To think the health visitor shouldn’t be optional anymore?

[Belindaminder]

Over the years I’ve been aware of situations that may not have escalated if a professional had noticed and intervened.
A previous neighbour refused any visits from both midwife and HV after the birth as they are ‘know it alls and it’s not necessary’. Her baby needed an emergency operation due to an illness that hadn’t been noted. Also it was discovered later on he had partial deafness which would have been picked up during the hearing test.
Someone I know well opted out of seeing a health visitor when her baby was born. As a result she has never been weighed (since birth), and has never reached out for advice or support with several issues the baby has had ‘because she’ll grow out of them naturally’.
I worry babies like this disappear into the shadows and miss out on health or developmental support they may need. Also the potential hiding of abuse (in parent or child or both), neglect, depression etc that may not be picked up until nursery age or later.
I’ve heard many horror stories that could have been prevented with a professional being aware.
I was thankful for my HV when my eldest was born. I was in an abusive situation. I really wanted to breastfeed but I was ‘forbidden’ from doing it. The HV was great at giving me a confidence boost and reassuring me my baby was healthy. The support I was given lead me to the happy situation I am now in, which wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for her. (I’ve had awful ones too, I’m not praising them as royalty, just that their profession is necessary).
I know I will see responses that it’s our human right to decide and many babies and families are absolutely fine and gain nothing by the HV visits, but what about the ones who aren’t? In my eyes as a HV I’d be concerned and suspicious about why someone opted out of something that was to provide advice and care for their child. There were no ‘repercussions’ for the people who refused a HV when they needed one. Shouldn't it be viewed as neglect?
Does anyone agree that HV visits should be part of the deal of having a baby or face the consequences, or am I on my own here?

I think growing and promoting community-based resources with HVs would have more benefits including reducing isolation, families having more time to digest information and be able to talk to multiple professionals, and enabling support that lasts beyond the early years.

There are many reasons why people are uncomfortable with a stranger, professional or otherwise, coming into their home, especially at a vulnerable time like soon after delivering a baby, a time where the mother is at higher risk of facing abuse by a medical professional - there is a reason why an alarming percent of women start becoming more anti-medical establishment including to these types of visits after giving birth and to treat them all as having something to hide just for existing with an infant is not going to help that. I'm not the only one who has never seen a HV alone in my home alone because I didn't feel safe with them, this whole idea that the HV is going to be the hero who can prevent all that is a harmful myth on multiple levels.

It's also a bit of a false security - a HV being there for maybe 10 minutes isn't going to prevent all that and plenty of people set the stage, so to speak, for visits even when we allow them. The benefits of the resources need to be encouraged, the concerns acknowledged, not forcing a stranger onto people in their own home.

Only if they become far more professional - book an actual appointment at a mutually agreed time, see people in sensible and accessible settings and stick solely to their actual expertise and official role. Calling on a poorly connected mobile phone to tell me that they’re dropping in sometime tomorrow for some unspecified “friendly chat” when I have a new baby is extremely unhelpful. So is sending me an unasked for appointment in a building not accessible by public transport, with no parking and where I can’t get a pushchair in the door.

I’m happy to receive medical advice from qualified experts - so if you as a HV with appropriate training think my child has a hearing impairment then by all means let’s refer them, test them or whatever is medically necessary. Interestingly my HV completely ignored my list of reasons I thought my DC was neurodivergent and assured me DC was absolutely 100% definitely not autistic because they made eye contact and smiled. Two years later DC had an autism diagnosis. It didn’t instil much confidence in them for DC2.

I have no interest whatsoever in parenting advice from a HV - I didn’t care what a HV found worked for her with potty training or if they think I shouldn’t sleep train. And I already had plenty of social contact, support and “a village”. So much of what my HV said was completely anecdotal, personal opinion or just trying to be overly friendly - which is fine if it’s optional and someone else finds that helpful, but not if it’s a mandatory requirement.

Youd have to vastly increase funding too. I’d much rather that funding went into providing actual GP appointments for example, or support for people who actually need and want it.

Their constant visits annoyed me hugely.. I just wanted to rest but felt I had to clean the house and get dressed and put on make up. First ever health visitor wrote a snotty comment in my red book saying that I had complained of being tired...she'd asked how I was and I had said cheerily "I'm fine thanks, bit tired, obviously" it was a light hearted quip. After that I basically felt I had to look my best and put on a show... judgemental cow.

I have had no faith whatsoever in heath visitors since DD was sitting in front of the fire being observed at her 1 year checkup when she piped up clear as a bell, 'my mummy kicks me' (I didn't 😳) and the health visitor just simpered 'ahh' and laughed instead of asking questions, checking for bruises etc.

It's also a bit of a false security - a HV being there for maybe 10 minutes isn't going to prevent all that and plenty of people set the stage, so to speak, for visits even when we allow them.

But it ticks their boxes and covers their arses, so who cares whether it helps you or not?

Not bollocks at all, but in 2008 in a rural area.

She was extremely patronising and implied that I should be grateful for her attention, when in reality I just wanted the wretched woman to go away so we could get on with our day.

I think the only useful thing she did was weigh DS and fill in his red book, but I could have done that.

