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Original poster

Do straight women ever wonder if they are bi?

27 replies

SummerSunrise · 31/08/2024 19:39

Or did you always know you’re straight with no questioning at all?

Sometimes I wonder but I have ASD and I really struggle with what is within the realm of ‘normal’ behaviour. I don’t mean that being bi is not normal, but rather, yes it’s normal to wonder as a straight woman, it doesn’t mean you’re bi. Or no, it’s not normal to wonder unless you are in fact bi.

I’ve been asked if I’m bi several times in my life, to which I always respond the same…surprise, confusion, and ‘No of course not, I’m straight’. I wonder if they see something I am not, or is this again a normal experience to be asked if you are bi when you are straight?

Sorry if these questions are really dumb, I genuinely don’t feel like I know myself that well at all, especially after ASD discovery and learning that in many cases, what I have thought of as ‘normal’ really isn’t.

OP posts:
username44416 · 31/08/2024 19:41

It's crossed my mind but never seriously. I have had little crushes on women though fundamentally am not sexually attracted to them.

lifebyfaith · 31/08/2024 19:43

I'm not sure. Had crushes on women but it doesn't seem to be a sexual thing. I do wonder what it might be like though. Maybe I'm bi curious.

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 31/08/2024 19:45

I don't at all. The thought of touching a woman intimately repulses me.

HoldingTheDoor · 31/08/2024 19:47

Personally no. I’m not at all attracted to women. I’ve never doubted my sexuality or had a “girl crush” and I can’t imagine ever having one.

Xtraincome · 31/08/2024 19:47

username44416 · 31/08/2024 19:41

It's crossed my mind but never seriously. I have had little crushes on women though fundamentally am not sexually attracted to them.

This is me. I think women tend to be more open with their sexuality and having these thoughts doesn't make you bi or not straight IYSWIM.

Wanting to actively pursue a relationship with a woman is more bi-curious I would say, maybe?

DelurkingAJ · 31/08/2024 19:50

I’m certain I’m not bi because even the idea of being intimate with another woman makes me feel repulsed (exactly like I feel about some men I find physically unattractive). It just feels fundamentally wrong for me (in a backing out of the room kind of way). I assume other people would feel the same about all men or about some men and some women.

DramaLlamaBangBang · 31/08/2024 19:50

I often think if my current relationship ended I would either stay single or if I were to have another relationship it would be with a woman but probably not likely. I'd just be single. I once went on a work trip and absolutely did fancy a woman, but that was just once years ago.

Brianny · 31/08/2024 19:51

I’ve got friends who have stated that bisexuality is a spectrum because we’re all at least a bit attracted to women. It confuses me because I can’t relate. I’m not against the thought of being bisexual/bicurious, I just really don’t think I am. When I see a woman I find attractive it’s always purely aesthetic or based in jealousy because I want to look like them. If I try to imagine doing anything sexual with them it doesn’t repulse me but it just seems pointless. Functionally I’m sure it could work but I can’t picture the scenario where I’d want to try.

ProvincialLady2024 · 31/08/2024 19:52

I do wonder if my life would happier and more equal if I was gay.

SunshineOnARainyDay3 · 31/08/2024 19:53

I think sexuality is fluid and that it is a huge scale. Me and my female friends will talk about women who are attractive and a couple of us have had a few "interactions" with women but ultimately we are all in straight relationships because that is how we feel for the majority of time. I think it is completely normal and common to have thoughts about the opposite gender. It doesn't mean you are gay/bi but also, it could mean that you are gay/bi.
But, hey, who cares?! Go with the flow, literally everything is normal.

HerVagestyTheQueef · 31/08/2024 19:55

I’ve got friends who have stated that bisexuality is a spectrum because we’re all at least a bit attracted to women

Well your friends are talking rubbish! 😀
I have never been attracted to another female in my life. Find the thought repulsive.

mitogoshi · 31/08/2024 19:56

No, I know I fancied boys from young

LuluBlakey1 · 31/08/2024 19:57

It has never crossed my mind that I am anything but attracted to men. I discussed it with a friend recently who told me she thinks she is asexual- is not sexually attracted to anyone at all. I am attracted only to men, but very few of them.

tarheelbaby · 31/08/2024 20:02

It's ok to like who/whatever you like, especially in these times. It's ok not to know. It's ok to see a person of any kind and think 'I really fancy them' or not ...

For anyone with ASD, preferring certainty, this is a particularly grey area. The answers are highly nuanced - as different as every person. Some people are very openly sexual to those they fancy. If you are more guarded, you may not appear to be clearly attracted to a certain type of person, hence the questions about whether you're bi.

This may add to your confusion, but I think most people are pan (=all) sexual. They are attracted to a variety of people for a range of reasons over the course of their lifetimes. Anyone who tells you otherwise: 'I'm only attracted to ...' is not being truthful with themselves, much less you. We've all had times when we've been attracted to someone unexpectedly who is outside our usual 'norm'.

Currently, more so than in the past, it is ok to be attracted to a wide variety of people and to show/act on this. Thus, if you like a person of any sort, in any way, be friendly and hope for the best.

Many people have a sexual preference. They prefer a particular sort of human. Society likes to label this. Heterosexual (straight) - liking the other sex (whatever that is these days? Traditionally F vs M); Homosexual - liking the same sex as yourself; Bi-sexual (with or without hypen) liking 'both' sexes, i.e. your own and the other.

Keep in mind that most of these terms were coined by (straight?) white, over-educated, (rich?) men.

adamduritz · 31/08/2024 20:03

The thought of kissing a woman or touching one intimately turns my stomach. I know I am 100% heterosexual. I don't think everyone is on a spectrum because I for one am not. All power to those who fancy women but it's not for me

witheringbook · 31/08/2024 20:04

I've had the odd 'girl crush' and honestly I'd never rule out that I might fall in love with a woman. I'd say I'm 90% straight though.

