Does everybody get intrusive thoughts?

[OverShrinkerThinker]

I've had them all my life even as a child but I just shrugged them off because I knew I was a good person and I was just "being a twat" but as an older woman (40s) and being a massive over thinker / worrier I'm convinced I must be an impure person. The more I try not to have them the worse they get, it's like there is something in my mind trying to frighten me, keep pushing them to the next extreme and convince me I'm a monster. I feel such guilt when my parents tell me they love me because if people knew the shit my mind makes up they'd be mortified. I burst into tears in a public toilet last weekend because they were that bad. I can't say what they exactly are but they are so upsetting and sometimes really inappropriate. Does everybody get this? If I had a wish it wouldn't be for any of these thoughts to come true it would be to get rid of them, just be happy in myself and for the guy I secretly like to fall in love with me, not any of this shit. I have always been a worrier, always struggled to like myself but I really don't want to waste time worrying that I'm some kind of monster. I'm going on holiday soon I just want to enjoy it and not feel this horrible, gut wrenching shame. I've been struggling with this for a month since a family funeral (where it flared up) and overthinking it so much I feel like my head is going to explode. Why can't I just be happy and remember that I really am (I hope) a good person 😔 is this a form of self harm?

Not everybody gets them. I don't get them. But my teenage daughter does; she has OCD. Fluoxetine helps her and so does specific CBT (a type called ERP is the one recommended). You can have OCD with just intrusive thoughts, apparently, you don't have to have handwashing rituals etc.

Afaik my daughter hasn't had any childhood trauma. She does have relatives on both sides who have OCD, though. It often runs in families. I'm lucky to have escaped it myself.

It's possible that you have relatives who also have this but who keep it secret. One of the nasty things about OCD is the sense of shame and secrecy which seems to accompany it; it's like the disease is protecting itself by trying to prevent you from seeking help. Honestly, you should see a doctor. I know it's hard. But your alternative is continuing to suffer like this. No doctor (or other person!) will judge you for your intrusive thoughts, but the illness produces feelings of guilt and fear which do not correspond with this reality.

I’ve had them all my life - when I was too little to articulate what was going on I used to say, ‘I’ve got bad feelings.’

I was diagnosed with anxiety ten years ago, and will be on medication for life.

Nowadays, they ebb and flow with hormones, stress, etc. They got very bad indeed before I started HRT.

I use them as a gauge for where my mental/physical health is at these days. You’re not a bad person. You’re just anxious. Have a look at Pure OCD.

I’ve had them all my life as far as I remember. It’s exhausting.

Re. Seeing a GP. If it reaches the point where the thoughts are distressing you, anti depressants can give you respite from that, while you work on improving other areas of your life.

The other thing is to recognise the source of the intrusive thoughts - is it actually someone else's guilt, someone else's actions, that we are playing out in our head? Because you and only you get to be in control of what is in your head.

An example of that is someone made a negative comment about my weight and I found myself agonising over what to wear. I then realised where it came from and instead told myself that the negative comment said more about them than about me and then it went away.

One book which my daughter's psychologist recommended to her is this one:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/1626254346?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_title

I had a look inside and one sentence that struck me was something like "Sane and good people have these thoughts." They do - my daughter is a lovely and kind person, an absolute darling. She just suffers from OCD. Treatment has helped her so much and I just hope the improvement continues.

I have realised that my intrusive thoughts get louder and more elaborate / catastrophic when I am stressed, under pressure or feeling low in mood. They can fade away as quickly as they arrive so I know they will pass and work hard not to believe in them too much. It was definitely a symptom of untreated anxiety and depression that I had which luckily is under control now. They are a good indicator that I need to slow down, rest, exercise etc. I think they're more common for a lot of people that you might think. See your GP

Also check out ocd-uk.org - lots of useful stuff.

My ds has ocd, I have it too and the psychiatrist says everyone gets intrusive thoughts but for most people they just float on by. People who struggle hold onto those thoughts, question, analyse them which starts a whole cycle where it can get worse and worse.
It's very hard to do but you have to accept the thought but don't give much significant to it. Easier said than done though.

