Does masking cause any long term harm ?

[Needalotofcoffee]

My dd has ASD and has just started school. Was previously in nursery. She masks / zones out / stops talking/ disassociates a lot. Equally she does have some fun and isnt unhappy there just somehow overwhelmed? so I know she is getting some positives from school.

What Im wondering is having to mask a lot actually harmful or is it a coping strategy that is not going to cause any problems? I don’t want her to get to burnout stage. If she was doing it all of the time or it got more frequent I’d start to think maybe school wasn’t right for her but I do think she’s benefitting and sometimes that very small push just slight out of her comfort zone is ok? She will adjust slowly? Or is it actually better to avoid any situations that make her mask etc?

I don't think you can avoid all situations where she is likely to mask. It's not even been a week, give it to half term at least.

Whether she masks or not probably will depend on the reaction she gets to her autistic traits. If she is surrounded by people who accept her unconditionally, or by people who are similar to her then she may not mask as much. But tbh mainstream school can be pretty unforgiving for autistic children. Masking does come a very high cost, especially when children get to secondary age and above. It is a huge cause of burnout which results in quite poor mental health for a lot of autistic people. I also don’t agree with pushing autistic children out of their comfort zone too much. It will increase anxiety and stress. Better to let the child be led by their own interests

This is what I’m worried about but I can’t work out if a small amount of masking is something that I need to expect and not worry about as the benefit of school is so great but I need to recognise when it’s tipped too far the other way and the masking increases? I just want to make sure I’m doing the right thing

Masking is known to lead to depression, anxiety and be bad for mental health. That said, there are ways to deal with stims and things that might be problematic, but I find redirecting to a replacement that is acceptable rather than trying to eliminate things altogether, seems to work well. Of course, all autistic people are different in how this might work for them, or not.

Imagine having to go through life pretending to be someone you're not and suppressing who you are? Exhausting.

She will have to do sone level of masking to get by. And this is normal. Then they get all peopled out after a day at school.

My son is autistic. I take him straight home from school and he spends an hour on his own to decompress. I’ve long given up on after school clubs or play dates on school nights but feel like his tolerance is beginning to build. We eat the same time every night and his bedtime is exactly the same time no matter what’s going on; holidays etc. You have to facilitate her downtime, I think it’s really important. Autistic kids find school exhausting and she will need her rest.

I'm an autistic woman and I mask a lot - life requires it unfortunately! It doesn't do any harm but it is bloody exhausting. Make lots of space in her life for her to decompress in the best ways she can. For me it's - into my comfy/sensory favourite clothes as soon as possible, hydrating a lot (I don't drink when I'm out/stressed!) being alone for a while, tv, curling up, eating but not at the table, getting absorbed in one of my hobbies etc.

I don’t think it’s harmful (exhausting maybe), but defo good for coping with later life.

I think it is a helpful strategy for autistic people to cope... until it's not helpful anymore. Masking too much or for too long can lead to burn out (it's exhausting!) and can also damage sense of self, making it hard for others to appreciate and understand that the "masker" is autistic. With regular opportunity to decompress and time to experience lower demands, on balance, I think it's useful.

Here is the thing we all mask. We have to follow or at least give the appearance of following social norms and rules to get by in the social group. We don’t get to behave exactly as we would like to. The problem with autism is instead of it being quite a lot unconscious as it is for NT, they have to use more energy and do it consciously. None of us would get through a day of life with any form of friends or acquaintances by just responding to our internal emotions, sensory experiences without applying a socially acceptable output filter aka a mask. I have two kids with ASD and yes masking is another one of the many conscious filters they have to apply in a way that NTs have automated. Sensory input filters are missing in the same way as the output filters and all of that is absolutely exhausting for people with ASD.

Thankyou - I think I’ll make sure she has plenty of time to decompress

Everyone masks. When they pretend to be on antibiotics in early pregnancy to not drink. When they are one person with their family and another with friends. When they smile amdnask how they can help, but despair inside.

Masking on its own isn't a problem, although good reasons given above for when it becomes problematical or exhausting. Give any autistic person an environment where they can be authentic is all you can do.

Zoning out is not the same as masking. The whole point of masking is that you can't tell by looking if someone is masking or not. So especially with little kids, you don't know if she's masking.

Just give plenty of time to chill out and let her get on with things.

I can tell but I’ve noticed other people will see dd when she is zoned out and / or masking and they will think she’s absolutely fine. I can see a huge shift in her behaviour her eyes her mannerisms though

I’m AuDHD (adult diagnosed). I am so used to masking, my challenge is unmasking! I mask for work. I’m in a professional job. I need to keep a professional distance with my patients and work hard not to overshare! I do sometimes divulge that I’m ‘neurodivergent’ to patients who are as well. They get that I see things differently.
I agree with pp - zoning out is the opposite of massing. Zoning out is my happy place 😂
Key for me is having down time when I can unmask. Comfy clothes, watching the same TV shows over and over again, playing on my phone, doing crochet. My DD is similar to me. I was advised to create her a sensory box - something for all 5 senses. She has a fidget toy, scented lipgloss, photo of us on a nice day out, music to listen to and chocolate. She uses it after school and when she’s been to her Dad’s. I’d recommend setting one up for when your DD comes home.

I believe I understand what you mean by your take on 'zoning out,' which you've connected to masking. When you mentioned zoning out, I pictured your little girl staring into space with a heavy expression on her face, perhaps while kids are playing around her. It seems like that's another form of zoning out.

