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Original poster

FFs I seem to be falling for the most unlikely man

41 replies

Sparklytoe · 30/08/2024 13:49

He's someone I've known for a while, an annoying presence on the fringes of a friendship group. Lacking in social skills, which is why he can be annoying.

However, various circumstances have transpired meaning I've spent more time with him over the last few weeks and as I've got to know him better, and possibly as he's become more comfortable with me, I find him funny, intelligent, caring, honest. He has no filter, which can be a problem, but also makes him genuine. By no filter I mean he over shares, rather than says nasty things, he doesn't seem to hold those kinds of views. We also share a number of interests that make for stimulating conversation.

Anyway he's 10 years younger, 5 inches shorter, not in the least bit attractive, lives with his parents and works sporadically!

Give me a shake!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparklytoe · 30/08/2024 13:50

10 years younger and lives with his parents probably makes him seem indecently young. He's not, he's mid 40s!

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 30/08/2024 13:52

You lost me at “works sporadically” and “lives with parents”.

Original poster
Sparklytoe · 30/08/2024 13:52

BitOutOfPractice · 30/08/2024 13:52

You lost me at “works sporadically” and “lives with parents”.

I know, exactly!

OP posts:
TulipCat · 30/08/2024 13:56

It's the hardly working and living with his parents at 40 that would be a no from me. Just nip it in the bud now, as you know he's not a good catch.

Original poster
Sparklytoe · 30/08/2024 13:57

TulipCat · 30/08/2024 13:56

It's the hardly working and living with his parents at 40 that would be a no from me. Just nip it in the bud now, as you know he's not a good catch.

I don't need a good catch though. I am fully self sufficient and no plans to merge finances with anyone, ever again.

OP posts:
LostittoBostik · 30/08/2024 13:58

BitOutOfPractice · 30/08/2024 13:52

You lost me at “works sporadically” and “lives with parents”.

Yes, same. Everything else sounds very heartwarming. This bit is a complete cockblock for me

TulipCat · 30/08/2024 13:58

Sparklytoe · 30/08/2024 13:57

I don't need a good catch though. I am fully self sufficient and no plans to merge finances with anyone, ever again.

Show quote history

I don't necessarily mean financially! I mean I would find it hard to respect someone who seems to lack drive or ambition.

furusato · 30/08/2024 13:58

You could just have fun with him? It's not a law that every relationship needs to be serious and future focused.

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 30/08/2024 13:59

Hmmmm.. lives with his parents because he moved back to save money following a divorce, he works on family farm, he is a carer? Or cos he never got his shit together and grew up? If it's the latter that's major red flag and would be a deal breaker for me if I'm honest.

The age difference is OK I think and the height difference wouldn't be an issue for me. The no filter or poor social skills is OK too if he makes up for it in other areas.

loropianalover · 30/08/2024 13:59

Lacking in social skills and works sporadically are off putting.

He sounds more like a play thing or pet than a man? He’s fun to have around, but you’re not going to be able to build an equal life with him. You’ll resent that massively.

DaisyChain505 · 30/08/2024 14:00

Height and looks don’t matter. Living at home with parents and working sporadically isn’t ok.

what sort of future would you have with someone who has little to no aspirations or drive?

he would expect to go straight from mummy’s house into yours and have you take over doing his washing, making his meals and keeping a tidy house around him and how exactly would he fairly contribute without a steady job?

I say avoid.

MixieMatchie · 30/08/2024 14:01

It's that thing, isn't it, that happens when you get to know someone and open up to each other. I totally relate about it happening with the most unlikely men (though I wouldn't go as far as five inches shorter and living at home!). It's the kind of thing that more cunning folk can wield deliberately - I'm sure this guy isn't, he just naturally has no filter, and therefore a closeness can quickly develop. I would take it as a lesson that maybe something is missing from your life - maybe that kind of natural, low-pressure connection with someone who doesn't care what the world thinks of them.

There was a study done about whether you can make a random pair fall in love just by having them ask eachother 30-odd deep and meaningful questions about themselves...