It would be much better if they were request service. Then nervous & worried mums could request a visit, and everyone else could just get on with life.

So why didnt you opt out? Loads do….like I said ….Billy bollocks 🙄

First ever health visitor wrote a snotty comment in my red book saying that I had complained of being tired

Remember: these are sold as professional experts who can give you advice and tips about what to expect when you've just had a baby. Ordinary folk who've never had babies themselves know instinctively the obvious fact that new mums will be very tired; but an 'expert' in that very specific area doesn't know this and actually feels the need to draw attention to it. Hmm... helpful...

I didn't know I could. Funnily enough she failed to mention that.

I agree that they are generally useless. I had questions about my CS scar and also serious breathlessness, none of which they could help with. They just told me to go to A&E. Handy with a few day old baby.

I was also emotional about not breastfeeding and they couldn't care less.

The only 'good' thing mine did was check for jaundice and referred us to hospital for more test. But no treatment was needed 🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree that the home visit isn't convenient. Why can't it just be a GP check up? With someone who has medical knowledge?

if you are not happy with a service then you don’t engage…..you don’t live in a totalitarian state…..you are very able to articulate yourself…..why would you put up with that? …..it’s never been a mandatory service….you do need to be registered with a GP if you are under 16 …..and that’s it

No.

on the whole (apologies to any good ones reading) they're a useless bunch, doing more harm than good.

I don't much care about your thoughts of me for refusing to see them 🤷🏻‍♀️

it's most cases of abuse/death HV & SS have been involved...

On my first baby the HV told me to stay in for 6 weeks with a new born. That great if that makes you happy but I would have gone mad! (I was younger and had an easy labour).

How old are you…..108?? 🤣🤣🤣

They mostly never, ever tell you that it's an option to decline them. They never seem to tell you, as they patronisingly assume that 'of course' you will want to see them. Even if they do tell you, most new mums will be worried about being suspected of being up to no good and having something to hide if they decline - as shown by this OP.

Or - from personal experience - they just turn up the morning after you're discharged (late in the evening) - with nobody ever telling you that they will be coming; then they get huffy because you're trying to put your baby's and your own entirely predictable health and welfare needs first rather than wait around for their unexpected, unannounced, unarranged visit.

I suppose I’d find it easier to agree if it didn’t seem that a lot of HVs aren’t especially helpful. We didn’t get much from ours other than being told not to use a sleepyhead, to use CIO for sleep training and that baby led weaning causes choking accidents.

To be fair they are nurses (sometimes not even that) specialising in baby and child development, I think expecting them to know anything about adult breathlessness or c-section wounds is unreasonable.

Illustrates half the issue with them though - no one knows exactly they are, what they’re for or that they’re optional. Calling them “health visitors” is spectacularly vague for a start.

Are you talking about midwives? Health visitors visit between 10 and 14 days ( and have done for the last 15 years at least)…..they wouldn’t visit any earlier as they are tracked on these times and are in trouble for not visiting in these time frames…..midwives visit day after discharge then at 5 days then at 10 days….midwives give no time just say a date….health visitors usually specify am or pm.

To this day, I don't actually know their precise role. We were all just absolutely shattered, having finally been allowed to leave at 10pm the previous night (originally told it would be around 6pm), and then two people in a uniform turned up at 10am.

They were the only ones who came out for health/official/welfare-related purposes; we never had anybody else. The other appointments (always helpful to be given the basic respect of an agreed time) were at local health centres, which were much more helpful.

You need to remember that, just because you are clued up about your rights and what you can demand, a great many mums - especially FTMs - not unreasonably rely on the hospital and GP to keep them informed. Women should not be expected to learn all of this themselves in advance and prepare to battle against them at a very vulnerable time; the professionals should do their job properly and respectfully.

HVs were registered midwives or nurses before they became health visitors, so it’s not at all ‘fucking ridiculous’ that they might be able to offer advice on what is normal for a c section wound.

No they wouldn’t because things change…..they don’t keep themselves up to date anymore ….they are no longer able to practise as midwives as time passes without a return to practice course…..they are not going to risk their PIN giving potential outdated advice or work outside their remit of the job role……they will always refer a mother to the gp or midwife……like I said ….fucking ridiculous 🙄

and the majority of adult nurses, mental health nurses and LD nurses will never have had any experience of a c section wound

@TheShellBeach Artificial feeding ? Are you purposely being a dick ? Not every one can breastfeed and would take great offence to that statement

I knew this would turn into a HV bashing thread, they are universally hated on mumsnet. In real life I've only ever met lovely ones, I've had 3 kids and also worked in Health care, so met some on a personal level, some through work. My HV supported me and my kids through a nasty divorce.

On a separate note, it's actually scary how easy it is to have kids and jeep them "under the radar", but God forbid we have the "nanny state" interfering eh?

I'm not surprised she got huffy. Some women can't or really don't want to breastfeed and I couldn't get hot and bothered about a bag with SMA on it.
I breastfed my eldest two for a year each but struggled with my youngest and did use "artificial" milk after a few months.
Surprisingly, 🙄 she's thrived and is now a happy,
intelligent, strong almost teen.