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Original poster

FFs I seem to be falling for the most unlikely man

41 replies

Sparklytoe · 30/08/2024 13:49

He's someone I've known for a while, an annoying presence on the fringes of a friendship group. Lacking in social skills, which is why he can be annoying.

However, various circumstances have transpired meaning I've spent more time with him over the last few weeks and as I've got to know him better, and possibly as he's become more comfortable with me, I find him funny, intelligent, caring, honest. He has no filter, which can be a problem, but also makes him genuine. By no filter I mean he over shares, rather than says nasty things, he doesn't seem to hold those kinds of views. We also share a number of interests that make for stimulating conversation.

Anyway he's 10 years younger, 5 inches shorter, not in the least bit attractive, lives with his parents and works sporadically!

Give me a shake!!

OP posts:

Meadowwild · 30/08/2024 14:23

MixieMatchie · 30/08/2024 14:01

It's that thing, isn't it, that happens when you get to know someone and open up to each other. I totally relate about it happening with the most unlikely men (though I wouldn't go as far as five inches shorter and living at home!). It's the kind of thing that more cunning folk can wield deliberately - I'm sure this guy isn't, he just naturally has no filter, and therefore a closeness can quickly develop. I would take it as a lesson that maybe something is missing from your life - maybe that kind of natural, low-pressure connection with someone who doesn't care what the world thinks of them.

There was a study done about whether you can make a random pair fall in love just by having them ask eachother 30-odd deep and meaningful questions about themselves...

Ha. I did those '36 questions that can make you fall in love with anyone' in bed with DH one night and thought, 'Shit, you're an irritating stranger!' Luckily next morning I forgot about the qus and went back to loving DH.

Witchbitch20 · 30/08/2024 14:24

He sounds kind and a good person.

I think people like that are in short supply.

WearyAuldWumman · 30/08/2024 14:36

TulipCat · 30/08/2024 13:56

It's the hardly working and living with his parents at 40 that would be a no from me. Just nip it in the bud now, as you know he's not a good catch.

My late husband’s ex fell for a chap at work. Same age difference and same living scenario.

They got on like a house on fire and were together until he died.

Original poster

Sparklytoe · 30/08/2024 14:38

Waterboatlass · 30/08/2024 14:17

Height, age, looks only matter if you fancy him (at his age, I wouldn't be saying this if he was 18!).

His circs I'd say speak highly of him if anything. He's a successful man by the sounds, working but currently focussing on family during illness.

What does he overshare? Does it make you uncomfortable or does he just talk a lot about himself? Would you find his behaviour embarrassing as a partner rather than a friend?

A younger me would have definitely been embarrassed by him, but I'm (mostly) past caring what others think now.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sparklytoe · 30/08/2024 14:39

minipie · 30/08/2024 14:22

He sounds like a good un based on updates.

However are you sure you really like him? Your posts sound a bit more “hmm, he’s a lot nicer than I thought” rather than “I think he’s amazing”.

Yes, that could well be it.

OP posts:

wincarwoo · 30/08/2024 14:41

If you fancy him you fancy him.

Original poster

Sparklytoe · 30/08/2024 14:41

KreedKafer · 30/08/2024 14:12

Yes, that makes a massive difference.

You say he isn't attractive. But do YOU find him attractive? Do you actually fancy him regardless, or do you just see him as a good mate?

If you do fancy him, regardless of this stuff, then I don't really see why you wouldn't give things a try with him. You've already said you wouldn't ever merge finances and you're self-sufficient, so you wouldn't even need to live together at any point. It's perfectly OK to have a relationship where you both just have a nice time together, you know.

Show quote history

Our "relationship" is definitely mates currently. No idea if he sees anything else in it.

I didn't find him attractive, but lately, every once in a while the way he laughs or smiles.... and he definitely scrubs up well.

OP posts:

Waterboatlass · 30/08/2024 14:49

Well, are you looking to be swept off your feet particularly? This could be a grower (emotionally, not like that!).

I'd maintain an open mind and a good friendship and see where it leads rather than ruling him in or out early. Doesn't sound like he's going anywhere if he's part of the group.

I would be clear eyed about his behaviours though bearing in mind that's who he is, you'd need to accept him, oversharing quirks and all. If that ends up being unimportant, great. If you start feeling like your younger self and cringing, that's fine too. You can just enjoy his company as a friend.

RareCheese · 30/08/2024 14:52

Sparklytoe · 30/08/2024 14:38

A younger me would have definitely been embarrassed by him, but I'm (mostly) past caring what others think now.

Show quote history

Forget other people — doesn’t what you term his ‘lack of filter’ annoy you? I see it equated with ‘genuineness’ on here by posters other than you, but couldn’t it be equally termed ‘has such low social intelligence he blurts things out regardless of context’? Might you find it more problematic than ‘genuine’ when he, with no ill intent, tells your entire sports group that you quite like anal sex, actually, or regales your family Christmas dinner table with details of his favourite earwax removal video, just as everyone’s about to set a fork in their turkey?

None of the other stuff sounds crucial.

Skyrainlight · 30/08/2024 14:53

"intelligent, caring, honest." you could do worse. From some of the threads on MN a lot of people have.

Lougle · 30/08/2024 14:57

He's already shown his attitude to tough times. He's a little socially awkward, but he's not unkind or mean. I think he sounds nice.

Soonenough · 30/08/2024 15:00

I wish I had overlooked so much when I was younger.Had a friend that was mad about me but I rejected the notion of a relationship as he wasn't conventionally good looking , very quirky dress and didn't seem to care about earning money . But gosh I never laughed or been so happy since. I look back at this time with fondness and regret . Go for it!

Original poster

Sparklytoe · 30/08/2024 15:05

The oversharing is probably what you might call gossip, you definitely have to watch what you tell him, but it's an enthusiasm to share good news, never malicious.

OP posts:

Notamum12345577 · 30/08/2024 16:19

Sparklytoe · 30/08/2024 14:04

Does it make a difference that he left a previous successful career doing something with hedge funds, to move back to support his mum caring for his seriously ill Dad? He works as much as he needs to, albeit that his outgoings are currently small. He pays his way when out, runs a nice car, can afford holidays etc.

Of course that makes a difference! It means he is a really caring guy, and not just a lazy bum!

BitOutOfPractice · 30/08/2024 16:37

Sparklytoe · 30/08/2024 13:52

I know, exactly!

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So cool your beans. He’s not for you

Franticbutterfly · 30/08/2024 16:37

It's a hell no from me.

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