DoYouReally · 31/08/2024 20:09

I don't but I'm sure it varies from person to person.

I've just always been attracted to men. It's something I don't have control over or a choice in, it's just the way it is.

Even with the most stunning of women, there's no attraction. I might think I would love to have her figure or her beauty but that's it.

Original poster
SummerSunrise · 31/08/2024 20:18

Really insightful responses and appreciate everyone’s input so much, it’s helping me sort through things 💐

OP posts:
SunshineOnARainyDay3 · 31/08/2024 20:35

@tarheelbaby really interesting comment. That makes a lot of sense to me.
I think most people are pan (=all) sexual. They are attracted to a variety of people for a range of reasons over the course of their lifetimes.

Original poster
SummerSunrise · 01/09/2024 10:19

tarheelbaby · 31/08/2024 20:02

It's ok to like who/whatever you like, especially in these times. It's ok not to know. It's ok to see a person of any kind and think 'I really fancy them' or not ...

For anyone with ASD, preferring certainty, this is a particularly grey area. The answers are highly nuanced - as different as every person. Some people are very openly sexual to those they fancy. If you are more guarded, you may not appear to be clearly attracted to a certain type of person, hence the questions about whether you're bi.

This may add to your confusion, but I think most people are pan (=all) sexual. They are attracted to a variety of people for a range of reasons over the course of their lifetimes. Anyone who tells you otherwise: 'I'm only attracted to ...' is not being truthful with themselves, much less you. We've all had times when we've been attracted to someone unexpectedly who is outside our usual 'norm'.

Currently, more so than in the past, it is ok to be attracted to a wide variety of people and to show/act on this. Thus, if you like a person of any sort, in any way, be friendly and hope for the best.

Many people have a sexual preference. They prefer a particular sort of human. Society likes to label this. Heterosexual (straight) - liking the other sex (whatever that is these days? Traditionally F vs M); Homosexual - liking the same sex as yourself; Bi-sexual (with or without hypen) liking 'both' sexes, i.e. your own and the other.

Keep in mind that most of these terms were coined by (straight?) white, over-educated, (rich?) men.

I came back to read this again as it did resonate quite a bit. I grew up in a very repressive religion with all of the associated toxic messaging around sex/sexuality so I think that’s why I have so much confusion/guarded nature. Thank you for your insightful post.

OP posts:
x2boys · 01/09/2024 10:24

SummerSunrise · 31/08/2024 19:39

Or did you always know you’re straight with no questioning at all?

Sometimes I wonder but I have ASD and I really struggle with what is within the realm of ‘normal’ behaviour. I don’t mean that being bi is not normal, but rather, yes it’s normal to wonder as a straight woman, it doesn’t mean you’re bi. Or no, it’s not normal to wonder unless you are in fact bi.

I’ve been asked if I’m bi several times in my life, to which I always respond the same…surprise, confusion, and ‘No of course not, I’m straight’. I wonder if they see something I am not, or is this again a normal experience to be asked if you are bi when you are straight?

Sorry if these questions are really dumb, I genuinely don’t feel like I know myself that well at all, especially after ASD discovery and learning that in many cases, what I have thought of as ‘normal’ really isn’t.

I guess the question is are you attracted to a woman or women ?
You do hear of women and men who have predominantly identified aa straight suddenly being attracted to someone of the opposite sex.

Yozzer87 · 01/09/2024 10:54

I think sexuality is complicated and can be very fluid. I think women who have " girl crushes" are probably to a very small degree, bisexual, even if most of their sexual attention is towards men. That's just my opinion, but it doesn't have to be straight up 50/50 attraction to men and women. I have realised I'm bisexual over the last few years. What started as small crushes on other women has now turned sexual and I'm attracted to both sexes in almost equal measure.

Jumpstarter · 01/09/2024 10:56

I'm pretty sure I have ASD (disclaimer: no official diagnosis yet), and when I was younger I occasionally found people assuming I might be gay. Once or twice women made a move on me (I have to say that they were very sophisticated and respectful compared with most of the men who made a move on me - I was quite sorry not to have the right orientation to pursue it!). I think this may have been partly because I was quite socially inept and didn't always read/give appropriate signs in a flirting context.

I'm actually very much straight and I've never really doubted that. But I think, from talking to friends, that there are a fair number of "straight" women who do wonder about bisexuality sometimes.

Original poster
SummerSunrise · 01/09/2024 11:15

Jumpstarter · 01/09/2024 10:56

I'm pretty sure I have ASD (disclaimer: no official diagnosis yet), and when I was younger I occasionally found people assuming I might be gay. Once or twice women made a move on me (I have to say that they were very sophisticated and respectful compared with most of the men who made a move on me - I was quite sorry not to have the right orientation to pursue it!). I think this may have been partly because I was quite socially inept and didn't always read/give appropriate signs in a flirting context.

I'm actually very much straight and I've never really doubted that. But I think, from talking to friends, that there are a fair number of "straight" women who do wonder about bisexuality sometimes.

You brought up another question I was going to ask but thought maybe I shouldn’t - is it common for straight women to have been hit on by women? I have been hit on by women many times, I wondered if I give off a sort of ‘vibe’ or if this is just a common thing that happens regardless. But it’s probably due to ASD in the ways you mentioned. However in my case, I did find many of them attractive but was firmly in my ‘no I’m 100% straight so queue an awkward exit’ rigidity (not applying this to you btw!). Actually it made me feel a bit panicky, which was likely due to my upbringing rearing its ugly head.

OP posts:
Crinkle77 · 01/09/2024 11:24

No never crossed my mind. And as others have said the thought of sex with a woman makes me queasy.