Being called a failure

[Failinginlife]

As I am 40 and no kids, single and still at home.
When I wrote on another forum they said I very much was a failure and that there was no chance I could ever meet someone if I wanted to as they would automatically turn away from me due to my life and also as I have lupus and crohns.
Do I just accept that at my age and circumstances, they are right and there isn't any point even trying to meet someone? I am very ugly as well and shy which doesn't help

Well how unkind. I'm sorry you've had to listen to that.

If you'd like to meet someone it's never too late, there are plenty of ways to engineer this, be it online, activity groups, work or social events that attract like minded people.

Don't pay these people any mind; they don't matter.

Please get yourself to counselling. I’m getting old and I have never met anyone who’s ugly! Living with chronic conditions means that you’re succeeding, not failing. Do what interests you and start to make friends. That’s more fulfilling in the long run, than a partner, though I realise you don’t feel that way at the moment. The only other thing I can suggest is that you start to write the story of your life so far xx

What a horribly uncalled-for and nasty thing for a random stranger to say to you. I'm so sorry that happened, and please don't take it to heart.

There are some real bastards out there.

If i wasn't so outraged I'd laugh. My SIL has lupus, 15 years older than you and met someone lovely. I have a (hidden) disability and met someone amazing. Never heard such a load of bollocks.

Nearly a whole forum of people were saying the same thing.
That I am laughable.
A complete failure.
How embarrassing I am.
And that no man would even come near me because I have nothing going for me.
Their words have played over and over in my head. I know at my age I shouldn't care but their words keep repeating themselves in my mind.

A certain type of man might not come near you and I would thank your lucky stars for that

I feel awful. There were hundreds of comments mainly saying the same thing.

I've known several single women meet their life partner/husband after the age of forty.

By the way, I'm sure you're not "very ugly" as you've described yourself. That's a terrible and untrue thing to say about yourself.

Why don't you tell us something positive about yourself? There will absolutely be something.

@Failinginlife what a horrible sounding forum! What a horrible bunch of people posting. Judging a human being's worth by such criteria is nonsense. We are all worthwhile individuals, everyone is unique and interesting in their own way. You are managing with significant health challenges that would daunt people who don't have to live with them. Please don't think of yourself as a "failure". You're not.

Don't bother with those vile people. Remember only take notice of opinions of those you respect. I didn't mery anyone until 45. My situation is different to ur's but I don't think ur situation means h won't mert anyone. A big obstacle will be your poor opinion of yourself, u vould end up.meetingbup.with someone who preys on ur insecurity.

Was it Reddit by any chance, some horrid keyboard warriors on there and the misogyny is rife.

NO they are not correct, they are sad little people hiding behind an anonymous profile.

I hope you can find some confidence in yourself OP, we all deserve to be treated with kindness, start with little things that make you feel a little better. And maybe stay off that forum (come here it's much nicer, most of the time)

I’m sorry OP That’s horrible.
I’m on my own now too, though I live alone rather than being with my parents. I have been concentrating on achieving the things that I want to do for me, rather than desperately trying to find a partner.
For me that means travelling and seeing lots of art and culture so I do my best to have something to look forward to every weekend.

Life is too short to sit at home watching the world pass by.

I mean wtf?! Was it some kind of bizarre roasting forum?!

Staying away from Reddit and not asking them if you're attractive/will ever find somebody would be a start (can't think of any other site where this would even come up, much less where somebody would post a picture asking for opinions).

You were on the wrong forum. The nasty comments say more about those people than they do about you.

You are absolutely not a failure and most certainly not ugly. I don't think I've ever met someone that I'd describe as ugly.

@ohthejoys21 How did your sister and you meet your partners?

Ignore the nasty people on the other forum. I am willing to bet that they are no oil paintings themselves.
Whilst beauty may only be skin deep, ugly personalities like theirs go to the bone.
Like a previous poster, I am older, and I have never seen anyone who is ugly.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There will be someone out there who sees the beauty in you.

Absolutely nothing is set in stone unless you are actually already dead!

I have a friend I’ve know since we were kids. She has a very loving husband despite having fibromyalgia and lived at home until her 30s. You need someone who’s just like you op. You’d be surprised at the number of people out there who want someone refreshingly kind and lovely.

What kind of forum is this?

Were the comments from men or women? Both?

A certain type of toxic toad frequents forums, likely they themselves are not exactly the world’s biggest catch but they revel in putting other people down and acting superior.

Me neither. Never anyone ugly. Only someone who doesn’t wash, clean their clothes or teeth or look after themselves.

That’s so awful! Did you post a picture? Nasty people flock to those, no matter what.

Please don't go back on that forum. Nasty comments by horrible people hoping to pull others down.
Living at home at 40 shows hopefully that you get on well with your family.
All the adult children of 1 the nicest families I know, all staying living at home together, well into 40s and some are still there in their 50s.
I don't know anyone who is ugly. Take care of yourself and learn to value yourself. You sound like a very nice person who deserves to be treated well by the people in your life.

Blueshoes

ohthejoys21
If i wasn't so outraged I'd laugh. My SIL has lupus, 15 years older than you and met someone lovely. I have a (hidden) disability and met someone amazing. Never heard such a load of bollocks.

@ohthejoys21 How did your sister and you meet your partners?

My SIL met hers at a dance class and I met mine (her brother) online.

Was this a forum on Reddit by any chance?

Would you say something like that to another person? I'm guessing not, so you are a better person than every single one of the arseholes that said that to you.