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 30/08/2024 14:02

sounds like low self esteem and also because he is there? There is an episode of how i met your mother where robin is annoying ted by dating his employee just because he is working in the apartment and it requires no effort.

Original poster
Sparklytoe · 30/08/2024 14:04

Does it make a difference that he left a previous successful career doing something with hedge funds, to move back to support his mum caring for his seriously ill Dad? He works as much as he needs to, albeit that his outgoings are currently small. He pays his way when out, runs a nice car, can afford holidays etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparklytoe · 30/08/2024 14:08

I don't think he's lacking in drive, he trains hard for his sport and often suggests and then organises things for the group to do (whereas some others talk about it, but never make it happen iyswim).

He's previously been ambitious, but for now he works self employed when he needs to. He moved home after a realtionship breakup, during covid and has stayed because his dad is very ill and mum needs help.

OP posts:
bwa · 30/08/2024 14:10

lol, I get it. I'd go with it. Could be a good bit of fun.

Smartiepants79 · 30/08/2024 14:11

Sparklytoe · 30/08/2024 14:04

Does it make a difference that he left a previous successful career doing something with hedge funds, to move back to support his mum caring for his seriously ill Dad? He works as much as he needs to, albeit that his outgoings are currently small. He pays his way when out, runs a nice car, can afford holidays etc.

Well, yes, it does. He’s not living at home sponging off his parents? But caring for them?

Blueybanditbingochilli · 30/08/2024 14:12

TulipCat · 30/08/2024 13:56

It's the hardly working and living with his parents at 40 that would be a no from me. Just nip it in the bud now, as you know he's not a good catch.

Yes agree. The height/age is neither here nor there (as long as he’s an adult!), but the living with parents and lack of employment would put me right off.

KreedKafer · 30/08/2024 14:12

Sparklytoe · 30/08/2024 14:04

Does it make a difference that he left a previous successful career doing something with hedge funds, to move back to support his mum caring for his seriously ill Dad? He works as much as he needs to, albeit that his outgoings are currently small. He pays his way when out, runs a nice car, can afford holidays etc.

Yes, that makes a massive difference.

You say he isn't attractive. But do YOU find him attractive? Do you actually fancy him regardless, or do you just see him as a good mate?

If you do fancy him, regardless of this stuff, then I don't really see why you wouldn't give things a try with him. You've already said you wouldn't ever merge finances and you're self-sufficient, so you wouldn't even need to live together at any point. It's perfectly OK to have a relationship where you both just have a nice time together, you know.

THisbackwithavengeance · 30/08/2024 14:16

You made him sound like an overgrown man child always having lived at home in your first post. But your follow up suggests very differently.

I think he sounds nice.

Waterboatlass · 30/08/2024 14:17

Height, age, looks only matter if you fancy him (at his age, I wouldn't be saying this if he was 18!).

His circs I'd say speak highly of him if anything. He's a successful man by the sounds, working but currently focussing on family during illness.

What does he overshare? Does it make you uncomfortable or does he just talk a lot about himself? Would you find his behaviour embarrassing as a partner rather than a friend?

RobinStrike · 30/08/2024 14:19

He sounds lovely. Caring, interesting, and thoughtful and you enjoy his company. Why not ? Even if it turns out to be a short fling you may end up with a good friend.

DadJoke · 30/08/2024 14:19

He is a loyal and devoted son who gave up a lucrative career to care for his sick dad. It’s amazing how people you don’t find attractive to start with grow on you as you get to know them.

Why not give it a shot? If you aren’t mingling finances or living together there isn’t much risk.

Meadowwild · 30/08/2024 14:20

If you enjoy spending time with him, carry on. Don't let strangers on the internet tut that he doesn't fit their notion of the right man.

Think more about why you do like him and less about why you shouldn't. It may just be a short fling. No rule against that.

minipie · 30/08/2024 14:22

He sounds like a good un based on updates.

However are you sure you really like him? Your posts sound a bit more “hmm, he’s a lot nicer than I thought” rather than “I think he’s amazing”.