Being called a failure

[Failinginlife]

As I am 40 and no kids, single and still at home.
When I wrote on another forum they said I very much was a failure and that there was no chance I could ever meet someone if I wanted to as they would automatically turn away from me due to my life and also as I have lupus and crohns.
Do I just accept that at my age and circumstances, they are right and there isn't any point even trying to meet someone? I am very ugly as well and shy which doesn't help

@ohthejoys21 thanks for explaining. Pleased for you and SIL.

Blueshoes thankyou x

Yes, it was on reddit.
Some people tried being supportive but a lot were very critical. I've had good responses before on there on different topics and was feeling low so wrote the post. I really wish I hadn't though. Someone even private messaged me saying that my chances of getting a place of my own can only be achieved by meeting someone and with your low earnings, age (You are now past baby making age) and the fact you live at home, it just won't be desirable to any man at all. You are going to have to work massively harder.
There were as I said loads more negative comments about me. I also see them on here about people in my position. Sometimes feels like I try so hard to work, save, live with chronic illnesses but there are many people out there that will judge me and think I am a failure. I shouldn't care but it's really hard not to. I was even called childish and immature for being upset about the comments on there as 'You are a grown woman and you are upset over some online comments?"
Sorry. I'm coming across as pathetic now.

There’s a reason I left Reddit, it can be such a cesspit of human misery. You’re not the problem here.

Sorry you're feeling that way OP, if its any consolation I'm 42, single and currently living with my mum and I've just made an offer on a flat. My very first place by myself and I can't wait. I don't have the chronic illness to contend with, granted, but otherwise similar

Oh and don't call yourself ugly, you're not! Ungliness is people making nasty comments on Reddit, not looks

Thank you. Sometimes I feel like the only one stuck at home and there was a lot made about my age.
The ugly thing is my own opinion. I didn't mention it at all on the post, I just feel I am. Horrible lank hair, big nose, piling weight on around my middle when I was previously slim...I could go on and on.

Beat of luck with your new place. Hope you are really happy there x

I knew this would be Reddit. Honestly there are some complete idiots on there and I left a while ago due to some of the morons that use it. Pay them no heed.

Can you link the thread?

This sounds similar to a thread on here from a mother who was chastising her 39 year old daughter.

On another note there are loads of lovely human beings in this world don’t give up on finding a partner.

You are not a failure. The people on the other forum sound horrible. A lot of life, in my opinion, is down to luck. Especially when it comes to meeting a partner. Being lucky has nothing to do with success.

I deleted my account on there as I kept getting constant notifications and all negative comments. It was the best thing to do for my mental health.

Brilliant advice.
You sound like you have zero confidence and self esteem OP. How can you call yourself very ugly???? That is very sad. Please can you get some support to work on your confidence? Small steps; walks/church groups (if that's what you want). Sending you strength

@Failinginlife I have had those feelings of being a 'failure' and that other people are 'ahead' of me etc. If you'd like someone to chat to, you are very welcome to message me. 😊

Feeling even worse now I have read the thread on the other forum about adults living at home.

It's not you. It's the forum thread. There will be people there posting who have had much less life experience and understanding of the world than you! Who are they to judge?

Hey, you are NOT a failure.
There is no written rule that you have to have a partner, child and move out. Thats a set of social constructs set up by society as what is deemed the ‘norm’, but plenty of us don’t follow the norm.
I am 40, single (asexual, I’m fairly sure, I generally have no interest), childless and still at home on the family farm. I’m sure there are people judging me, but like you, I have dealt with some awful health issues since I was a child and life has not been easy or straight forward as I have had periods of very poor health that have re-routed my life several times.

I understand the way you feel though. I know people have talked about me. I know members of my own family have talked about me. But unless I follow the trajectory that these people believe is correct, I’ll never please them.
I pay my way and I am kind and always there for my friends and family. I can do more than do my best and if that’s not good enough, well there’s not much I can do about that. As someone once said, you can be the juiciest peach on the tree, but there’s always someone who doesn’t like peaches.

Think I need to stay away from it all for a bit as it's making me feel even worse about myself if that's even possible

Have you seen the people that go on Jeremy Kyle and Jerry Springfield with multiple baby daddy's and side dudes?
Have you seen my 600lb life and the husbands or boyfriends or feeder fans?
Lupus and crohns? There are far worse illnesses. Pudgy middle and live at home? Virgin? Come on some will even love it.
The fact is you must be blocking your own access to love and relationships either by being unrealistic about the type of guys you can get or by turning them down even when they try to flirt with you.
You won't get a rich, sporty, childfree, handsome man but maybe you could get a guy who is also living with his parents, has a disability or long term condition so understands your predicament, maybe he never had a long term girlfriend. Such guys exist but you might need to find them at online special interest hobby forums or support groups or niche hobbies.

If you want a different type of guy, more attractive, in a good job etc then you will have to change yourself and nobody can do this for you, you need to improve your life by yourself.