk away. He'll expect you to take over from mummy if he moves in. Find someone a bit more mature.

Original poster
LoopyLoz2290 · 09/09/2024 19:17

Countingcactus · 08/09/2024 21:53

Huh? You literally pay money to spend nights at your boyfriend’s Mum’s house, even though you own your own home? Why?

becaaue mid he stays at my house his mum goes on at him like he is a child ? I stay there to be with my boyfriend I would much prefer to be at home . I have not long moved into my house so I’m still decorating it ect…. This is why I asked about him helping me

OP posts:
Boidont · 09/09/2024 19:20

Are kids back at school yet or?

Mrsttcno1 · 09/09/2024 19:29

LoopyLoz2290 · 08/09/2024 21:47

i Did not mean it like that , when I stay there I do pay money that is not the issue ? The issue is I don’t get any help with anything my partner is nearly 30 years old . He is not a child ? Why should he not be helping me with my house ? He should be helping me and moving in with me ? I don’t get your comment to be honest..

Show quote history

He doesn’t live at your house, that’s why he isn’t helping you with it? Why should he be moving in with you? It sounds like he is happy where he is.

Spenditlikebeckham · 09/09/2024 19:31

My dd moved in with a mummy's boy. She still did his washing and hid a packed lunch behind their bin every morning for him to take to work. ..
Ltb op. You aren't the only female he has staying over are you?

Coconutter24 · 09/09/2024 19:32

LoopyLoz2290 · 08/09/2024 21:47

i Did not mean it like that , when I stay there I do pay money that is not the issue ? The issue is I don’t get any help with anything my partner is nearly 30 years old . He is not a child ? Why should he not be helping me with my house ? He should be helping me and moving in with me ? I don’t get your comment to be honest..

Show quote history

How old are you? You say he’s not a child but your comment above sounds like a child!

“And if he did love me why is he not helping me in my house and being a proper man providing for me and looking after me ?”

It’s your house why should he provide for you, provide for yourself. Does he plan to stay over at your house some nights? Seems bizarre you would pay someone to stay in their home when you have your own

Original poster
LoopyLoz2290 · 09/09/2024 21:40

Coconutter24 · 09/09/2024 19:32

How old are you? You say he’s not a child but your comment above sounds like a child!

“And if he did love me why is he not helping me in my house and being a proper man providing for me and looking after me ?”

It’s your house why should he provide for you, provide for yourself. Does he plan to stay over at your house some nights? Seems bizarre you would pay someone to stay in their home when you have your own

Show quote history

Thank you I no this is my point exactly why should I be paying and staying at a house what’s not my own ? I stay there to be with him , when I say providing and looking after me I mean he should be looking after me he’s a man . We should look after each other iv. Even with him 11 months now I see a relationship we’re a man provides for the house end of the day iv been brought up like a woman takes care of the house and the man never lets her struggle ?! Why would a fully grown man live with his mother anyway ? I do provide for my self but my point is I provide for me and when I get my money he expects me to spend my money on him and give his mum money . My past relationship my ex worked full time and helped me decorate my home and always made sure I didn’t struggle ?

OP posts:
Original poster
LoopyLoz2290 · 09/09/2024 21:44

GaladrielHiggins · 07/09/2024 20:13

Oh Lord, dump him, their relationship isn’t going to change, you’ll just tie yourself in knots trying to make it work when it won’t ever happen. There are three people in this relationship and two of them are happy with the way it is.

My point exactly! Iv said this too! I told him it’s like he’s in a relationship with his mum , when I say something he gets really defensive and twists everything I say to him like I’m always in the wrong . He lies constantly and gets caught out !

OP posts:
Chewbecca · 09/09/2024 21:45

Your perspective on relationships is unusual in 2024 and, it seems, isn't shared by your BF.

RampantIvy · 09/09/2024 21:45

Just dump him. He will never cut the apron strings.

Original poster
LoopyLoz2290 · 09/09/2024 21:45

Mrsttcno1 · 09/09/2024 19:29

He doesn’t live at your house, that’s why he isn’t helping you with it? Why should he be moving in with you? It sounds like he is happy where he is.

Show quote history

Well I y should he not move in with me ? We have been together nearly 1 year now he’s nearly 30 year old so why would he not want to settle down with his girlfriend

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 09/09/2024 21:50

Well why should he not move in with me ?

Because he will expect you to do everything his mummy does for him. He won't lift a finger to help you and he won't share your living costs.

But most of all - his clingy mummy won't let him leave home.

You need to raise your bar. This will never go anywhere

Onautopilot · 09/09/2024 21:56

What Rampantivy said, but also please DO NOT get pregnant!!

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