Someone further up said "Masking is known to lead to depression, anxiety and be bad for mental health" The uncomfortable truth is that autism is known to lead to depression, anxiety and be bad for mental health. I share this from my own experience of having it and being marked unfit for work, although I am capable of being self-employed and am successful in this way since my main challenge is social interaction.

You’re making a great choice by giving her the chance to attend a mainstream school. Masking may always be part of her life, so it’s important for her to get used to being around others to some degree. If possible, half days could be a good idea, and good open communication with her teachers is very helpful. Some schools may even allow you to come in and help, and having a timeout card for her could provide a helpful break. If you in a position to do so, you might consider half home teaching. I would've benefited from a mix of at home schooling and the normal sort to give the balance of social interaction and friendship building alongside time to decompress and breath. You know your daughter best and her needs. Some parents feel a special school is necessary for their children who can communicate well, while others with kids who stim a lot prefer mainstream options. Trust your instincts in determining what works best for her but don't pull the plug too soon, give it time. She may just need a bit longer to settle in. School years only started!

I mask A LOT but for the large part I find it beneficial. It's gained me a career I really love that affords me a really nice lifestyle so I see it as a fair trade.

However, it's EXHAUSTING and if I overdo it I risk a meltdown or just burning out and needing days to recover. So I basically play a constant balancing act of making sure I have enough recovery time. I am very lucky to have a partner who encourages me to both rest and be completely myself when not in work mode- he even learnt what all my vocal tics mean so I can be non verbal and still communicate with him. I still get it wrong sometimes.

I also keep a close check on whether I feel it's worth it. I was stuck in a job last year where I wasn't being appreciated and the manager was hard work and because of the masking I had a LOT less tolerance for this than your average person. Therefore I made an internal move to a different department and am much happier. My new manager is supportive of me having flexibility and reasonable adjustments that allow me to balance autism, enjoying my job but also having a life outside of work.

Yes that’s exactly what I mean she does it when she’s reached her limit and you can see the blankness and I can see the anxiety and she then won’t talk

I think because she doesn’t cry and scream they will say she’s been fine but in some ways she’s not getting her feelings out so it’s almost worse than a meltdown on occasion as she even just falls asleep if is in that zoned out state too long

I think all you can do is see how it goes.
And a really important thing is to make sure that home is a place where she never has to mask (as it sounds like you already do). Maybe have things at home that meet her sensory needs whatever those may be (like a little trampoline or swing or quiet sensory corner, I know that not everyone has space at home for these).
keep lines of communication open as best you can. Have a bed time routine that involves spending time with her every evening and space where she can share problems if she wants to or is able to. These are just ideas I have from my autistic DD.
sounds like you’re very aware and attentive to her needs and that’s the most important thing.
to some degree we can’t control their experiences and reactions and they will go through tough things. But if kids have a safe place (I.e safe close relationship at home) I think that makes all the difference.

I mean it will definitely affect MH if someone has to do it too much. The fact that at your daughter is dissociating is concerning. She clearly isn't coping and this will be harmful. She needs more support or possibly a Sen setting.

I think relying on or facilitating masking at school kicks the can down the road. It’s very stressful for kids IME. Try to make the environment more autistic friendly or change to a different environment as soon as possible is my advice.

I personally don't think it causes long term harm. We all mask, NT or ND. I think you can think too much about what's going on inside. Ask her how she feels. My DD is a huge masker, and often when I see her in settings she is completely zoned out, staring into space. But when she comes home she tells me exactly what sort of day she had, good and bad. You cannot avoid situations where no one masks. Even in specialist SEN settings, kids will mask.

Masking is inevitable. Even if you use a school for SN, she will mask. The only way to really minimize it would be to home school, but that might not be the right choice for her.

home school would have been great for me, but was not an option. We thought about it for our dd, but she craved social interaction, even as she got tired from it. We had an excellent experiment during Covid. Her school closed for 2 years. She had an excellent online education. It worked really well for her where it did not for other students. Her anxiety levels dropped. She was miserable because she missed her friends.

when dd gets home, she gets to zone out with screen time or even take a nap (she is a teen so that is a bit odd).

We also have done several stints of private therapy for anxiety. Having the savings set aside for this when you inevitably need it is really useful. Instead of letting problems snowball, we get on top of them quickly.

Yes, I understand. Suppression and dissociation are various interconnected manifestations of autism. I suspected that was what you meant by 'zoning out.' Google says Dissociation, casaully referred to as 'zoning out' is a defense mechanism that helps us detach from reality, especially during stressful moments. So not masking, but rather another aspect to navigate alongside it. Bless you both. I’ve noticed that sometimes girls with autism often don’t scream or cry because they're very very conscious of how others see them and want to fit in so do heavy emotion suppression, which can build up. That's why they often unleash at home. It is never going to be easy but that doesn't mean you're stuck or they there aren't other options. 121s, different provisions in place, meetings with the teachers, SEN schools, half days, etc. See if you can work with her teachers to create a kind environment for her and make it more autistic friendly enviro give it time but keep an eye on it and if she's burning out too much consider other options. Deffo shoot them an email to share your concern. Let them know that while she seems to be handling things okay in their eyes, as her mum, you’re really in tune with what’s going on and worried because you know her best and can see her struggling. It might be helpful to ask if they could keep that in mind and suggest touching base again in a few weeks. Good luck x

Many autistic people struggle to communicate in that way. Many have difficulty answering questions or grasping simple concepts like good,bad or yes, no. As a result, you may have to rely on their behaviour and how they present which teachers won't be as cued into as mum. Autism presents a huge spectrum; some kids can share their day at home and verbally offload, while others find it hard to process and can't respond when asked so they withdraw or lash out. I suspect OPs DD falls into the latter category.