Does everybody get intrusive thoughts?

[OverShrinkerThinker]

I've had them all my life even as a child but I just shrugged them off because I knew I was a good person and I was just "being a twat" but as an older woman (40s) and being a massive over thinker / worrier I'm convinced I must be an impure person. The more I try not to have them the worse they get, it's like there is something in my mind trying to frighten me, keep pushing them to the next extreme and convince me I'm a monster. I feel such guilt when my parents tell me they love me because if people knew the shit my mind makes up they'd be mortified. I burst into tears in a public toilet last weekend because they were that bad. I can't say what they exactly are but they are so upsetting and sometimes really inappropriate. Does everybody get this? If I had a wish it wouldn't be for any of these thoughts to come true it would be to get rid of them, just be happy in myself and for the guy I secretly like to fall in love with me, not any of this shit. I have always been a worrier, always struggled to like myself but I really don't want to waste time worrying that I'm some kind of monster. I'm going on holiday soon I just want to enjoy it and not feel this horrible, gut wrenching shame. I've been struggling with this for a month since a family funeral (where it flared up) and overthinking it so much I feel like my head is going to explode. Why can't I just be happy and remember that I really am (I hope) a good person 😔 is this a form of self harm?

Have you told your GP, had any counselling, tried antidepressants?

Not to this extent OP no and when I do have them it's usually a sign my MH is sliding and I need some help again. Your GP is probably your first port of call and you don't need to tell them the content of the thoughts, just that they're intrusive and impacting your life. Please do speak to someone, you're not a monster and this isn't your fault.

As you’re in your 40’s, I’d think peri menopause too.

I had these for many years, many years ago.

Eventually had treatment for depression and changed some things in my life, and eventually I realised they'd gone away.

It's only with the benefit of years looking back that I realise how sad and not normal they were. They were exhausting to deal with all the time, and excruciatingly embarrassing and shameful to tell anyone about.

In hindsight I think it was an awful symptom of very long-standing depression.

Please reach out to your GP for help, you don't have to live with this OP.

Agree with above posters recommending GP. In addition, some people find it helpful to externalise the thoughts a bit. For example you could imagine a parrot on your shoulder that is the one spouting the nonsense thoughts. When you get one pop into your mind you could say to yourself. “There goes that parrot speaking gibberish again” - it somehow takes away the shame whilst still noticing the thoughts rather than trying to push it away or run from it, hoping this makes sense. Laughing at it takes away its power, Thoughts aren’t facts. You are a good person!!

I promise you, you ARE a good person. That's why this is upsetting you so much.
I read that it's people with the most developed social consciences that get intrusive thoughts.
I get them but don't pay them any mind. They're not a reflection of who I am.
It wasn't always this way. After the birth of my second child (now 18!), it was HORRENDOUS. I had postnatal anxiety and my intrusive thoughts were off the scale. I honestly thought I was capable of harming my baby. I used to lie in bed at night and think "I can always kill myself if it gets too bad."
It was the worst year of my life.
Id like to recommend a book. It's called 'the Imp of the Mind' by Lee Baer. It helped me with my intrusive thoughts.
I promise you, you are NOT alone! And everything is going to be alright x

Apparently one in eight children has intrusive thoughts at some point (an average of three or four in every school class statistically) and it's probably more common again for adults. So not everyone by any means, but it's also not at all uncommon.

The usual recommendation is to notice them and acknowledge to yourself that they are intrusive thoughts and not "you" but just that - intrusive noise. You then choose whether to tell them to go away or practice "turning down the volume" mentally (a mindfulness technique similar to imagining making a painful memory gray-scale and then minimising it on a computer screen to make it smaller and smaller until it vanishes, and doing it every time the memory turns up.

You can imagine turning down the volume of the unwanted intrusive thoughts/ voice with an old fashioned radio knob or the volume bar on your phone every time and eventually doing so becomes habit. Some people actually have positive intrusive thoughts (say hearing the voice of a beloved dead grandparent saying positive things to them as a genuinely"external" intrusive but not unwelcome, though disconcerting, voice) which they choose to "keep " or focus on but sadly it's less common and doesn't sound like what you're currently experiencing.

You definitely also need to talk to someone and sich as your GP or a mental health team as the voices are unpleasant, and you may wish to go on the waiting list for therapy and/ or accept medication such as antidepressants.

The voices network and mental health charities with helplines are good, non judgemental resources.

No matter how unsavoury the intrusive thoughts are they don't mean you are bad, they're a mental health issue just as anxiety, depression, bipolar disorders, psychosis etc. are and no more part of your personality than a rash or wart or outbreak of a skin disorder or nits which you might have but want not to have! The important thing is to remember that they are not your thoughts and you don't need to act on them, but seek help to dampen them down so you can more easily "tune them out", "turn them down", ignore them or get rid of them.

OP I think they are a symptom of something else I'm no medical professional so I would like to hazard a guess as to what but clearly mental health related , but I think you need to speak to Gp and explain it to them for all you know there is a medication that will help maybe it's an imbalance who knows but why suffer like that all these years if there is something that could help x

This is actually a form of OCD, and the intrusive thoughts centre around the fear of ‘what if I have this (insert unpalatable thought) thought, what does it mean about me, does it mean I really think that, what if people knew it about me etc etc. And this fear then causes a fear of the thought itself, which causes it to happen again and the process self perpetuates. I have known patients with OCD to have it about all sorts. Interestingly it is not uncommon for young men with OCD to have intrusive thoughts about paedophilia for instance, and this is particularly distressing for them (to be clear, they do not have paedophillic tendencies, but a profound fear of the ‘what if I did have them’ scenario).

