Excerpt from the trial from the Chester Standard:
“I just wrote it because everything had got on top of me.”
“It was when I’d not long found out I’d been removed from the unit and they were telling me my practice might be wrong, that I needed to read all my competencies – my practice might not have been good enough.”
So I felt like people were blaming my practice, that I might have hurt them without knowing through my practice, and that made me feel guilty and I just felt really isolated.
“I was blaming myself but not because I’d done something (but) because of the way people were making me feel.
“But like I’d only ever done my best for those babies and then people were trying to say that my practice wasn’t good, that I’d done something.
“I just couldn’t cope and I just did not want to be here any more.
“I just felt it was, it was all just spiralling out of control, I just didn’t know how to feel about it or what was going to happen or what to do.” …..< >
“Letby said she had met with the head of nursing in July and was told “there had been a lot more deaths and that I’d been linked as somebody that was there for a lot of them”.
Letby said: “They also said that there was some other people that had flagged as being on shift for a lot of them and that myself and these other people are gonna have to be going and redoing our competencies.”
Asked why she wrote “slander, discrimination and victimisation” on the note, she replied: “Cos I felt that the trust and the team were trying to imply that it, it was something I’d done.”
She added: “I’d lost everything and obviously mum and dad were down in Hereford… and I thought we were a good team regardless of who was my friends, we were a good nursing team on the unit and I’d just lost that. We were like a little family.”
The detective asked: “How would you describe the thing (the note) as a whole?”
Letby said: “It was just a way of me getting my feelings out on to paper, it just helps me process it a bit more.
“I felt if my practice hadn’t been right then I had killed them and that was why I wasn’t good enough.”
https://www.chesterstandard.co.uk/news/23484921.lucy-letby-wrote-note-everything-got-top-me/