Ps. Look up 'Pure O' it's a type of ocd X

It's all so consuming. Please look up 'Pure OCD' and if you can you need ERP therapy X

I just want reassurance that I'm not a monster 😔

Individuals that a highly consciousness can suffer worse with intrusive thoughts. They are the OPPOSITE of who you are and that's why it affects you so much. I 100 percent mean this. You are not a monster xx

Thank you I am almost crying with relief x

It’s definitely a form of OCD and from the reading I’ve done and the therapy I’ve had over the years for mine, apparently everyone has intrusive thoughts. A lot of people even have the horrid, vile ones. The difference between people without OCD and those with is that that for those with, they realise it’s ‘just a random thought’, like a weird anomaly and they think nothing more of it. People with OCD latch onto the thought which then distressses them and it makes it seem more real and more scary and then you think about it more and ruminate and ruminate and the thoughts seem to get stronger. One therapist of mine said intrusive thoughts are like a social media feed - once you interact with them, they keep showing you more!

I never used to have any outward compulsions, it was always inside my head and I would try and think the thoughts away, which just made it worse.

You say you don’t want to see your doc but you really should. There are meds that can help. When I first had intrusive thoughts 30 years ago, there was no internet to tell me I wasn’t the only one and I genuinely though I was evil. I do find it much better now because I follow accounts on FB and Instagram and just knowing I’m not the only one really does help.

I love the Dare app for all sort of anxiety related things but this is a good (but long) video. There are also some other vidoes on their You Tube channel on intrusive thoughts that might help.

But also, no, you are NOT a monster. And as Dolphin says they really are the complete opposite who you are…that is why they are so distressing.xx

@OverShrinkerThinker I have exactly this and currently having therapy with a psychologist to help me. You can overcome it. I was hit hard with it first time around about 20 years ago, then after having kids, I was totally fine for a number of years. It's come back this year but unlike you I have a lot of trauma from my teenage years that I think reared it's head again and kicked it all off.

Maybe the stress of worrying about it is the 'trauma' that keeps the cycle going
..become less afraid of the thoughts and reduce the weight you give them, you will feel less stressed, and so you won't think about it as much...I appreciate that is much much harder than it sounds. I absolutely understand that when you are entrenched in it it's very hard to rationalise and feel any hope that it can be beaten.

I'm not on medication so don't feel that is an essential step but I would recommend getting some kind of support. I am seeing a proper psychologist(not just a counsellor) and she is worth her weight in gold. She does schema therapy which is all about the different parts of you and how you talk to yourself. And a specific type of cbt therapy around exposure and response/acceptance. Feel free to message me if you want any more info or some reassurance that you are not alone. Big hugs as I fully appreciate how horrendous you can feel.

@OverShrinkerThinker how are you feeling today?

You are not a monster. You are an empath. This can go with that sometimes is all.

Try to associate a nice thing with each thought. That is how I have handled very bad episodes of this.

Do you have bad dreams too?

I had OCD and during the worst of it this is how it felt for me too. I did have CBT for the OCD and anxiety and I am much better now as I also felt like it was ruining my life

You are not a monster as you hate the thoughts you do not enjoy them. Someone who was a real monster would encourage them as fantasises and enjoy them. You do not do this they upset you. That’s the difference.

This is what I came here to say - it's a form of OCD and some form of therapy is advised. I don't mean necessarily through your doctor (though that's a possibility) but there are many groups run by OCD specialists. Your local library or even noticeboards in cafés or supermarkets may have details. These groups will be free with no commitment necessary.

I'm okay I suppose, I have a new book so I'm going to get stuck into that. Distract myself. I'm fine when I'm at work because I'm so busy, I think a big part of the problem is I have so much time alone (massive introvert) so I think about things more than most people. I also definitely have OCD. Repetitive thinking etc and I always find ways to beat myself up! I really am not very nice to myself.

@OverShrinkerThinker you've hit the nail on the head here "I really am not very nice to myself."...I think therapy would help you as you sound very similar to me and thr schema therapy is all about the different parts of ourself...vulnerable child, scolding parent etc...OCD tends to make the derogatory voices shout the loudest and the therapy is to try and help you quieten them down and let some of the other parts of you speak up.