OP I would absolutely seek help for this and read up on intrusive thoughts in OCD. My money is on this being what is going on for you. Hang in there - treatment and understanding what is going on can be transformative.

Yes, I forgot to say this. It's definitely OCD related.

It's a form of OCD. I've suffered since I had children, 30 years ago. I've been looked after by MH services all that time ( I also have bipolar disorder) but no one knows the true extent of the terrible thoughts I have and they've rotted my very soul. Please seek help op, it's out there, in the form of thera, support and medication. I so feel for you.

I really do and they are all health related

DD has had them for probably six years, at worst they consume her every hour and are exhausting. She managed them with CBT therapy and fluoxetine. Stress makes them worse. They can come for months and not go away, at the moment they are not causing a problem, and shes reduced the medication.

Her therapist said it was OCD.

Even when she’s well, she overthinks and catastrophizes everything.

I get them. I keep seeing reels on instagram where women talk about their intrusive thoughts being that they might fall down the stairs with the baby, or drop them. To me they're beginner level intrusive thoughts.

My intrusive thoughts are more like I could throw the baby down the stairs or push her pram into traffic.

The thoughts don't mean I don't love my baby or that I'm any more likely than your average person to throw their baby down the stairs. They're just thoughts. As a PP said, thoughts are not facts.

I think the difference is, I can have an intrusive thought and move on from it without it affecting my MH or every day life. If I were you I'd get help, not for the thoughts themselves but for how significantly they're affecting you.

Thank you for not telling me I'm a monster. I'm a good person. I wish this over analysing would just fuck off. Every time I try to be happy I just feel like something tells me "oh no don't you dare try to find peace and if you do imagine this, imagine that" and I'm dragged down again. I keep telling myself that if I was a bad person (and I have known bad people) surely I wouldn't be phased?

I wasted all of my teenage years and early 20s convinced I was HIV positive because a boyfriend shagged a sex worker. It took 7 years of my life worrying and being unable to enjoy life before I could face getting tested. I don't want to waste the next decade worrying about something else so stupid. I'm such a worrier. If I won the lottery I'd feel guilty. I just want to feel like I deserve to be happy and to not hate myself.

Yes, I get a very particular one.
Nearly 95% of people do! The difference between them getting worse/overwhelming, is exactly what you notice you didn't used to do, but you do now - in the past you just thought, that's a weird thought, but it's not a fact about me, and you moved on with your life. Now you try to stop them - thought stopping actually increases intrusive thoughts, so this is your problem.
Ask your GP about getting some help, or look up your local IAPT service.
Don't thought stop, find a way to take the power out of it. And work out what real stresses you are under, what you should be paying attention to, to improve your stress levels and happiness. These thoughts are just thoughts, they will pass.

I don't want to see a doctor, I just want it all to fuck off and leave me alone. I'm very frightened, if I see a doctor I'm validating it and giving it recognition. I just wish I was as carefree and young and (narcissistic?) as I used to be. I don't want to feel poorly. Narcissists don't give a fuck about anything and they feel no remorse or shame at all, on the other hand people who are too in touch with empathy and morals and boundaries will torture themselves if their minds are not 100% perfect. I am too much on the wrong side, I wish I could just get back in the middle.

Defo ocd. Treatments exist but accepting diagnosis is the first bit. Images and thoughts can be horrific and distressing. Worse when tired or stressed or peri or post natal. Please see a skilled person for this.

On the guilt and worry angle OP, I used to be like this.

I mistakenly thought that feeling guilty or worried were somehow worthy pastimes. They are not. They are a waste of energy. I also used them as protection... I couldn't be blamed for anything if I was already feeling guilty about it, and I couldn't badly fail on anything if I'd been worried about it, could I?

You can reflect on, and learn from the past. You can think about, and plan for the future. These are positive things. You should make designated time for having these thoughts. They are fundamentally different from guilt and worry.

I bet you have childhood trauma resulting from fear of failure / undermining yourself / people pleasing. That's where the guilt and worry as 'good things to do' came from for me.

On seeing a doctor... me too!!!

What would you advise a friend to do in this situation? Do that, for yourself.

You have to also accept that it's ok to see a doctor (see above re fear of failure). Seeing a doctor is not a failure, it's a positive step.

Read the book overcoming unwanted and intrusive thoughts, or you can get it on audibles. My counsellor recommended it to me, it’s really good at explaining unwanted thoughts. I’ll try and explain a bit here but I really recommend getting the book. Everyone has unwanted thoughts, most people just brush off these thoughts and the thought is forgotten. These thoughts become obsessive when we give them attention, for example if you imagine driving someone over with your car and your reaction to that thought is horror your brain remembers your reaction, it thinks oh that thought is important, so it keeps replaying the thought. It doesn’t make you a bad person, you are not your thoughts, these thoughts are just stuck in your head.

This is the main thing that worries me. I have zero history. I have parents and grandparents who absolutely love me, I was not abused. My life has been filled with love. People on here would kill to have lived my childhood. I am loved. There is just no need for any of this! It's such a waste of time.

I don't want to see a doctor, I just want it all to fuck off and leave me alone. I'm very frightened, if I see a doctor I'm validating it and giving it recognition. Seeing a doctor is the way to get it to fuck off. You may as well accept it is happening so that you can get better, as you say yourself it is currently affecting your life really badly.

I think if you attribute shame to them then it can become harder to let them wash away. Likewise if you attach meaning to them.

I think recognising that you have them is good though and maybe looking at what the core belief is you are holding onto.

Some of mine I've had are that my mum hated me growing up, that I dislike my family, that my family are wierd, that I'm a social reject, it would just be better if I wasn't here.

The best way to deal with them is to just keep moving forward in life.